When is it inappropriate to take your other-gendered child into the swim changing rooms?

[Thinkstoomuch]

Twice in the last few weeks I've been stripping off in the general bit of the changing rooms and then have noticed what I think of as quite old boys in there with their mums. In both cases the boys were probably 8 or 9 and they were just hanging around having been swimming, got themselves dressed in the male changing rooms and then joined their mums in the female changing rooms. Maybe it was because their mums didn't want them running around unsupervised while they got dressed.

It made me feel a bit uncomfortable and put a towel round myself instead of letting it all hang out as I'd usually do. Is this my hang-up or is that not a bit old?

ds1 8.5 goes alone siply because the sign is a 'rule' and an absolute to him, never had any issues but am picky about which loo we use

ds3, 5, will always come in with me if there is no disabled toilet. Just the way it has to be sadly, luckily dh is there with u mostly anyway and can take him in

Message withdrawn

(Last time I tried to take ds1 into a ladies loo, he punched me to the gorund which was te decidng afctor!)

Not sure tbh.

Ds is 5.8 and I can't see me sending him in the changing rooms on his own anytime soon.

8 maybe.

Oh good. So I've got another year or so.

I sent DS into male loos and changing rooms at 7.
Our swimming pool changing room is single sex, open plan and last time I went, there were some ridiculously older boys in there. DD was mortified!

Clary - I do so agree with you!

My ds is 7 and usually goes into the men's loo on his own, unless it is very grotty and dirty looking and he asks to come in with me.

I would not take him into a women's changing room now because girls wouldn't like it. I would expect women to be grown up enough not to mind, but girls his own age probably would.

Actually lostit, it's not my opinion re abuse from family members - it's a fact.

Not really sure from yr post whether you think an 8yo boy shd be in with mum or on his own or maybe neither???

I don't dispute that there are paedophiles in the world, but there is no evidence that there are any more today than there ever were, and I would still say that if that were a real worry you would never let any boy do anything alone, at any age.

Tclanger, totally you should use disabled facilities; I think this kind of SN is a completely different case, and pools should be urged to provide appropriate changing facs.

WRT public loos - DS1 is 9 and certainyl would never come into the ladis with me now.

In fact he takes DS2 (5) in the men's with him in places like the pool (ie where I know it is "nice2 IYKWIM).

DH, who often has the kids, said ages ago that I needed to get DD on the case of going in ladies' on her own as so often men's loos out and about are a bit minging and also all the men at the urinals were giving her funny looks, so she's been doing that since about 5-6yo. DH used to sometimes ask a nice-looking lady shopper to keep an eye on her when she was little.

Pagwatch/Peachy - DS1 does the defending his brother thing too, usually to other kids -'the reason my brother is doing XYZ is because he's autistic but I don't expect you know what that means' . Actually I don't think it's defending, more explaining!
Love the hair flick

funnypeculiar - school age children??? That's farce isn't it! Ds starts school on Thursday, he is 4 and a half going on 3 and his immaturity isn't due to me holding him back, God love him, he's just made that way. He would get very distressed and upset if he was obliged to go into a changing room full of strangers without me. Totally out of his depth I think...

About 8 sounds right to me.

I took both my children into the open area of the ladies at the swimming pool in the UK, so ds was coming up 9. This area is mainly used by parents with kids to keep an eye on, as the teenagers and single women use the cubicals (which I think are smelly, and avoid). I'm perfectly happy with ds using the male section in principle, but he would take absolutely ages and I would get very cross with him. Better to keep him under my eye, and well chivvied. I think the pool's rule was over 8's had to be in the men/boys section. I am not aware that ds has stared at anyone, and have no problem with him seeing naked men or women. I tend to assume that other boys with mums are with their mum because they need to be supervised (SN or otherwise). Here in the States the pool is outdoors, so they get changed at the poolside, and I've been giving ds lots more independence (but we have had 9 weeks of holidays, so I have probably mellowed a bit too).

I think it's a bit odd to have your lad use the male changing room and then join you in the female bit though.

I am all for children having independance by all means within reason.
Clary I won,t let my 7 year old in the mens changing rooms on his atm, but probably will when he is a little older.
If my dh comes with us then yes I will let him go in the mens failing that I will go somewhere with family cubicles as I won,t let him go into the womens either.
I do let him go into the mens loos as he wants to do that but I always tell him to wait outside for me if I am out first, if I am out first I wait outside for him.
I don,t condone anyone who wants to do otherwise its thier decision to make and as to what they are comfortable with.
I agree that alot of abuse is within the family but there is alot from strangers also.

There isn't a lot of abuse from strangers, you know. And we do our children a disservice if we bring then up thinking that there is.

Thanks seeker that's what I was trying to say.

Interesting that some people say their DSs are very slow at getting changed; DS1 is amazingly quick and always waiting for the rest of us for about 5 mins!

I don't think he washes his hair very well...

our pool says 8.i asked after old lady complained about my then 5 year old ds in there.they suggested cubicle-with 3 dc(one was baby),bags,buggy(to put baby in while i changed) etc.i said no.