SAHM versus a WOHM - what have you chosen and why?

[Gateau]

Turn it into a HUGE bun fight if you want to, but this isn't my intention. I'm just interested in hearing which people prefer - and why.
EACH TO THEIR OWN.

"Sort of a bit like Anniemac - I'm the breadwinner, DH never earned anything like as much as me even when he was in full-time paid employment and now after nearly 10 years of being a SAHD I think it would be difficult for him to get back to work (and plus he doesn't want to).

If I had my time again I would want both of us to work part-time because I do (I'm afraid) feel I have missed out and that is even with only working four days a week, rarely working evenings, never working weekends etc. BUT as Anniemac says, supporting your family is in itself an act of love and I hope that one day my DSs or some of them anyway will be proud of me, just as I am more proud of my dad now that I realise how uncomplainingly he shouldered his responsibilities."

This is similar to us.

WOHM but only 1 day per week.
Could quite easily stay at home but actually do enjoy my job for the short time that I am there!
Plus,I earn quite good money for so few hours!

Technically I'm a full-time PhD student but only have 3 days/week childcare and work Saturdays. I think working PT 3 days/week is ideal for me. I won't increase the childcare but it is very hard trying to cram in 5+ days work and i hate having to work on weekends (and evenings but I'm usually too knackered). I have sometimes felt unable to cope but it's getting better now. If I could really manage with 3 days/week it would be ideal and I'll try to get a PT postdoc. If the choice is FT or nothing - I don't think I'll go for it but I know I'll be tempted. Got another year before I face that.

I think I could be happy working FT but I don't think dd would be happy since dh already has a very demanding job. I don't think it will work well for us as a family for us both to have such demanding jobs. I think you also may a judgement concerning your particular child and family. I might reconsider later - it's not set in stone.

WOHM 4 days a week. When work is going well it's fine and I enjoy the contrast between work and home.

However at the minute I am finding it hard. Work is tough because of redundancies and restructures, I'm a bit under par because of minor ailments and I feel I need all my energy because its full speed Tuesday - Friday so I haven't time to fall behind on things. Plus DS aged 2.6 has suddenly become so darned cute, has just started saying Mummy I wuv you and is generally more fun to be around. Its a real strain now to wave good bye to him in the morning, and in the evening I'm too knackered to really enjoy him iyswim.

Also DH is a contractor and his take home is so ridiculously large compared to mine, it does make me wonder if its worth the effort.

Ideally I'd still work but 2 - 3 days a week would be my ideal.

Same as rookiemater - I'd love to work part time, but we need my F/T wage. Actually, ideally I'd be a SAHM but that's never going to happen.

I'm lucky to work at home for a couple of days a week and be flexible so I can see more of DD so I try not to complain.

Im a WOHM fulltime and always have been (dd now 2.3) and although it is knackering sometimes it is the right choice for us right now as, in no particular order:

-I am the main earner, although dp earns quite a bit now his income is very variable and he couldn't guarantee to pay the bills every month.

-I value my financial independence.

-Becoming a SAHM is just not viable if I ever wanted to return to my career.

-I enjoy my job most of the time; when it's good it's very good when it's bad it's shite.

-I would go mad if I was at home with dd on a full-time basis.

-P/t work is possible but would delay my training considerably and make my income on a future mat. leave vastly reduced (see point 1).

I would ideally work 4 days/week but until that is possible or we have another dc we will carry on as we are.
I love the "work as an act of love" pont that anniemac made, I've never really thought of my situation like that and I find it a really comforting thought after a busy day at work. Thank you .

I work 3 days a week - 2 in the office and 1 from home. I do it mainly because I struggled with being at home full time, because the cash is handy and because I worry what will be left after ds and any future brothers or sisters have grown up.

I love my time with my ds but I also need something for me.

Atm I'm a SAHM but after 7 years I am completely bored shitless. I am going back to college full time in September whilst DH becomes a SAHD and then I will be working full time. I can't wait.

Trying to decide, currently a SAHM with some sporadic pt time work. A friend and I are thinking of applying for jobs on a job-share basis, and then helping with each other's kids. It's really tricky to make up my mind, because DH works alot, he can't really pick up the housework slack if i start working. My sons are 2 and 3, and they do like me looking after them, but I worry about being shut out of the workforce if I keep pottering around here for too much longer.

SAHM for loads of reasons

• Primarily, I feel that I am the best person to be looking after my DSs. Thankfully DH wasn't keen on using childcare either. We planned for me to give up work so money wasn't an issue.

