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Parenting

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Original poster

When is it inappropriate to take your other-gendered child into the swim changing rooms?

67 replies

Thinkstoomuch · 29/08/2008 21:12

Twice in the last few weeks I've been stripping off in the general bit of the changing rooms and then have noticed what I think of as quite old boys in there with their mums. In both cases the boys were probably 8 or 9 and they were just hanging around having been swimming, got themselves dressed in the male changing rooms and then joined their mums in the female changing rooms. Maybe it was because their mums didn't want them running around unsupervised while they got dressed.

It made me feel a bit uncomfortable and put a towel round myself instead of letting it all hang out as I'd usually do. Is this my hang-up or is that not a bit old?

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MorocconOil · 30/08/2008 13:45

My DS started going into the men's at 8 1/2. He wanted to do it, I felt uneasy. However he manages really well. He starts swimming with school this year so will have had plenty of practice at getting ready independently.

lostittoday · 30/08/2008 21:24

I have to be honest I do think 8 or 7 is a tad young to send them into the mens changing rooms by themselves, I would worry about some sicko assaulting them especially if its quiet, you never know who is in there with your child.
I tend to avoid the old type swimming baths with male and female changing rooms and opt for family cubicles, much safer this day and age.

Clary · 30/08/2008 22:53

"this day and age"?

Sorry but SN issues apart, I really think an 8yo should be able to get changed on their own. Do you not let an 8yo boy use the men's loos either lostittoday?

FWIW child abuse is way more likely to come from within the family - in this day or any other.

I don't think even my DD (7) would be keen on a boy her brother's age or over (not her brother maybe) seeing her get changed.

I guess she could use a cubicle if that bothered, but, you know, why should she?

At what age would it be OK I wonder? Is a 13yo (for example) less likely to be assaulted by a sicko than a 9yo?

(Sorry but that kind of comment annoys me. TBH like others, DS1 was well ready to go into the men's room. I think DS2 (5) would like to join him if truth were told. I think it's a healthy and useful move towards independence.)

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funnypeculiar · 30/08/2008 22:59

Our local pool says that school age children should be in the changing room of their gender, which suddenly did my head in last week.
Ds starts school in Sept (4.5) and there is no earthly way he's manage in a changing room on his on. Not a peados in the lockers issue, simply that he'd spend half an hour sitting kicking his feet to make his shoes flash, or decide to trace his finger along all the gaps in the floor tiles.
I'm hoping he'll be a bit more competant at 7 ...

cat64 · 30/08/2008 23:08

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Morloth · 31/08/2008 09:18

I always feel really sorry for older boys I see in women's changing rooms, the poor things just don't know where to look.

I think 8 is about right and family changing rooms are very very good.

seeker · 31/08/2008 09:40

My ds is 7. He either changes in a family cubicle with the me or goes into the mens, changes, puts his clothes into his bag and brings it out for me to put in a locker. He's been doing this for about a year. Don't see the problem.

Tclanger · 31/08/2008 09:54

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seeker · 31/08/2008 10:04

Tclanger - I would use the disabled facilities without a thought if I were you!

Morloth · 31/08/2008 10:20

Yeah tclanger you should use the disabled rooms for sure.

Loos are completely different IMO. Everyone is in cubicles in any case and I don't really blink an eye at all at boys of any age.

Tclanger · 31/08/2008 10:45

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Peachy · 31/08/2008 10:48

i have to take ds1 in- he's almost 9- its because of sn but you wouldn't know that from looking; his dx states constant supervision though

Peachy · 31/08/2008 10:49

tc i have the same issues re disabled changing- and dh was given something of a telling off for it at the glastonbury extravaganza which makkes me wary too

we should though, I know- but like you say, someone in a chair needs it more

pagwatch · 31/08/2008 10:58

Tclanger
my Ds1 has ASD but no physical issues so I will always use the disabled toilet. He is nearly tweleve..
My DD has swimming lessons and i have to take DS2 with me. We do use the disabled facilities for that but it is also the family changing rooms and it is difficult as they get so crowded.
I actually wish more mums would take their NT small kids in the ladies with them. Most of the children in the family changing are small - certainly under 8 - and it makes it much harder for me to cope.
DS2's issues mean he gets very stressed when crowded and mums will put their hands on him to go around him etc.

