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Original poster

Feeling like worlds worst mum - so upset

36 replies

reallyupsetbadmummy · 09/11/2008 10:58

I've namechanged.

I had a massive row with DP this morning. He has been seeing rather more of his ex than I'd like and has now admitted to sleeping with her since early last month.

We've been together 10 years and have one little girl aged 3.

DP has stormed off and I'm sitting her in floods of tears. Poor DD doesn't know what to make of it all. I should be controlling myself in front of her and I jsut can't sotp crying. She knows something is wrong but doens't understand what. She was upset by the argument and I'm not being any good to her.

I've put the tweenies on nd given her a bag of sweets. Feel so appalled and shocked and not even looking after dd properly.

There are no nearby friends i feel I could ring up and leave dd with. Feeling so scared and isolated and dp won't answer phone. no prizes for guessing where he is.

OP posts:
HRHSaintMamazon · 09/11/2008 11:01

is there anyone that can come and take Dd for a little while?

your right, this isn't good for her but at the same time you need to let out what your feeling.

could you visit a friend with a similarly aged child?
the children can play whilst you talk it all over with your friend.

Im so sorry your going through this.

jenaegi · 09/11/2008 11:05

Try not to worry about your bubba, she'll be fine. we went through a horrendous time when mine were tiny and they don't remember anything! Get yourself a strong cup of coffee, few deep breaths and concentrate on DD read a story...If not she'll be fine with her favourite tv show! Just remember you're not a bad mum!!

FiveDollarShake · 09/11/2008 11:06

for you and your DD.
You are not the worlds worst mum! You've had a shock and you're upset- DD will be fine dont worry.
Sorry to be blunt but..what a complete shit you're DP is! Im sorry thats not very helpful is it?
Have you any relatives who could help out?

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piratecat · 09/11/2008 11:07

poor you, you must be devastated. Having a crying splurge is allowed, and no it's not best to do it in fornt of dd, but this wasn't planned.

mamazon got it right, if you can try and ring someone tohave her? If not, (and i have been there) try and get up, and give dd a big cuddle and a big smile.

am so sorry, and you are not a bad parent, you are a loving mummy and a human beign who has just bee dealt a pile of shit.
xx

edam · 09/11/2008 11:08

I'm so sorry your dp is being such a twonk. Tweenies and sweets won't do dd any harm, you know.

Hassled · 09/11/2008 11:12

Tweenies, sweets and a crying mother are NOT going to traumatise her for life. As long as she is reassured that you both love her, then she will be fine. And adults do get upset sometimes - learning this is part of growing up, and children do just take it all in their stride.

If you can't find any sort of alternative childcare arrangements then just have a quiet DVD/pottering day, and don't add to your upset by feeling like a bad mother - you're clearly a great mother, or you wouldn't be feeling so bad. I'm very sorry about the lowlife that is your DP - you deserve a lot better.

francagoestohollywood · 09/11/2008 11:13

You are not being a bad mummy.
Try to calm down (I know, I know, it is easier said than done ) while she is watching her show and then go back to her, hug, kiss and concentrate on doing something with her.

It'd be good if you could find someone to have her for a little while, as you really need to speak to your partner (I'm so angry on your behalf)

Original poster
reallyupsetbadmummy · 09/11/2008 11:19

Oh hell just got a text message from her

"I won, bet you regret shouting at him now"

I want to kill her.

I am going to get me and DD dressed and go out to lunch, I can't eat but DD must and the change of scene will do us both good.

Suppose I'm now a single mum

OP posts:
2cute2spook · 09/11/2008 11:25

omg well you still need to talk (to your not so much!) dp. hope you and your dd are ok just remember that you need her hugs as much as she needs yours. xxx

FiveDollarShake · 09/11/2008 11:29

Id text back saying you're fecking welcome to him . He's playing you off against each other....
Go out, that's a great idea. Concentrate on your DD. Im guessing he'll be crawling back with his tail between his legs before too long.

EBenes · 09/11/2008 11:37

I think you and dd should snuggle up together on the sofa and watch more telly and eat some hot buttered toast together for a bit. As the post above says, you both need some hugs right now, don't worry about doing the right thing.

