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Parenting

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Original poster

I wish I wasn't here again, last time I posted my ds was three and a half, now he is nearly 4 and he is still in nappies

28 replies

Overrun · 31/08/2008 18:01

Last time I got lots of lovely messages of support saying how late their respective dcs had been with toilet training. Any one up for that again?
Seriously I feel quite worried about it now, my health visitor has advised me to take him to the gp to rule out physical causes, fair enough. He starts pre school next week, and he is probably going to be the only one in nappies
I know that I have tried every method suggested to me, and that it is not his fault, and it will happen in time. I still can't shake a feeling that I have failed some how, and that the teacher will think that we are bad parents who haven't bothered to toilet train our child.
I will tell her what we have tried, but still, I really thought he would be sorted by this time...

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ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 31/08/2008 18:02

You have not failed.

A trip to the GP wouldn't hurt. I took my son when he was 5-6 and still wet at night.

How does your son feel about it?

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 31/08/2008 18:03

have you been to gp too check that its nothing physical?

Original poster

Overrun · 31/08/2008 18:10

I'm going to take him to the gp, as you say it wouldn't hurt. The HV said something about checking there is not bowel obstruction. My ds is pretty oblivious, even though his dt has been trained for several months now and is also dry at night.
Thanks for saying that I haven't failed, I was quite philosophical about it, and then him starting nursery school next week and turning 4 in October has set me off a bit

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muggglewump · 31/08/2008 18:11

SS was 3.8 and did her first year of pre-school in nappies. I don't know if she was the only one but quite probably, at least by the time she was trained.
DD could do it, she was just stubborn and was happy to wear nappies. In the end I went against all the advice (not on here, I didn't have the net then) and made her. It sounds worse than it was, it basically meant making her sit on her potty until she wee'd. It took 20 minutes, the first ten in tears and that was that.
Two accidents over the next two days and she was trained completely in the day, very reliable to hold it for a while and dry at night a month later.
She was also going independently without shouting for me to wipe her within 2-3 months.
It really was easy, just very late and yes I was getting worried myself by then but I'm glad I waited now although I supoose that's easy to say now.

I could have probably written your post back then though.

muggglewump · 31/08/2008 18:11

DD, not SS

SoupDragon · 31/08/2008 18:13

So, what methods have you tried?

FrannyandZooey · 31/08/2008 18:14

Just wanted to post support for you Overrun
I can't imagine that anyone would meet you and think of you as a parent who 'couldn't be bothered'

Original poster

Overrun · 31/08/2008 18:15

Muggle - in April we just went for it, pants and no nappies, we lasted until mid July. We would catch wees and usually the morning pooh on the potty, but every day there was at least one accident usually of the pooh variety. He wasn't bothered, we kept calm on advice, and then as it just never clicked we reluctantly made the decision to put him back in nappies again, as most people agreed that it just wasn't working and I needed a break from all the clean ups, and must admit did find the numerous public accidents humilating but tried not to let this show

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Original poster

Overrun · 31/08/2008 18:20

Hi Franny Soupdragon. Well I have tried sticker charts and rewards, not doing rewards i.e being low key. No pants and clothes in the house, letting him to decide when to use potty but encouraging him, being quite forceful about him having to sit on the potty every (well people say different things, tried every 20 mins through to an hour)
Saving up for a specific much wanted toy earnt through sticker charts again. Putting him on potty after eating. Trying the toilet instead.
Talking to him about it. Showing him how we do it, his brothers do it. Naming his poohs silly names. Pull up pants.
New pants, with favourite characters on.
Probably more, and we have tried to really do a method properly before switching to next one, take a break in between. Still probably confusing for him, but every one has suggestions, so you end up trying them

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Original poster

Overrun · 31/08/2008 19:35

Bumping for evening crowd

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Original poster

Overrun · 31/08/2008 20:56

Last bump, I would love to speak to some one who had a dc not toilet trained by this age, and to hear how that worked out. I think when I posted when he was just over 3, I got some responses from people who had had that experience. In a book I got about potty training, it says that you should seek medical advice if they haven't done it by 4, he has just under 2 months to go.
What sort of things can delay it, does any one know?

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nappyaddict · 01/09/2008 02:41

I know MrsWeasley had a late potty trainer - you could try catting her?

Original poster

Overrun · 01/09/2008 09:48

Thanks nappyaddict, I might just do that. I have had him on the potty this morning, but it is a hard job to even persuade him to sit on it

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Lionstar · 01/09/2008 09:59

Have you tried him on the toilet instead of the potty? - as an older child it might appeal to him more. Also does he see anyone else using the toilet regularly, does he know that it is just something we all do. Could his Dad maybe get involved in showing him what's involved - I know my little brother only really cracked it when he got involved in 'competitive weeing' with his Dad!