• I didn't like my job, despite the fact that it was on paper, a decent job. I don't want to go back to that kind of work if I can help it. Even if I had gone back, so much of my salary would have been eaten up with childcare costs, I wouldn't have felt the pain of the job worth the amount I was getting out of it.

• I like being in charge of my own time. I can't imagine working in an office, working the regular hours, whether I feel like it or not and being told what to do by other people.

• I wanted to retrain for something else so I have been studying on and off whilst not having a paid job. Half way through an MSc at the moment.

• DH earned more than me and although we did the same work, he loved it when I didn't. I suppose he is way better at it too so I was happy to let him do what he needed to do to further his career which he couldn't have done if my job had to be considered too.

• As it turned out we moved to a different part of the country when DS1 was 15mths so I would have left my job anyway. Then 2.5 yrs after than and after DS2 was born we moved again so not long enough for career building jobs!

I have been off 8 years now but DS2 starts school in September so I am going to work part time in the dreaded job but for DH, who has set up his own firm, so no school holiday working, when the children are ill or outside of school hours. Ideal really except for what I will have to do! The rest of the time I will be studying and I hope to start my own business so I can drop working for DH and truly be my own boss.

Nice to see a SAHM/WOHM thread with no judging. We all do our best, regardless of our choices.

I have loved being a SAHM but it was never going to be forever and it is time for a change of scene. I don't have the equivilent of two degrees, half an MSc and a professional qualification to never earn any money again but I don't regret for a second putting my children before a career for so long.

These are my very truthful reasons for being a SAHM at the moment:
-I am a control freak and feel that nobody could look after my kids while they are little better than I.

-I believe that from an emotional point of view, little children need the consistency of a single carer looking after them. I want to be that person.

-Because my children will only be small once. I know one day I will miss these years.

-DS1 has special needs, and I am 100% confident that he would not get the one to one stimulation I give him every morning if he went to a crèche with people that don?t care for him as much as I do.

-Because I am extremely lucky to be able to afford it.

-Because before having children, I was very career driven and my job defined me, but after having children my priorities have changed completely and now I see my future career/job as a way to fund a comfortable lifestyle, rather than something I need to put the majority of my energy into.

-Because I was able to get a nice career before, so I see no reason why I cannot do that again in the future, I don?t mind starting again from the bottom.

-Because I still have 30 years of work ahead of me, so why not give myself a short break to enjoy my kids.

And yes I do plan to go back to work at some point. Maybe in a couple of years when both kids are in school.

I stopped work a month or so ago and am already bored catatonic.

It's much easier with the school run and pick up at 2.40, and I can get involved much more but aside from that I am completely and utterly fed up of going round plumping cushions.

WOHM here, we just can't afford to live on one wage. But truthfully after 9 months on maternity leave i was made up to be back at work. I miss DD when i'm away from her, but my braincells were slowly committing suicide one by one when i was at home all day.

WOHM.

Not really sure it's a choice as such as I can't afford not to be. Have been part time for 5 yrs but will be back to full-time in September. DH taking over school run.

I suspect I'd struggle with full-time SAHM though.

I'm a sort of WAHM - work four mornings running own freelance writing and coaching business from my office in the garden. Did this full-time before DD was born anyway, so from when she was seven months old I just continued but put her in nursery in the mornings and put my rates up to cover a bit of the shortfall. Plan to work up to doing the same with DC2, due any minute.

I am very, very lucky - this works well for all of us in terms of finances, work/life balance, me actually liking/needing to work, and DD LOVES nursery. Wouldn't want it any other way - I think I would be a rubbish full-time mum to a toddler even if we could afford it. I really admire those of you who are full-time mums or workers, by choice or otherwise - I'm too bloody lazy not to have a flexible day where I get a bit of both.

As always, these decisions are extremely personal. But I work part time (3 days a week, term time only). My reasons are (in no particular order)...

1. If I quit my job, (FE Lecturer), I'd be very unlikely to get it back again - I'd either have to go back into teaching in a school (which I wouldn't want to do) or would have to commute to another town to work in (min 40 mins drive each way - so would be less than ideal). I work in a lovely college, and like most of my colleagues plan on staying there until I retire!

1. I love my job. I'm able to continue with my subject from uni and I enjoy the intellectual stimulation it brings.

1. If I didn't work, we'd cope but money would be a struggle. I remember my parents going through that when I was a child and I wouldn't want to go through that or for my children to have to go through that when it is totally unnecessary for us.

