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Parenting

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Original poster

So tell me, after the first one what on earth made you do it again??! Am I abnormal to feel like I do?

32 replies

Twinklemegan · 08/11/2008 22:46

Did you feel broody? At all? How did you feel around babies? Or did you just do it for the sake of your first DC? I'm genuinely interested in what on earth would make any woman put themselves through pregnancy and childbirth more than once. I don't think I can, I really don't, and I'm feeling pretty crap about that right now. (DS is 2)

OP posts:

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nickytwotimes · 08/11/2008 22:48

I feel the same, Twinkle.
If someone could hand me a 6mth old baby, I'd be happy.

Spagblog · 08/11/2008 22:48

Did it for the sake of DD, wanted two kids 2 and a half years apart.

Have never felt broody.

Of course, I am a freak and I am sure some sensible people will post and you can ignore me

FiveGoMadInDorset · 08/11/2008 22:49

I want one more ( have 2 already), my friend wants none at all. If that is the way you feel then that is the way you feel, there is no right or wrong. I also think if I had started earlier 3 would not be enough but come from a very large family.

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Original poster

Twinklemegan · 08/11/2008 22:53

Lol Spagblog. Seriously though, I'm guessing in that case that you were pretty confident you could have a child when you wanted, if you could time it like that. After the trouble I had conceiving DS I'm not at all confident I'd even get as far as number 2.

You know, I think I just used up all my emotional allowance in conceiving, carrying, giving birth and breastfeeding DS. It's like that part of my brain has gone into hibernation never to wake up. Does that make sense to anyone?

OP posts:

MintChocAddict · 08/11/2008 22:53

You shouldn't feel bad about making the right choice for you and your family. Do what's right for you, not what you think is expected of you. TTC no#2 at the moment, but because that's what we both genuinely want. IMO that should be the only reason to try for another.
Try not to give yourself a hard time. You know what's best for you.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 08/11/2008 22:53

Absolutely.

PortAndLemon · 08/11/2008 22:54

Had a second largely because I didn't want DS to be an only child (I don't think that's necessarily a terrible thing, but I wanted him to have a sibling if possible) and because DH definitely wanted another. DD is seven months now and I'm very glad we had her. Labour and childbirth was much much easier the second time around, pregnancy much the same (but I have pretty good pregnancies anyway).

Original poster

Twinklemegan · 08/11/2008 22:55

But Five, how could you do it more than once? Seriously. It's like volunteering to have your other arm cut off without anaesthetic after your first one had to be.

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Spagblog · 08/11/2008 22:56

Well strangely enough I had PCOS and was concerned about conceiving.
I had a hideous time giving birth to DD and so dreaded that part.
I adored feeling the kicks though, so I would be happy to be pregnant for that bit!

FiveGoMadInDorset · 08/11/2008 22:58

Because that is the way we feel, but it is not what you want, and I can understand that for you. I have also been lucky in that have had 2 easy conceptions, 2 easyish pregnancies and 2 very good babies.

phdlife · 08/11/2008 22:59

ds was about 10 weeks old when a wire tripped in my head that went, "oh, I want another one of these!" I am now quite pg with #2 and STILL wondering whether I've lost my marbles

LadyLaGore · 08/11/2008 22:59

twinks, dont have another then, its fine not to y'know ! i think only children are v lucky people, all that parent time and attention all to themsleves. think of how cheap holidays and meals out and, um, shoe shop visits will be.

i did it more than once coz it was a piece of piss for me, i loved being pg and birth wasnt that bad at all. plus, i thought i couldnt get pg when bf so i didnt take precautions. then once id had 2, i kind of thought, what the hell, might as well now, in for a penny and all that...

Original poster

Twinklemegan · 08/11/2008 23:04

Blimey. My brain's on a completely different wavelength I reckon.

The problem is I do want another. In many ways. Like nickytwotimes said, if someone could hand me a 6 month old (or even a newborn tbh) I would take it with open arms. But the memory of labour and birth is as fresh for me now as the day after and I can't see it ever fading.

Anyhow thanks for the input. I think I actually am abnormal and I guess I just have to deal with it.