Don't get me wrong - I don't blame the mums but I think Family and disabled being all one facility is a stupid idea. Their shopuld be many more family size cubicles

(then we could complain aboutthe selfish singles using them )

jellybeans · 31/08/2008 10:59

I would take mine in the ladies change until I feel they are ready, don't care what anyone else thinks really. Family cubicles would be better though.

twentypence · 31/08/2008 11:03

Our pool is 5 years for boys coming into the girls (and it is girls because they are only used for lessons)

There is no age up for the leisure pool changing though there are about 10 family changing rooms and 10 cubicles with curtains across so I can't think it would be an issue.

When we have dh with us I make him take ds in the men's so he will know how to get in and out without me.

lostittoday · 31/08/2008 11:09

Well thats your opinion clary and I respect it as you should repsect mine.
At the end of the day and dare I use the word sickos do exist and we have to do what we feel comfortable with as individuals its personal choice.
I agree with everyone that yes its not right for a 7 or 8 year old to get changed in the womens changing rooms, 7 and 8 year old boys are very curious with naked females and do stare. I certanily would not feel comfortable getting changed with a 7 or 8 year old boy in the changing rooms.
I get your point clary about a 13 year old as supposed to a 9 year old but surely the younger the child the more vulnerable and an older child may have more maturity to deal with a situation.
Anyway thats my feelings on the matter it may not be anyone else's but there you go.

Tclanger · 31/08/2008 11:11

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Peachy · 31/08/2008 11:15

Well the bonus for us is its only lessons so we are 1-1 with ds's as the pool adult - child ratio prevents us ever swimming as a family

ThatBigGermanPrison · 31/08/2008 11:15

I dn't know about my pool, ds1 is 5 and he's not going in the men's yet, I have to hang onto him like grim death to stop him running off and jumping in the nearest pool.

It's not a Durty Peedo issoo, it's a safety and practicality thing. He can dress himself, very well, but he wouldn't. He'd play with the taps, flush things down the toilet, wander around getting his socks wet, suddenly decide to see if "maybe, mummy, you got back in the water", approach every single adult he saw to make them help him (he's a bit lazy) and generally is a danger to himself and a liability. It's not just mine, I know a few 5 year olds like this, so I think from school age is ridiculous.

I love him with all my heart though!

Surely you have cubicles in the changing rooms? In which case, how3 can anyone see more than they would see in the pool anyway?

lostittoday · 31/08/2008 11:24

I think what it is prison is that yes there are cubicles in the womens changing rooms, but there is also open spaces with benches that many people get changed at without going into a cubicle.
I always go into a cubicle as I don,t want anyone seeing my flabby body lol.
So for instance if someone was to take there ds in the womens and go straight into a cubicle to get changed you would then come out and your ds would still be faced with naked women getting changed in the open.
I used to take my ds into the womens but now I don,t and now go where it is family orientated with family cubicles.

pagwatch · 31/08/2008 11:30

Tclanger
yes I agree. DS2 is rarely spotted intil he tries to talk or stims.
But I have DD who is very know it all about DS2 and will say" well don't you know my brother has autism" in a really patronising voice.
Being five she also does that hair flick thing at the end too .

( of course DS2 is also too severe to notice his sister talking about him so that isn't a problem either)

Peachy · 31/08/2008 11:34

Pag ds2 did that yestrerday - a child in a buggy pointed out ds3 was quiet, ds2 was all' aren't you aware of disability? he can't talk well you know'

a bit as we really dont know what ds3 can take in or not (plus he can talk a bit) but that he has a defending army!

Tclanger · 31/08/2008 13:34

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onebatmother · 31/08/2008 13:49

What a fabulous brother, Peachy..

Slight direction change, but what do we think about boys in loos? Morloth says no prob bcs there are doors, and I agree - but DS (nearly 7) has been getting odd looks recently and is keen to go into the men's on his own.

I have memories of my mother making a big deal about my brother coming with us, but can't remember what age he was allowed to go on his own - anyone with older ds's?

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