So tell me, after the first one what on earth made you do it again??! Am I abnormal to feel like I do?

[Twinklemegan]

Did you feel broody? At all? How did you feel around babies? Or did you just do it for the sake of your first DC? I'm genuinely interested in what on earth would make any woman put themselves through pregnancy and childbirth more than once. I don't think I can, I really don't, and I'm feeling pretty crap about that right now. (DS is 2)

DD probably would be an only child if it hadn't have been for a slip up resulting in DS arriving when she was close on being 5. Though I did sort of want another one it was the concept of having one, I have never ever felt broody. I didn't cope at all well with pregnancy with DD and was rubbish when she was a small baby.

Luckily my second pregnancy was very different and because I had a c/section previously I was monitored carefully and ended up with another section quickly when things weren't going well, instead of the days of contractions I had with DD.

I would have been terrified to have found myself pregnant when she was two but so wasn't too bad about it when she was nearly 4 as the memory had faded a fraction. But it wasn't until the midwife looked at my notes from DD's birth to discuss labour for DS that I really put her birth behind me

I always wanted 2. I have one DD of nearly 2 - All my nct group are pregant or already had number 2 (how about that for cracking on with it!!) - I had a long and difficult labour and believe you me I have not forgotten it yet. I have found the last 2 years tough and I just don't know how I would cope with 2 - I am 39 and always feel tired, don't have family around and like you have a DH who is 50 in Feb. I think I could convince him that 2 would be good but I just don't know if we both have the energy. If I was younger I could wait a couple more years to see how I feel - sadly I don't really have that option so I am very much in the same boat as you...

i desperately wanted more than one, but after a difficult first birth (op/loooong labour/ventouse), shocking first 3 months (colic), sleepless first year (i think by one she ocasionally slept 4 hrs at a stretch), and (unrelated) ptsd, it took until dd1 was 4 for me to get pg again. the pg was really hard because it raised so many issues from the first time that i'd buried, i found it physically harder and was dreading the birth/baby stage.

BUT (not an unremitting tale of woe!) we've found it SO much easier this time. admittedly the birth wasn't much easier but the baby thing has been a TOTAL BREEZE compared to the first time round. i'm totally convinced it's all the luck of the draw what kind of baby you get and if you had a particularly difficult time the first time round the chances are very good that it WILL be easier.

having just read your later post though, i can see that there are lots of other practical reasons why you can't see it happening. i guess i feel the same about having a third - so many of my "baby" friends are having 3rds now and i have to (sadly) reconcile myself to the fact that it really isn't an option for us, even though i have at least got over my baby-phobia!

I found it really difficult to be pregnant and give birth all 3 times, I nearly didn't have a 3rd because of the thought of a 3rd pregnancy and childbirth. So I think your feelings are pretty normal. I also don't really feel broody around other people's babies, I never have, though I sometimes pretend cos it's expected that you think other people's babies are cute.

I did it each time cos I wanted to have the babies and children in the end, but the pregnancy and childbirth bits were huge deterrents. I loathed it all 3 times. I couldn't do it again.

Twinkle - You're not abnormal - I wanted to be a mum but couldn't contemplate going through pregnancy and c/birth even once! Hence adoption was my chosen route to becoming a mum. Does that make me weird? Possibly - but I don't care bacause I have such a fab DD. So do you.

You wrote "I never expected to feel like an outsider once I managed to have a child, but I do because I'm not having/trying for a second". In some ways I felt like an outsider when DD was younger because I couldn't join in the breast-feeding/sleepless nights chats at M&T and coffee mornings. No-one ever made me feel that way - it was just me. And you can only feel like an outsider if you chose to feel that way. So other people are ttc # 2 or 3 or 4 - good for them. But this is your life and your family - and you are a lovely family of 3. Please don't let your fear of having/not having another spoil the precious time you have with your DD.

Sorry for rambling but am trying to express my opinion without another storm kicking off

I am so glad I found this thread. DD is 26m and I really am dreading another PG. Not the labour funnily enough as I was lucky to have an OK birth. However DD was hard work for the whole of the first year, did not sleep through until she walked at 16m.

I don't have the age issue as much - I am early 30s and DH is mid 30s. However we are struggling with the idea of going through it all again. We are both control freaks and a child in your life leaves you with no control. That is the hard part.

I think we need to get to the right place mentally before we even discuss another, we are strong as a couple now but we had our wobbles when DD was small (I was ready to kill him over a dirty tea cup!).

There are pros and cons to both choices. I don't know the answer I am afraid If you work it out let me know

I did feel broody; in fact, I cried on several occasions when my period came when trying to conceive DC2. I wouldn't have put myself through all that just for the sake of my first child- sorry, I'm not that noble.