1. I also remember that my dad worked a lot when I was a child, and I didn't always see a lot of him. He worked long hours so my mum could stay at home. Whilst I am eternally grateful for everything that my parents did for me, (they did their very best), I do want my children to spend lots of time with their dad too.

1. I'm very lucky that my parents look after my children whilst I work for most of the time. I am very conscious that my parents have developed an exceptionally close bond with both my girls... to the extent that my daughter was upset the other day and went to her nanny for cuddles instead of coming to me. That doesn't bother me because I'm not possessive with my girls, but am glad that they have such an exceptionally close relationship, that there is someone else out there who is totally involved in their lives, rather than just a 'visitor' to their lives, like their other grannies are. (sorry that last point is a difficult one to explain!)

1. I also wanted my children to be confident around a range of people - and so they do go to a childminder one morning a week. I wanted them to be used to socialising with other people outside of their social circle from birth, to develop that confidence of self sufficiency and getting along with other children without their mother always in the background. So far it seems to have worked.

Like I said, I think it is all so personal, and we make our decisions based on our own experiences as children etc etc...

i do what i want to do what is best for us.hope you are happy too.no need to justify to anyone actually

I work p/t, and my reasons are:

1. Money. We couldn't really afford to live on dh's salary, good though it is. Mortage, utilites etc etc and 3 kids = very expensive

1. I feel I worked hard to get where I am now, throughout school and university, and then in my job itself. If I quit now, it would take me a long time to get back to the same position.

1. I like the company of adults, and feeling as though I've achieved something for ME.

1. Equally, I could not work full time, as I think both the kids and I would miss out - this is a compromise - and I know I am VERY lucky to have a supportive employer.

1. I would not like to be a SAHM, as I know I would go stir crazy - I took a 2 year career break a few years back, and know from expereince.

Each to their own, really.

SAHM because basically I wanted to look after my children I guess. But also I had been department hopping to avoid being outsourced for a while so wasn't in the job I really wanted anyway. It was a well paid job though so couldn't bring myself to completely give it up when I had dd1 and worked p/t 3 days a week. Hated it, hated dropping dd1 at childminder, couldn't concentrate etc so when had dd2 and couldn't find childcare for the both of them I eventually took redundancy and have been as happy as the proverbial sandboy ever since! Certainly don't miss the office politics at all.

WOHM because I earn much more than dh so don't really have a choice.

But also I do a job I love, which doesn't involve anything extra outside the 9-5. I love the intellectual side of it, the variation, and the people I work with. Its a big part (actually the only part ) of my social life.

DD loves nursery (I have to drag her away crying at the end of some days!). We were both bored at home during maternity leave and both much happier since I returned to work. We have lovely time together each afternoon/evening and lovely days out at the weekend.

I have to work full time for financial reasons but if money was no object I might work shorter hours each day, or just 3-4 days a week to spend more time with dd. I would definitely keep her in nursery for quite a lot of the time though, she adores it.

WOHM

because

a) we need my salary, it's higher than dh's
b) I can't stand being at home full time with small children

I was a sahm for 4 years with ds but went back to work ft when dd was 4 months old

I was a branch librarian when I had DS, but I was beginning to think I'd come to the end of that job & needed something new. I enjoyed my maternity leave with DS - I'm never bored looking after small children - doing the housework is another matter, but I got over that problem by doing the bare minimum I was lucky that DH's job could support us both, so I didn't have to go back to work. Two years later I had DD & still enjoyed being a SAHM though I was vaguely thinking that I'd probably go back to work, at least part time when she went to school.

However by the time that happened we'd moved & the library authority in the new town expected staff to work 3 Saturdays out of 4 and were getting rid of qualified library staff anyway. I started volunteering to help at school, ended up running the PTA for a couple of years & reorganising the school library - in the end I was there so much they offered me a job - first as a TA, later as ICT support manager, which is a bit of a joke as I had no qualifications - I pretty much got that job because I knew that Ctrl-Alt-Del could unfreeze a computer!

I gradually added hours until now I'm working full time during term time - it was the ideal job because I had holidays free - even though I wasn't getting paid for them.

Now I've been there 9 years & DD has just left school, but I still enjoy the job too much to go & do something else - though I think I'm going to need either a major hobby or a second job in the summer holiday next year.