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Original poster

How much,if any support do you get?

72 replies

Bonnycat · 16/10/2008 16:07

From family and friends?
Just curious really-my mum helps out a couple of hours a week now she has retired and babysits when we ask if she can but has her own life /plans of course too.
I dont EXPECT anyone to help as it was our choice to have them.

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Helsbels4 · 16/10/2008 16:49

My mum used to look after ds a lot and was a complete gem but she sadly died three years ago when dd was nine weeks old. Dad has new lady-friend and is too busy babysitting her grandchildren to be bothered with his own, mil offers occasionally but then says how tiring they are db and sil sit when I ask but that is only a handful of times each year. Ds is at school and dd does three sessions at nursery but apart from that it's just me and dh when he's not working (five and half days + four evenings a week). It's hard!

PinkTulips · 16/10/2008 16:51

none

my parents babysit every few months but that involves us dropping the kids to their house half an hour away and generally having to stay there ourselves so it's not actually hugely helpful, a night out ends up being so much stress and preperation i can't be bothered 90% of the time. they work full time so aren't available for anything else.

that said i wouldn't trust my mother or dp's parents with them for more than a few minutes anyway. my mom let dd run across a busy crossroads despite being told numerous times 'please hold her hand, she runs off' and mil tends to wander off with her for hours at a time and won't tell anyone where she's gone. fil is an alcohoilc with angina who smokes all over them. pil are 5 hours away anyway, as are dp's brother and sister, neither of whom have ever met ds (2 years old ) and have only met dd a handful of times.

i do get a bit when i see how involved everyone elses extended families are.... i keep meeting other moms i know at the shops without thei kids as a granny or an aunty has them. i can count on one hand the number of times i've been anywhere without my kids in tow everything has to revolve around them, just for once it would be nice f i could just drop them at someones house and pop to the shops

naturelover · 16/10/2008 16:51

How old's your LO, Penthesileia? I think my DD's teething is worse than most because we've had no breaks and she has a lot of teeth for her age. Which I suppose means we'll get it over and done with at least.

When I was moaning to my mother recently about how hard I was finding it she said, "hmmm I might come down before Christmas and I could do my shopping there" (we're in London). Helpful!

Francagoestohollywood - being the first of my friends to have a baby has made it harder I think. I'm glad you've got more support now.

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PinkTulips · 16/10/2008 16:53

should have said, i don't work and couldn't earn enough to have both kids in childcare so i really do have to deal with them 24/7 with the exception of dd's 3 hours in playschool.... during which time i still have ds and am pregnant with dc3

Anna8888 · 16/10/2008 16:54

None on a day-to-day basis as we live in Paris and my parents live in England and the rest of my family is scattered all over the globe; and my out-of-laws are incapacitated by my MOL's cancer.

But I do get to go and stay with my parents in England once in a while and get a rest.

motherinferior · 16/10/2008 16:58

(I love it too, NdP. In a non-stalky not-using-the-internet-to-flirt way, of course .)

My parents live several hundred miles away (and our relationship is edgy); my darling sister is even further away; DP's parents are dead (and his mother was quite frail and lived an hour or so away in any case); and although one of his three brothers has occasionally babysat, that's about it.

francagoestohollywood · 16/10/2008 16:59

Oh Pinktulips .
As you said Naturelover, it does make a difference when you can spend some time with a good friend who has children.

WinkyWinkola · 16/10/2008 17:00

Once a month my mum comes to look after the DCs when I go to my tutorial.

Apart from that, nothing. I don't mind in the least. We occasionally splurge on a babysitter.

motherinferior · 16/10/2008 17:02

To be honest, though, I find the whole family thing so damn complex/upsetting/wearing that it doesn't really bother me. Only when other people make jolly recommendations of how you should Go Out With Your Partner Regularly, or 'drop the kids with granny and go away for a dirty weekend': yeah, yeah, yeah...

brimfull · 16/10/2008 17:04

none
it's just me and dh
parents are in canada
inlaws useless

I do share schoolrun with a friend which is a godsend

Tyme · 16/10/2008 17:42

I don't get much at all even though in laws live very near. They love their grandchildren, spend time with them and buy them presents etc but won't look after them.

Kids are in nursery when I work.

My family live too far otherwise they'd be brilliant.

