I'm finding it very hard to like my 3.5 yr old DD at the moment.

[dereelicte]

I'm just clashing with her constantly and have yelled at her more times today than I can count.

The main problem is that she will NOT fecking listen to anything I say. I am so so so SO sick of the sound of my own voice.

She seems to be constantly pestering me or hassling DS (2). She's so agressive in her interactions - pushing DS around, screaming at me when I'm on the phone, shoving things in people's faces then laughing when they flinch. Actually if I start writing down all the things that are annoying me about her at the moment, I might never stop.

To make it worse, DS is a real "Perfect Peter" in comparison. He's gentle, loving, obedient etc. The idea of having a 'favourite' horrifies me, but I seriously feel I'm heading that way at the moment.

She's starting pre-school for five days a week on Wednesday, which will be such a relief, but frankly I'm just wishing the sessions were longer than a couple of hours.

I feel awful for admitting to all of this.

Make some of her treats non-material. Ie, painting her toenails, or a trip to the park rather than a toy. Alternate some time at weekends so she has an hour with you while your OH has DS and the next weekend you swap so she has time with your OH and you have DS. Proper quality time. My DD really liked that.

Chipmunks - really like your ideas, and EV - nail painting is a good idea. I bet she'd love that.

Thanks for the tips and support! [pitifully grateful emoticon]

p.s. and make massive fuss over your dd if she gets maximum stars, tell daddy, grandparents, anyone who will listen in the supermarket queue(ok maybe not the last one)so she feels really proud of herself!

Would def. do the nail painting if I had a dd! Lovely idea!

dereelicte, the conversation you typed about that tap incident reminds me very much of me/dd, she is 4.2. We are arguing more than usual of late but i'm sure a lot of it's school holidays. Only 2 more weeks til she's back at preschool

I have no suggestions i'm affraid, but lots of empathy. I truely believe it's an age thing

Things dd would like as a reward, stickers, a trip to the local shop to get a magazine, trip to the poundshop to get a new toy(cheap and crap but she's happy and so i am i as it's cheap!!) a new dvd(they can be cheap) an extra story at bedtime, stay up late?

It really is child specific, imo, my dd for example loves to watch footie with her dad in the evening with a lemonade and some crisps. Doesn't hurt every so often. Lemonade is the clincher as she isn't normally allowed it

OK I've made a Butterfly Chart with DD. It has lots of four-petalled flowers on it. At the end of each day she will be allowed to put a butterfly sticker on each petal for each of the following:

1. Going to bed well

2. Doing what I ask her to do straight away all day

3. Not wetting herself (she's got into a habit recently of leaving it too late to get to the loo in time).

4. Not poking things in people's faces.

That covers the four main problem areas at the moment. If she gets a butterfly on each petal, she'll get a small treat at the and of the day, like a sweetie, or a stamp on her hand (she loves them!)

Just wanted to tell you that my diffcult, whingy, stroppy 3.5 year old has turned into a lovely mature charming 5 year old - so there's hope yet!!

Stickers charts/pasta jars etc were good for us as well! As a change the C Beebies magazine ones are quite good.