terrible dilemma and need to make a decision by tomorrow!

[jnmum]

ok - this is my post from a few months ago;

'We live close to three excellent state schools (5 min walk). Ds got into none of these but was offered a school 2 miles away in special measures despite every neighbour in our street and surrounding streets being offered one. After being on the waiting list for all three all summer and appealing he still had no place.

My parents pay for him now to go to a private school. Ds is doing very well academically and is very happy, his class has 15 pupils. I am pleased about this BUT want him to go to a local school where he would know the children in the area. We live in a very community based area and it was/is very important to me but not to the extent of sending him to a failing school.

I have reapplied for next year but still looks unlikely as there have been alot of new builds in the area in the last year.

Know this is off topic but just now have a difficult choice if he ever gets a place. Do I move him from where he is happy and doing well (he is the youngest in the school as well) or keep him where long term I feel he would be happier knowing and mixing with local children?

I am a single working parent and he is an only child. To me, friendships and playing with children locally are part of childhood, very much a part of mine and one I very much want him to enjoy.

What would you do????'

The dilemma is that one of the schools (my 2nd choice) now has a place and I have to accept it or refuse it by tomorrow and he would have to start after half term. He is really happy and settled where he is and I feel it would be disasterous in the short term. However, in the long term I feel it would be better for both of us. His private school is very small and insular and I don't fit in with most of the other mothers. Because it is so small, I don't see how he could go from there to a comprehensive. So it would be better to move him sooner rather than later.

My instinct is to wait and keep him where he is until a place comes up at the 1st choice because that is where he went to nursery and I knew what it was like. However, that might be never...

Please, if anyone can advice me I would be really grateful

I currently have a similar dilemma re nurseries for my ds [though my dilemma is in part financial] so I do understand your qualms about moving a happy settled child.

But I think, if you are keen/determined to move him into a local school, it is better to do it sooner rather than later. At this stage friendships are not cemented as they may be later, it will be easier to be "new" whilst everyone is still quite new, and he will have formed less attachment to the school and friends where he currently is.

FWIW I moved schools twice before I was 8 and it was hard the second time, although we also moved from Brighton to Stoke so I did have culture shock to deal with at the same time.

You could keep him in the private school until he is end of year 2 and then apply for a year 3 place at your favourite state school - at year 3 the class size restrictions finish so you are more likely to be offered a place.

I may be wrong but after reception I thought places were allocated on a 1st come/1st served basis and the 'criteria' list ceased to operate. The only time you get gazumped is by a sibling or children with a statement or looked after children. It might be worth asking your 1st choice school whether this happens or not.

I think it may be easier to get in after Year 2 - as in infant class size prejudice appeals don't apply in the appeals process. I appealed at reception level but wasn't successful as it is virtually impossible at that stage. But as I said it is easier at Junior level.

I suppose that is my instinct - to turn it down and then reapply for 1st choice at the end of Year 2. Or take a place if offered one there before hand. There isn't a huge difference between 1st and 2nd choice, both lovely local schools but I know more about the 1st one as he went to nursery there so I know it better.

No wheresthehamster - the geographical considerations still apply after reception and throughout. (Only difference is that the school holds the list after the beginning of term for reception and beyond and you have to keep in touch with the school rather than Lea).

I haven't had time to read all posts in detail but just wanted to share my experience with ds1. I moved his school 5 weeks before the end of year 1 last summer - I had been waiting for a place to come up at a local school and like you was under great pressure to decide quickly and move him, or lose the place. I felt awful as ds1 was happy at his other school, and i only wanted to move him because of the new school being more local. Ds1 has been warned that he might be moving school and had consistently said he didn't want to. I was convinced he would be deeply traumatised by the move!
Anyway, I asked for advice hear and everyone was v reassuring, so I decided to bite the bullet. ds1 had one week's notice of the move.
To cut a long story short, he has settled very well indeed - no tears (well probably one episode), no dragging of heels, he just got on with it [proud mum emoticon]
It was FAR more traumatic for me than him!
Anyway i think the upshot is, that it is wise not to let your own feelings, and projections about how your ds might feel, cloud your judgement. If you think this is the best move in the long term, then best to just get it over with - children really are more adaptable than we give them credit for!

apologies to pedants for terrible misspellings!

thankyou elliott. I don't know though...its all so hard

I'd second what elliot said - they are so adaptable and he'll probably feel it less than you.
keep your feelings of worry hidden and be matter of fact ( but sympathetic if needs be) about 'this is what is happening' - maybe you could ask eth new school for any local boys you coud catch up woth in th holidays - I'm sure most mums would be fine to meet up for a coffee and play date, and even just one familiar face woudl make it easier for him.

I'd second what elliot said - they are so adaptable and he'll probably feel it less than you.
keep your feelings of worry hidden and be matter of fact ( but sympathetic if needs be) about 'this is what is happening' - maybe you could ask eth new school for any local boys you coud catch up woth in th holidays - I'm sure most mums would be fine to meet up for a coffee and play date, and even just one familiar face woudl make it easier for him.

it IS hard...because you are so emotionally involved. My first instinct when I got the call from the school was 'noooo!! I'm just not ready for this!' -but I now realise that just because I wasn't ready, didn't mean that ds1 wouldn't cope. I was careful not to present it as a choice for him - not fair to give him the responsibilty - so he just accepted it. And he does seem to have slotted straight into his new class in a way I would never have predicted.

