New mum and out of my depth

[AnnVan]

My little boy is one week old. I've never been a maternal person, or any good with babies. This hasn't changed, and I just feel so hopeless, like I'm no good with him. My partner is brilliant at settling him etc, but he does seem to be a very screamy baby a lot of the time which just makes things worse. What do I do with him? Any tips for settling a baby that seems to be screaming for no apparent reason? Will I ever feel comfortable handling him and interacting with him? At the moment I love it when he's asleep, and dread him waking up. When he's awake I just want him to go back to sleep. I feel like a bad mother. I'm dreading DP going back to work next week, bacause then I'll be alone with him, and I don't know what to do.

AnnVan - you've been given tonnes of really great advice already, but just wanted to say it really DOES get easier. I was exactly where you were about 2 and a half years ago (DS had traumatic birth: lots of crying due to pain after it and nothing I did could settle him - however I discovered he loved the sling, being sung to, swaddling and being held upright against me which all started to help) - it gets better at 6 weeks when you get those first smiles. I also used to get DH to take DS out for "boys walks" when he got home in the evening for an hour or so, so I could regain my sanity and shower/do the things I hadnt managed to do all day - it was with a feeling of love and relief I'd see them both come back home a bit later...

Hey AnnVan, the advice above is all sound. One thing my mother told me to remember is that your baby can tell you are stressed and hence your DP can calm him and you cant. He knows you are wound up. I was the same and was terrified of DH going back to work. When you are on your own it gets easier as you have nothing to prove.

Get out for long walks while you can, good for you and baby, stick on some music and pound away. DS will sleep and you will feel much better afterwards.

Babycentre is great as is What to expect the first year. I've heard only bad things about Gina Ford (apparently she doesnt have any children herself!)

When you are up to it join baby groups, other mothers are a hive of useful information.

Try to

Please don't keep thinking you're not maternal. I think what defines maternal is a million different things and the main ones are that you want the best for your baby and you worry that you can't do it - which proves you love him.

He's so teeny tiny still at a week - you just have to concentrate on surviving. Him fed, you fed, him sleep (sometimes), you sleep (sometimes). Try and get out every day even if you just walk to the end of the road and back. Nothing else matters.

It really will all fall into place, you just have to take it minute by minute.