OP posts:

MintChocAddict · 08/11/2008 23:10

Hi Twinkle,
If you would like another baby and it's the pregnancy/chilbirth part that you don't feel you can cope with, then would it be worth looking into some sort of counselling/coping techniques to see if that helps to alleviate your anxiety?

I'm by no means an expert on the above but it sounds like you might have had a traumatic experience first time around.

LadyLaGore · 08/11/2008 23:11

feelings dont make you abnormal woman.
your feelings are perfectly sane!

if its any consolation, i could do the pg and birth bit over and over, its the parenting bit that makes me feel inadequate and shitty.

Original poster

Twinklemegan · 08/11/2008 23:16

Hi. Yes I've thought about that. But tbh there are all sorts of reasons why it just isn't a good idea. DH is over 50, I'm the main breadwinner while he's a SAHD, we're pretty short financially. I don't think (in fact I know) DH really wants another. So all in all I'd be pretty mad to go down that route. I do wonder if I'll regret it in a few years time though.

I'd even consider adopting once DS is older. But there'd be no chance due to DH's age, sadly. Nope I think we're a family of three for good.

I think the recent threads have got me thinking, that's all. I never expected to feel like an outsider once I managed to have a child, but I do because I'm not having/trying for a second. It's crazy I know, but it bothers me.

Anyhow, I'm off to bed (for sleep, definitely no baby-making ).

OP posts:

Springflower · 08/11/2008 23:18

I dont think you're abnormal at all - I know lots of people who feel the same as you and although some of them have gone on to have another child they have stopped at 2. I think everyone's different and it doess depend on your pregnancy and labour. My 2nd birth was terrible and if that had been my first it would have put me off but because I knew it could be fine (from 1st) I had a 3rd and that was fine. Would have had more if I could have and dont think I will ever stop feeling broody ....

PotPourri · 08/11/2008 23:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LittlePeanut · 08/11/2008 23:26

Hi. I do disagree with all the guff about "you forget the pain of chilbirth very quickly... it just all fades away etc."

Not I.

Having said that, I'd be happy to have another baby, because I think they are worth the (excruciating) pain.

scotlass · 08/11/2008 23:41

twinkle it's taken me 10yrs to pluck up the courage to go through it all again. Bit of a shock to the system. Am putting the child birth thoughts out of my head until very last minute then going for the 'I'll survive' mantra.

shubiedoo · 09/11/2008 00:09

Exactly LittlePeanut. It was a long time before I felt ready for childbirth again! But long term, it is worth it.

KittyFloss · 09/11/2008 00:44

Up until dd was around 2, I was determined she would be my only child. Then something just clicked and I was broody as hell, maybe something to do with her not being my "baby" anymore.

I also did it because I did want dd to have a sibling (not sure she appreciates it mind). Think it must be something to with that age as ds is now 2 and we are ttc again. Quite unthinkable for a person who never ever wanted kids in the first place lol. Like someone else says in for a penny in for a pound.

I do find it hard and I'm not going to win mother of the year anytime soon. But it's just so fascinating, seeing these little people that you made grow up, sometimes it's seems so unreal that they are actually mine.

chloemegjess · 09/11/2008 00:54

I always wanted 2, untill I went through an awful pregnacy and birth. I then didn't want any. Then when DD was 6 months old, despite breastfeeding and being on the mini pill, I got pregnant again! I am now 16 weeks and although I do have woried about birth etc we are happy over all as once it is done, its done and we get the baby etc for the rest of our lives.

jasper · 09/11/2008 01:07

hormones

meandmyjoe · 09/11/2008 06:48

I don't want abother, there's no shame in admtting that. Sometimes I like the idea of a new cuddley baby but I'm not insane enough to know it's all plain sailing. So many people just assume that we are wanting/ planning another. It's bog all to do with anyone. When/ if you are ready you will know when you feel physically and emotionally ready to do it all again. I am a way off wanting to do the whole screaming baby/ no sleep thing again but my dh would have another tomorrow so Ifeel a bit like I'm being selfish but at the end of the day, he still goes to work, he still can go out and not feel guilty (albeit rarely) and his like hasn't changed beyond recognition, unlike mine! I found pregnancy and childbith reasonably OK but it was the 9 months after that, that makes me not want to do it again!

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