I'm finding it very hard to like my 3.5 yr old DD at the moment.

[dereelicte]

I'm just clashing with her constantly and have yelled at her more times today than I can count.

The main problem is that she will NOT fecking listen to anything I say. I am so so so SO sick of the sound of my own voice.

She seems to be constantly pestering me or hassling DS (2). She's so agressive in her interactions - pushing DS around, screaming at me when I'm on the phone, shoving things in people's faces then laughing when they flinch. Actually if I start writing down all the things that are annoying me about her at the moment, I might never stop.

To make it worse, DS is a real "Perfect Peter" in comparison. He's gentle, loving, obedient etc. The idea of having a 'favourite' horrifies me, but I seriously feel I'm heading that way at the moment.

She's starting pre-school for five days a week on Wednesday, which will be such a relief, but frankly I'm just wishing the sessions were longer than a couple of hours.

I feel awful for admitting to all of this.

And while typing that rant, she's just been playing really sweetly with DS

oh you have my sympathy - my dd aged 3.7 is terrible atm. Angry, agressive, violent. She has awful tantrums and is horrible to her baby brother. I'm also looking forward to her starting at preschool in a couple of weeks.

Sorry I dont have any answers - I just keep saying to myself that it is only a phase.

Sounds tough. Have you read How To Talk...? I was also at the stage where I was sick of the sound of my own voice, so I suppose my dd must have been too. How To Talk has been really useful for me in adjusting how I interact with dd, and has made a difference for us.

have you taken her out today?
My 4 year old goes crazy if he is inside a ot but can be quite pleasant when we go out

My little boy is 3.5 yrs old and is doing my (knackered, 26 weeks pregnant) head in at the moment. Just had to drag him from the park kicking and screaming with everyone looking on in pity / disapproval! Another joyous bank holiday weekend, eh?

Broc - I've started reading it, but have had a umm...hiatus. Will go and dust it off. (I just find parenting books so dull, but I do know that How to Talk is worth persevering with).

We've only been out briefly today, but it really doesn't seem to make much difference if we have a fabulous action-packed day or not.

I feel like sneaking out of the door and running awaaaaaaay!

I don't get along well with parenting guides really, and found 'How To Talk...' all very nice in theory but impossible in practice, and probably suited to those with older children. Different strokes, though.

I find that 2-3 times a year we get a period of about 4-6 weeks where DD is very trying indeed. I begine to wonder what I have done wrong. Then she snaps out of it.

Hopefully this will be a shortlived phase.

Broccoli - in the mean time, can you recommend some strategies for:

a) getting her to tidy up

b) let me finish a conversation with another adult

c) get dressed

d) stop jumping on DS's head.

Pwease

It would be wonderful if it was a phase. Three years could still be a phase, right

While typing that, "Goody Two Shoes" DS cracked an egg into the tea-pot.

Lol. Havent read how to talk but here is what I do:

a) getting her to tidy up. tell her she will trip over toys etc if she doesnt move them. Wait for said trip to happen. Suggest you do it together. works 90% of time.

b) let me finish a conversation with another adult. ignore her or threaten to stop treat/go home etc. carry out threat if needed

c) get dressed. let her pick own clothes and dress herself. tell her she is very clever at doing so. soon she will want to do it herself and you wont get a look in.

d) stop jumping on DS's head. tell her you will jump on hers . be consistent. she will stop it soon. promise.

Eustacia - thank you! I have tried all of those things though, honestly (except jumping on her head ). She is just so bloody-minded, and carrying out threats such as going home is like cutting my nose to spite my face. She just doesn't give a toss.

It's hard isnt it. What motivates her?

Also, I'm just fed up of threatening her with punishments all the time.

e.g. Right now she's in the garden and she's turned the outside tap on, then left it running while she rides her trike.

Me: DD please will you turn the tap off.

DD - No.

Me - It's wasting water and costing us money.

DD - No it isn't

Me - Tap. Off!

DD -

Me - Fine, if you don't turn it off, I'll bring you bike inside.

DD -

Me - I'm going to take your bike then.

DD - OKaaay

This is a fairly typical spat. Where am I going wrong?

EV - I don't know!! How crap am I????

I know this is terribly unoriginal but star chart? I'm sure you've probably thought of that but whenever ds has a tougher patch it seems to help.

What does she like/ gets her excited?

Sorry didn't see last post as hadn't refreshed screen for ages.

We've been using a star chart recently to encourage her to stay in bed. We've been doing it for about 3 months though, and she's been getting a toy for every 5 to 10 stars. She really doesn't need/want any more toys though, and I really can't think of other treats for her at the moment.

I think I'm having a mind-block. There must be something! What do your 3.5 yr old DDs like?

Having many of the same probs, especially the not-listening and the long drawn out process of threats and bribes to get her to do anything. Oh God, and the butting in to every conversation! My dd is 3.8.

There's been a lot of these threads around recently about 3 and 4 year olds. Is it because it's the summer holidays? Mine goes back to her (pretty old-fashioned, v structured, quite strict) nursery next week. I cannot wait for some external discipline but I'm certain I will once again be told what a "delight" she is to have around!!!

In the meantime, I'm off to order the How To Talk book - have seen it recommended on here many times.

Oh sorry, meant to say my dd loves stickers of any sort - any use?

I'm in the same boat. My daughter ignores every word I say and I feel like I have no control over her. I am constantly having to pull a threat out of the bag. If you don't stop that we won't x,y,z. And she mocks me "yes we will".

I do carry out some threats, but when I do, it is torture, because she can whinge for TWO HOURS. I'm not exaggerating. I do time out and reward charts too, but I've a feeling I'm not doing it right. Not sure.

The idea of having a favourite also horrifies me, but I know exactly what you mean.

PS, agree with going out. My DD is an angel when we're out!

Derelicte, you could be me! Except I've got a ds, not dd, but he is also 3.5 and VERY annoying/naughty/aggressive towards his little sister.

I don't have any easy answers, but I think most of the time it's boredom and jealousy which cause the problems. When I give ds undivided attention, he can behave beautifully. The trouble is, I can't always do this as some of the time I have to cook dinner/deal with dd/talk to other adults. Ds doesn't understand this and thinks I am way out of line every time I do something which doesn't revolve around him.

Just wanted you to know that you are NOT ALONE!

Hi
Toys imho are way too big a reward for regular reward chart use. Ds gets a choc button or humble a sticker each day if he has enough stars.

So his chart is split into 6 'requirements' which we look at each evening before his bath.
For you each thing could obviously be e.g. no pushing ds etc.

If he gets all 6 stars ds gets the reward. I remind him when he is doing something which puts a star and therefore the choc or sticker at risk.

In reality we only use the chart when he is having a more challenging patch. He hasn't learned to expect a reward just for behaving OK as I think is the fear with such things.