PLEASE share your coping techniques for dealing with fussy eaters....

[dinkystinky]

to help me keep my sanity. I'm using the "this is just a phase and will pass" mantra to help me deal with the pretty frequent occasions when DS, aged 2 and a half, will not eat his food (am lucky if he eats half his breakfast, half his lunch and two mouthfuls of dinner at present) but is wearing really thin! We ensure he is offered a wide mix of foods (stuff he likes, new stuff, all delicious, well flavoured and presented in an attractive way) but nothing doing at the moment... He is a happy, healthy little boy otherwise so am determined not to turn mealtimes into a battle ground but sometimes its all I can do to stop myself from grabbing up a spoon or fork to shovel some food in his mouth! Any coping techniques from fellow longsuffering parents out there would be much appreciated...

If my DS refuses, I take the plate away out of sight, move it onto a different coloured or shaped plate, give him new cutlery and amazingly, more often that not he then eats it happily!!
Not particularly scientific, but it works for me

We have a rule in our house - we all eat the same, we decide what, DD decides how much (if any). If she doesn't want to eat it, it is taken away without comment. We talk about anything at the table but never mention food. Except when she eats something when we say 'well done'.

Toddlers are desperate for both attention and approval and learn fairly quickly that this is the only way they are going to get either.

Oh and borrow another ravenous toddler - they are really competitive and if they see someone else eating what is potentially their banana etc they wolf it down!

Would second whomovedmychocolate - my ds is often "borrowed" by mums of fussy eaters, and it is AMAZING how competitive toddlers can be, really funny to watch

You should have seen the fight to get the last bit of broccoli in our house when we did the 'small guests for lunch' I thought I'd have to call the UN!

Why do you need to 'cope'?
If they're hungry, they'll eat and if they're not, they will stop.

It really is that black and white.

You're doing all the right things in what and how you're offering food so just leave it at that.

My ds isnt necassarily picky but needs to be in the right mood!! The best advice is to just chil out about it all, if your ds wants to eat on the sofa let him if he will eat, if he wants to have a film or some music on, let him if he will eat. If he stops eating and starts mucking about turn film/music off. Works wonders for us.

Thank you all. I think its because am pregnant with no 2 that it all sometimes get on top of me - prepregnancy was fine with the "it'll happen when it happens" approach. Will try the different plates/ right mood apparoach and love the idea of borrowing another toddler for meal times - DS is v sociable so will probably get a kick out of that.

I actually find it easier now I have two to feed because I don't obsess about one too much. FWIW ds1 is 5 and hasn't eaten since he was 18 months. Feel like we've tried every approach with no effect. I'm sure he'll get there one day.

I think trying to remember that their tummies are about the size of their fist.

All i can say it does get better dd1 is now 4.10 and eats so much better. As for dd2 14mths and i am yet to find something she doesn't eat. This has also helped dd1 eat better.

Was going to start a thread because I'm sick of the three non-eaters in my house. So could you all just answer these questions for me-
1-Should non-eaters get snacks between meals and if not then not even fruit?
2-Should pudding be included as part of the meal so that they are allowed to eat that even if no main course eaten,OR should pudding be a reward for eating main?
3-Should non-eaters be allowed juice or milk between meals? Or at meals?
4-If they eat meals should snacks and drinks be re-instated and if so when/how long into good eating?

Bump

Pushchair - I have tried everything. People tell you to not give pudding, and use as a reward. However having a fussy eater who has gone all day without eating anything personally I feel better if she eats at least a yoghurt.
Have also withheld snacks, only to find she eats better having snacked all day.

Fussy eaters are a mindfield and I think each family is different. Find what works for you and go with it. If your child is underweight and there is medical concern, then take advice from professionals, otherwise go with the flow. And it's not easy doing that - I know!

I have tried everything too, including going with the flow! Just cant stand it for much longer. So depressing to sit with them at meal times. I must find a method and stick with it. Someone come over here with RULES.

IMHO when they're 2 or 3 it's important to get what nutrition you can into them and being grouchy because they're hungry isn't going to help. For toddlers, many suggest essentially 5 meals per day - breakfast, lunch, dinner and 2 snacks. Just because we call them snacks it doesn't mean they have to be bad food. I guess the usual thing is they don't have to be traditional "meals" or even fully nutritionally balanced - for example fruit or a cracker or some cheese are fine.