Sorry if I'm just suggesting stuff you've already tried

Original poster

Overrun · 01/09/2008 10:27

Lionstar, thanks for your input, don't worry about repeating advice, I think I have heard it all, but it's worth trying things again
I did try the toilet thinking it might appeal more, but it didn't. Maybe worth another go, he has seen his Dad go, and his brothers use the toilet too, so he has plenty of role models

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Miaou · 01/09/2008 10:39

Overrun, my ds is only just three, but still in nappies and really not showing any signs of awareness when he needs to wee or poo. He started pre-school a couple of weeks ago and I'm fairly certain he is the only one in nappies. Staff are fine about it (though I have to go in and change him if he poos ) and I have put him in pull ups so that when they take all the children to the loo en masse he goes too. His keyworker encourages him to have a peek at the others using the loo, then to go on it himself. He is very pleased with himself for doing that and his keyworker is very encouraging. I'm hoping that being surrounded by peers who all use the toilet will help him - he certainly asks to sit on the loo now where he rarely did before. You may find that it's all it takes to get him going.

And although your ds is older than mine, really don't worry about what the staff think. If you were the type of parent who "couldn't be bothered" to get him trained it would come across in spades by your whole demeanour, and of course that simply isn't the case

Heartmum2Jamie · 01/09/2008 12:42

Just to reassure you a little (that you are not the only one and it isn't your fault). My ds2 is 4.2 and although not in nappies during the day, can get through anything up to 7 or 8 pairs of pants/trousers in a day. Like you, I was told to take him to the GP to make sure there was no underlying cause, like a UTI. Also, his paed (he has other health issues) saw him the week he turned 4 and said not to worry for now, he will reassess the situation when we go back in January, when he is 4 1/2, but that it is not as uncommon as people think, it's just not something most people admit. I wish I had advice, but I have found that totally ignoring him has made things a little better over the last 2 weeks with not so many accidents.

I also have a 7 year old who is still in dry nights pj pants at night and they have pretty much been wet every night last week. I am not worried but it can get tedious.

HUGS

Original poster

Overrun · 01/09/2008 13:51

thanks miaou and Heartmum2Jamie-

I think the fact that his dt is toilet trained should give a clear message to teachers that it is not for lack of trying on my part
It's good to hear of another child who is older than "average" in toilet training terms, as you say, it does happen. People maybe just don't talk about it much.
At the moment I am using pull up pants but encouraging him to use the potty or toilet often.

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Miaou · 01/09/2008 22:39

I found I was making ds stressed by trying to get him potty trained. If it wasn't for him starting nursery, tbh I wouldn't have tried at all; I knew deep down he wasn't really ready. He got so upset every time he weed, he never once managed to wee on the loo, had no idea when he needed to go. When I said that we were going to use nappies again for a bit, the look of relief on his face brought tears to my eyes, poor wee manny! I've pulled right back now - if he asks to go on the toilet I let him and encourage him, but otherwise I don't mention it.

You make a good point about your other dt which I hadn't thought of - as if you would potty train one and not bother to train the other one!!

nappyaddict · 02/09/2008 07:29

Overrun - how old is ds?

Original poster

Overrun · 02/09/2008 14:10

He is 3.10, which feels quite old to me, he has had 6 wees on the floor/in his pants today already. He's quite cheerful though and happily mopping up with any thing that he can find

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TooTicky · 02/09/2008 18:54

Sorry, nothing constructive to add, but supportive vibes >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

nappyaddict · 02/09/2008 23:06

Good luck with the doctors

Original poster

Overrun · 03/09/2008 14:55

thank for responding. there is nothing much people can say really is there? I will just have to wait and it will happen one day

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Claire236 · 03/09/2008 15:07

My son was 3 in March & is finally in pants but only for the last month or so, during the day & for wees. He had an operation on his bits when he was about 18 months which I think was part of the problem but I was starting to get really worried about him. He brought home a teddy from nursery which the children take it in turns to look after & I pretended that he had weed in the potty which my son then wanted to do. I also bought him a potty training book which he was only allowed when he was on the potty. I let him sit on the potty in front of the TV just in the hope that if he sat there long enough he'd wee at which point I could go totally overboard about how clever he was in the hope he'd carry on doing it. Has been hard & still got a long way to go to get him to poo in the toilet & out of pull-ups at night. I know how you feel but it's not your fault.

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