DH's no quitting rule

[Milcy]

DH has a rule for our family about not quitting anything. So when the kids (or I) take something up we have to keep on at it.

I don't agree with it myself but it has sort of paid off in some respects. When DS took up Judo he wanted to quit about 6 months later but couldn't due to DH. 3 years later, DS has worked his way up the grades and has competed in numerous tournaments (gaining bronze in one!). Although he still says he wants to quit.

Anyway the latest one is that the kids decided to join up to a holiday football club. They go 3 days a week from 10am to 3pm all through the holidays. The first week was fine, the 2nd week they were 'ok' and now they hate going and want to quit. They can't because of DH's rule however and its making us miserable. DS said its totally ruining his summer holidays, DD was crying last night because she didn't want to go and I'm the one that has to deal with it all whilst DH is at work.

I know we have to respect DH but at the same time, should the kids be able to do what they want on their summer holidays?

Particularly worrying that you said 'when the kids (or I)' take up something new you have to stick to it - so is dh forcing you to do something you don't want to?

This is a stupid thread. Why are you letting this man bully your children? What will he do if you 'disobey' his 'rule'? Beat you all? Lock you in the cellar. Tell him nobody made him ruler of the world, you think his 'rule' is stupid and he isn't your boss. How DARE he tell YOU what to do, and why are you being so pathetic that you meekly follow his rules? He sounds a total nutter and you are letting your children down. Is he violent too? This sounds like an abusive relationship - with him being abusive to all his family.

Is your DH Competitive Dad from the Fast Show?

Just skive off and go and have a picnic or chill at home if that's what you and the dcs want.

Tell him the course was cancelled cos of the rain or something if ness. Football is not worth this hassle...

Slightly unrealistic rule. I do see where he's coming from as I do beleive that if you join something you should 'give it a go' and not be a butterfly fluttering from one thing to another. My DS wanted to try karate and I was able to sign him up on a course which lasted three months up to his first belt. After that you had sign up to a further period (poss six months). I told DS1 that he must go for the three months but it was his decision at the end of it if he didn't want to carry on. I did get the feeling that after few weeks that he wasn't overly keen but he kept to his side of the bargain and I was very proud of him for sticking with it and giving it a proper go.

However if he had been really upset ie crying and begging and pleading not to go I certainly wouldn't be forcing them. It seems very unfair and as a lot of the psoters have said will put them off trying new things.

I don't understand how or why one parent gets to make a rule for everyone else.

Oh my god flashback to my childhood.

It is quite possible that your children will be feeling the same as I was feeling:-

sheer terror.
crying themselves to sleep.
helpnessness.
intense hate towards both their parents because they are causing him/her to feel like this.

I really don't know what to say to you, I feel so sorry for your children, I am sitting here shaking because of how it made me feel.

tell yer dh to feck off

msdemeanour, just because you are angry with the OPs dh don't dismiss her thread as 'stupid'.

It won't be a 'stupid' thread if from this she realises that she has to make changes within the family.

Milcy, I think it's time you took your kids side in this & explained to your DH the exact effect it is having on them.

I was never allowed to quite anything either.

When I hit adulthood I have let myself quit whatever I like, jobs, relationships, countries, etc at the drop of a hat.

Just tell DH that his kids will probably end up rebelling and bumming about most of their adult lives in response to his "rules".

I'm not saying that learning not to quit things is a bad thing, per se, I guess it can be quite good, in certain situations. But not all the time - and actually, when you see how many people stick with jobs/partners etc that make them really unhappy, you have to wonder...

Not being very helpful, I know, just musing to myself.

Sorry, just seen PortAndLemon's post re your other issues with your DH.

He sounds utterly disrespectful and a bit mad.

One parent shouldn't be allowed to have a rule regarding the children that the other parent actively disagrees with. Especially if it causing the children distress.

Rules are fine with flexibility and room for compromise. Having rules for rules' sake is for robots and dictators.

The thing that surprises me most about your OP Milcy is that you say "So when the kids (or I) take something up we have to keep on at it." Do you seriously mean that your DH applies this rule to you as well?

I am so grateful my parents never had a rule like this.

Like more, I can immediately imagine how your children must feel.

I was a shy and very sensitive child and really happy that I was not forced into situations where I would have been unhappy/terrified.

Dh sounds like a butch bully.

This is bugging me slightly. Are you going to speak to your husband about it?