My situaltion is totally different in some ways, but maybe you can get something from it.

We moved to another part of the country over the summer and both ds's (one 6, the other 3) went to a new school. In both cases they have not only adapted but flourished.

I think we forget how adaptable children are at this age and how they just take things in their stride.

The real question is how would you have felt if he got a place at the second choice to begin with. Would you have been disappointed? Why was it your second choice? And how many of the children near you go to this school?

agree with bobblehat about the second school.

There seems to be something holding you back that you maybe haven't identified. If you are so keen for him to go to a local school then why haven't you jumped at 2 being offered? Is it purely worry about uprooting your son? Do you have a genuine concern about 2 as a school (that seems unlikely according to your post above)? Or is it that (although you don't want to admit it) you are actually pleased that he is at the private school and would rather he stayed there (but feel uncomfortable admitting that, given your convictions)?

bobblehat , it was my 2nd choice because he went to the nursery of the 1st choice and made friends there. Its still the 1st choice for that reason because he was happy and I was happy with it whereas the 2nd choice is an unknown. Children near us tend to go to the 1st choice one but they are both local schools (5 mins walk to both).

I think on balance, I have to wait for the 1st choice one. It is true though, he probably would be fine. Its so hard. Tonight I had a parents evening and did tell his teacher about it. She was lovely about it and although (probably obviously) thought he'd be better in a private school (ie their school!!). She did say that he tends to get distracted and dreamy and that he might get lost in a bigger class size...but then I did think that she would say that...!

no harpomax, I definately wouldnt rather he be at a private school, it is opposite to what I want. I'm not jumping at the 2nd school offer because it is in the middle of a term, it seems so disruptive to do it so sudden and because I feel that maybe all that disruption should maybe be held out for the 1st choice.

didn't mean that to sound critical, btw - I had to make choices about primary too and it took me a while to realize what I really thought.

I think actually, it is more difficult for you, because as you say, if you;re going to go to the grief of moving him then it might as well be for the school you really want. Has the 1st choice school given you any indication about how often places might arise? Is it a mobile population or not?

I know its a fair question harpomax. But genuinely if it could have happened over the Summer it would have been fantastic...or even better a year ago

elliott, places hardly ever arise at either school. Not a mobile population. People buy houses here to go to both schools, very, very oversubscribed.

But I do kind of think as I said end of Year 2 may be different but I don't know

if things didn't work out at School 2 would you be able to go back to private school? or is that out of the question?

Not that I actually think anything would go wrong at School 2 - if people are moving to your area to be near it, it must have a lot going for it!

Is there mobility out to private schools? That might happen at the end of year 2 (but perhaps not, given the credit crunch )
Could you persuade them to let you procrastinate for a few days - perhaps ask to come and talk to them tomorrow about it, to help clarify things in your own mind.
If it really is the last chance for perhaps years, then that is different, as it surely will become harder for him (and you) to move as time goes by.

School choice is a total nightmare, isn't it!

I also wanted my boys to go to their local school where they could meet up with their friends in the street afterwards, so I appriciate your dilema.

If you think you'd have more of a chance at juniors i'd possibly wait. But, then again, if you think you might have problems getting in later on, I'm not so sure.

Have you had a look around the other school?

yes I did see the 2nd choice school at the time and really liked it. and yes he probably could go back to the private school if it all went wrong because they have spaces.

If they would let me wait till after Christmas it would be easier after a bit of a break but they won't.

Another issue is that his childminder can only pick up or take to the 1st choice school so so far he has been going to the afterschool club and breakfast club 2 days per week at the private school. But if he went to 2nd school there is no breakfast club and she couldn't take him there so I would have to go to work later and work later.

I agree with others who have said how adaptable children are, especially when young, and at our primary school they constantly remix the children each Septemeber into different configurations, so they're always having to make new friends - and it seems to work fine. I also think that at the age of 5 friendships are not generally as important as they become later and so I'd agree with those who say "the sooner the better". If I were you, I think I'd go and have another look at your second choice school, preferably for an extended time, & see if you can speak to some parents/children, also the person who would be teaching your child, classroom assistant etc. It seems to be a case of "a bird in the hand" and if you don't take this place I think you might regret it.

My child has just moved schools (a couple of weeks into year 2) and has settled in brilliantly. We agonised over whether to transfer - whether the move to a school within walking distance, as opposed to a 10 minute drive away, was worth the upheaval - but all the signs so far are that it was. On the way to school we bump into school friends and it's easy to arrange spontaneous play dates, for example.

If your first choice school didn't exist, would you have been happy for your son to go to the school at which you've just been ofered a place (I assume so as you applied for it initially)? If so, my instinct would be to accept the place. Unless he's a very reserved child, he'll probably make new friends easily and you'll reap lots of benefits from being at a local school. The longer you leave it, the harder (in my view) it will be to make the move - for me, I wouldn't have wanted to do it after 1st term of Y2 - and it's still a gamble as to whether you'll ever get to the top of the other school's list.