I actually find at the moment with dd (19m) she won't eat much bread once she gets going on the ham & cheese, but when I offer bread or breadsticks for a snack (or if we're out and running late for lunch) she eats much more than she would at the table. I just try not to comment on it much. I tend to put the less interesting foods on her plate first but a battle once the other things are there won't get me there.

On the juice/milk question I wouldn't give these without food, except for little ones who are still having milk as a part of their main diet (up to 2?). They could go equally with a snack as with a "meal" though. The exception might be if very little liquid is going in at all, when you might need to tempt them as drinking is so important. I'd use very weak juice though.

Hope that helps. Comes from a family of only fussy but not dreadful eaters. Good luck to everyone!

My 2.5 dd will eat breakfast and sometimes lunch but hardly ever eats dinner. I used to offer alternative dinners (I know, everyone says not to do this but I was desperate!) but found it made no difference. What has helped a bit is the whole family sitting down for dinner together - she sees me and dh eating the same and will at least try some. I also don't give her anything to eat after 2pm to make sure she is hungry at dinner time (5pm). But I do give a pudding and/or fruit even if she doesn't eat her dinner. I am hoping this is just a phase and that she doesn't take after my dh who is also a fussy eater (at age 28!)

Part of problem is I have a nine year old too and she is a non-eater. So lunch with two other ok could be un-traditional meals but we all sit down together at dinner time. Oh GAH it is too complicated. Meals, non meals, snacks, drinks, puddings...... too many variables.

''FWIW ds1 is 5 and hasn't eaten since he was 18 months.''
by yomellomahelly, how do you mean?

((www.netdoctor.co.uk/ate/childrenshealth/200016.html))

There is nothing earth-shattering in this link but it might help to reassure you?

I stumbled across this article on finicky eaters totally by accident a few months ago. It would need some adapting for a 2 year old but a friend of mine has had real success with this approach. It's really interesting that the guy who wrote it is actually an expert on bullying and bascially says that kids bully their parents over food!

Hi, both my dds were great eaters until we started moving onto chunkier food, then from about 15 mths onwards they were dreadful. It used to get me really wound up, but I always tried not to show it. They ate (healthy) snacks, and weren't underweight or ill, so I just rode it out, and they are now pretty good eaters (at 4 and 3). It has been a long hard slog, though!

basically, I made dinner for all of us every day. I eat with them, and try to resist the urge to say "eat your dinner, eat your dinner, eat your dinner" like a parrot. They are free to eat what they are given or not, although I expect them to at least try it. Often when I've eaten, I leave the table and start clearing the kitchen, as I find they actually eat better when I am not watching them! When it comes to pudding, we have a sliding scale: anyone can request fruit regardless of whether or not they have eaten. If they taste the dinner but refuse to eat it they can have a yoghurt. If they eat some or most, other options come in, depending on how well I think they have done (eg if they eat all the veg but leave the meat or vice versa!) And if they eat it all, I try to have something they really like- like ice cream or cake.

Good luck! Honestly, we are only now coming out the other end, but I'm really glad I persevered. It's also worth trying things- sometimes it's amazing the stuff they like- dd1 won't eat peas or potatoes, but loved fried squid on holiday (not even disguised in breadcrumbs!), and one of the only sandwich fillings she likes is smoked salmon, so worth experimenting.

i liked the article on fussy eaters except for the 'let them make something else themselves' bit hah! as if.

Another thread on this topic today

And lol thankyouandgoodnight, if only it were that simple.

Mostly I don't get wound up anymore but tonight I nearly left the table in frustration at my picky 2.5 year old.

I can't answer your questions pushchair but I can offer my sympathies

I know my boy's a bit older (7) but I recently discovered that laughing and saying "what? Scared you might taste something eh?" had the desired effect.

Don't know if it would do so a second time though...

whomovedmychocolate - sounds like a good approach. Out of interest, if she doesn't eat and then complains of hunger later, do you give her anything? Especially when it is between tea and bed. This is the thing I struggle with.