TheGreatScootini · 09/11/2008 11:42

You are certainly not a bad mother.Sweets and telly tubbies is how I get my house work done on a regular basis
In these circumstances you are doing the best you can.

and for you.Why o why do some men do things like this?Its just incredible
Hugs to you and to DD

MrsMattie · 09/11/2008 11:44

You poor thing. STOP beating yourself up. You've had a nasty shock. You're human. It's not going to damage your child in the long run to see that. Sweets and TV sounds good. Give your DD a cuddle, put the kettle on and call someone trusted - relative, friend or whatever - to talk this through with. Thinking of you xxx

PartOfTheHumphreysGroup · 09/11/2008 11:54

hmm... she's 'won' a cheating scumbag.. good for her!

Good on you for going out, that's more than I could do. I think you will be just fine.

dizzydixies · 09/11/2008 12:00

oh my god what an arsehole - sorry, it not a term I use lightly and as for HER, don't get me fecking started

they're welcome to each other as you deserve better and you are NOT being bad to dd - she probably thinks being popped in front of tv with a bag of sweeties is a great treat

so and for you

HRHSaintMamazon · 09/11/2008 12:02

i personaly would text back saying something like "I haven't lost but his daughter has. i hope you are very pleased with yourself"

what a vile peice of work she is.

im sure they will be happy togther, they sound perfectly matched

nannyL · 09/11/2008 12:06

you are a really upset mummy

you are not a bad mummy

you are a human being who is understandably very upset right now... cant believe that nasty woman text you that

big hug... and agree their is a lot worse you can do than let her watch tweenies and eat sweets

midnightexpress · 09/11/2008 12:08

What a cow!

So sorry you're having to go through this. And don't worry about being a bad mummy. Little chiuldren are pretty resilient.

Forward the text to your DP perhaps so he can see what a witch he's sleeping with.

And perhaps get the locks changed while he's out. Tosspot.

MeggyMoggy · 09/11/2008 12:10

TBH it sounds like you're better off without the cheating bastard. Going out for lunch sounds a good idea.

How about a dvd you could both watch this aft? IS your dd good at playing on her own? Could you get something out which will keep her occupied? Drawing? Favourite puzzle etc?

piratecat · 09/11/2008 12:14

don't reply to her.
you will feel that you are justified in doing s, and rightly. Yet I know form experience that a dignified silence, and venting what you wish to say to close freinds to the point of repitition, is the best way.

It doens't mean you are backing down, it shows strength and it wil alow you to focus your anger, in the right way.

People who send messages like that enjoy a rise, don't give her or himthe satisfaction. You absolutely will come thru it in time. I know that sounds ridiculous but it is true.
x

Fllightthebluetouchpaper · 09/11/2008 12:17

Oh you poor, poor thing, you are NOT a bad mum, bad things happen to all of us and sometimes we can only cry - I've done it, and your daughter will see you cry and know you're feeling very sad. That is Ok. And guess what, she'll also know that even if you are really feeling sad, it doesn't mean you go away, it doesn't mean you pretend to be Ok despite her knowing things are wrong - it means you sit and you cry and you deal with it as best you can. And then you are still mummy, and you are still there, and you two are going out for a bite to eat and things will be alright.

It's the perfect way to teach her that life can be handled - you're doing a brilliant job of it xxx

needmorecoffee · 09/11/2008 12:19

sounds like you and your dd are better off wihtou this cheat. Pack his stuff and park it outside then plan your life with your dd. She will be ok you know.

piratecat · 09/11/2008 12:23

flight, great post.

StealthPolarBANG · 09/11/2008 12:24

what a pair of idiots
As long as you reassure your DD that you are upset but not with her that's all that metters
sweets and dvd for both of you and cuddles on the sofa is exactly what's needed

ScoobyDoo · 09/11/2008 12:29

Like everyone else has said you are not a bad mummy at all, we all cry it's part of life.

As for your dp he is a total arsehole he is playing games, goodluck to them you don't need a cheating scumbag like him you are worth much more than that, does the Ex really think he will change for her? remember there is a reason she is an ex, let he take the chance his loss at the end of the day, you have your gorgeous dd, so hold your head high & go for lunch