Penthesileia · 17/10/2008 11:15

Sorry to naturelover and francagoestohollywood - my dd woke up from a nap (topical!) and we had to dash out to the shops.

francagoestohollywood - yes, my dh is italian - & need to collect other nanni moretti films!

naturelover - my dd is 4 months, so still pretty velcro'ed to me, even if there was someone other than my dh to take care of her.

i guess i find the support thing hard because i miss my sister, who's gone abroad for a masters, and really miss my lovely mum, who would've been an amazing gm.

pamelat · 17/10/2008 13:10

DD 9 months.

My dad comes over one evening a week at about 5pm for 45 minutes (not always)

My DH takes over at 6pm until 7pm (tea/bath/bed) and gets up and does the morning bit (breakfast/milk) between 630am and 8am. Lucky me.

pamelat · 17/10/2008 13:11

Oh but parents and siblings do live near by so its fairly easy to get babysitters of an evening.

We have been out 7 times in 9 months, thats probably a lot!

Monkeyblue · 17/10/2008 13:16

NONE Its just Dh and I

pamelat · 17/10/2008 13:20

Oh also, my brother and his girlfriend and my PIL's are teachers so really I could "ask" for support during the school hols but I never do.

oneplusone · 17/10/2008 14:19

None from family. We pay for childcare/babysitter if we need a break. VERY expensive but our only option to ward off complete madness.

piratecat · 17/10/2008 14:21

none, me and dd are pretty self sufficient.

I would like my dad, sister to get involved with us, or offer to sit etc... but tbh I can't change them.

mum lives away. i do have a few firends tho who would help in an emergency, and have done.

PestoFangsLookGoodOnMeMonster · 17/10/2008 14:27

None

MrsMattie · 17/10/2008 14:27

Loads from my mum. She lives down the road and has DS after his morning nursery twice a week until about 5pm (that's 'set in stone'), plus will have him on an ad hoc basis if she can. She is happy to babysit in the evenings for us (although we don't go out that much, anyway), and at the moment, when I am heavily pregnant and DH has been abroad a lot, she has been an absolute God send, helping with the nursery run and coming around to entertain DS at my house so I can get stuff done.

My sister helps a little bit with babysitting (although she is studying full time and has a busy social life!). She will completely take DS on board as if he were her own child when we are together, too - ie. she has always been happy to help with bath time, bed time, nappy changes etc without even questioning it.

DH's brother and one of DS's godparents will babysit for a few hours for us if we are ever in need, although we rarely call on them.

TeenyTinyTorya · 17/10/2008 14:33

My family are amazing - mil takes ds every Friday for the day, and both she and sil are always available for babysitting. I tend to see my own mum every day or other day as she lives 10 minutes down the road from me, and she has ds whenever I have to work and dh is working as well. They are all very supportive, and ds loves seeing his aunties and uncles who are all still teenagers.

coochybottom · 17/10/2008 14:48

None. Both our Mums died a few years ago. The rest of the family live 160miles away. Feel a bit envious of people who have family support nearby, just to have that someone to pop round for a cup of tea with. That is one of the main reasons I am SAHM and can always be around for the DCs. My best friend is good and will pick up kids for me occasionally if I am ill.

francagoestohollywood · 17/10/2008 18:40

Penthesileia, would you like me to send you one dvd? Would that cheer you up ?

Snippety · 17/10/2008 21:55

DS 15 months....None apart from DH (can't fault him) and a lovely best friend who drives me and DS everywhere during the week, and is on hand for mutual moaning sessions .

My family are hideous and unaware of the existence of DS. In laws lovely but too far away. I don't really mind as I like having him all to myself

Penthesileia · 17/10/2008 23:36

Aww - francagoestohollywood - thank you so much for your kind & generous offer! I'm so touched. I feel bad because I've come across on this thread as more hard done by than I am! Yes, there's really just me and DH (not that I don't have friends, but they've not sprogged yet, so...), but my dd is such a little star (stellina!) that she's so easy to look after (barring her stubborn determination to resist sleep -- all done most cheerfully). We're so lucky - don't know how I'd cope if she 'd been colicky or anything. Even today we're having a bad day is she's cried more than 5 minutes in 24 hours!! I'm just sad because October is the month my mum died, so I'm always a bit down around now. [feeling self-piteous emoticon]. So thanks for your offer, but I'd feel like it was too much, iyswim.