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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

terrible dilemma and need to make a decision by tomorrow!

57 replies

jnmum · 20/10/2008 21:25

ok - this is my post from a few months ago;

'We live close to three excellent state schools (5 min walk). Ds got into none of these but was offered a school 2 miles away in special measures despite every neighbour in our street and surrounding streets being offered one. After being on the waiting list for all three all summer and appealing he still had no place.

My parents pay for him now to go to a private school. Ds is doing very well academically and is very happy, his class has 15 pupils. I am pleased about this BUT want him to go to a local school where he would know the children in the area. We live in a very community based area and it was/is very important to me but not to the extent of sending him to a failing school.

I have reapplied for next year but still looks unlikely as there have been alot of new builds in the area in the last year.

Know this is off topic but just now have a difficult choice if he ever gets a place. Do I move him from where he is happy and doing well (he is the youngest in the school as well) or keep him where long term I feel he would be happier knowing and mixing with local children?

I am a single working parent and he is an only child. To me, friendships and playing with children locally are part of childhood, very much a part of mine and one I very much want him to enjoy.

What would you do????'

The dilemma is that one of the schools (my 2nd choice) now has a place and I have to accept it or refuse it by tomorrow and he would have to start after half term. He is really happy and settled where he is and I feel it would be disasterous in the short term. However, in the long term I feel it would be better for both of us. His private school is very small and insular and I don't fit in with most of the other mothers. Because it is so small, I don't see how he could go from there to a comprehensive. So it would be better to move him sooner rather than later.

My instinct is to wait and keep him where he is until a place comes up at the 1st choice because that is where he went to nursery and I knew what it was like. However, that might be never...

Please, if anyone can advice me I would be really grateful

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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stealthsquiggle · 20/10/2008 23:29

It does get harder the longer you leave it.

I am at the beavers for local friends compromise right now.

Good Luck!

Quattrocento · 20/10/2008 23:41

Hard (but not intentionally unkind) question I know, but are you choosing the school for him? Or for you?

I ask because most of the negatives for the private school seem to be about you ("I don't fit in with most of the other mothers")
and all the positives for the state school ditto ("When he went to the nursery of the state school, he and I developed friends, some of who we are still friends with now")

IMO a class size of 15 is twice as good as a class size of 30+. Much better for the child and you say he is happy there.

Ohforfoxsake · 21/10/2008 10:45

What did you decide?

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Original poster

jnmum · 22/10/2008 23:32

I still haven't decided - they have let me have until Friday to decide...

OP posts:

Dottoressa · 23/10/2008 11:40

Just another thought regarding your dilemma...

On the face of it, I don't fit in with a lot of the mothers at my DCs' private school either. All my really good friends have children at the local primary school. However, it's also true that there are lots and lots of nice mothers at the DCs' school - they just don't tend to be the ones who are immediately visible! So you may also find that some of the mothers there are nicer and more 'your type' than they initially seem!

PortAndDemon · 23/10/2008 11:58

I think in your position I would aim to move him at the end of year 2, when (as others have said) you are more likely to find a place. You can prepare him for that from now as a definite end point when he will be moving schools, and quite possibly some of his friends may be leaving around then anyway to transfer to prep schools. Then long-term you get the result you want, but you don't disrupt your DS more than necessary.

elliott · 23/10/2008 17:05

but from what the op has said (and ime too) there is not really any more likelihood of getting a place then, and certainly not enough to be telling her ds that he 'will' be moving. I had to take the place as soon as I was offered it - couldn't even wait 5 weeks for the start of the new school year. In those circumstances, it would have been impossible to tell ds1 when he was going to move, when there was no way of knowing...

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