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Original poster

No to toys that you don't like or yes so that your DC fits in?

66 replies

Shoegazer · 08/08/2008 08:10

DD is 2 so I'm abit ahead of myself, but a friend and I were discussing this the other day and I wondered what others thought. As an example, I don't like Bratz dolls, I don't like the whole image they present and I think they are rather tarty and tacky. However, I'm aware that they are very popular. On one hand I want to tell my DD that she can never ever have a Bratz doll and the reasons why (when she is older of course!). However, I'm not thick and I know that if they are popular she would probably be exposed to them through her friends and may experience a certain amount of peer pressure to have Bratz stuff and I wouldn't want her to feel out of place amongst her friends. I know that there is nothing wrong with being different but don't I want to force it on her IYSWIM so I might let her have some Bratz in that instance. So what route would you choose?

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solidgoldbrass · 09/08/2008 02:04

I can't think of any toys that I would ban DS from having. THere's lots of stuff I might not buy for him because we don't have any money (and as yet he's only 3 so not that fussed). But I would be perfectly happy to buy him a Bratz doll if he wanted one (he got a baby doll and a buggy for the Xmas before last because he wanted them).

christywhisty · 09/08/2008 03:04

I think parents who say no to certain toys are very insecure about their own influence over their child and it also strikes bit of control freekery.
My DD will be 11 next month, she had Bratz dolls, they are dolls that is all. They have never influenced the way she dresses, and she still doesn't even want make up and if anything is a bit of a tomboy.
I was never keen on pokemon or yugioh cards yet my ds collected them for years, he made friends through them.

solidgoldbrass · 09/08/2008 10:15

I suppose I might occasionally play the 'wait till you are older' card with things that I thought DS was too young for ie he might hurt himself trying to use them (quad bike or something - not that I cold ever afford one). But there is something a bit wanky about 'banning' certain toys, because it so often seems to be about class superiority (Eugh! Common children play with that, you don't want it.) Or the sort of stupidity that invests inanimate objects with malign powers ('Looking at pictures of that will rot your braaaaaaain').

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Original poster

Shoegazer · 10/08/2008 18:43

Just read all the replies since my last post with great interest, there have been some good points that I hadn't even thought of. On reflection, I'm never going to love Bratz dolls, but its not really about me so if she ever wanted one, I would probably get her one rather than make it some sort of issue. And just glancing at the last post, god fordid I become wanky lol! Maybe they do wooden Bratz with fairtrade cotton boob tubes and miniskirts so I can feel just that bit better about myself

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twentypence · 11/08/2008 01:15

My main issue is that children are now having Superman and Spiderman as preschoolers - ie before they are really old enough to watch the movie.

It's not about class, it's about suitability of the toy. A Bratz doll caked in make up and hooker clothing given to a child at an age when I would have had a tiny tears doll or a Spiderman toy given to ds at the age my brother would still have been playing with Thomas the Tank Engine.

MrsJohnCusack · 11/08/2008 01:28

i am constantly amazed at what children DD's age (3.8) have seen/have. she's a total telly addict but it's all Clifford, little Einsteins, and disney films like 101 Dalmations/MAry Poppins. I won't be letting her see things like Spiderman for ages - but I am under no illusions that at school she's going to pick thing up from others. I will try to not let her get stuff like Bratz because it is vile.

I don't EVER take her to toy shops - would be madness. we get nearly all of our toys secondhand - cannot believe the price of new ones - and we have some great stuff.

difficult isn't it. i was totally into playing with guns/swords when I was young (complete tomboy) - and i loved bloodthirst and gore. I seem to be fairly normal now...

claudiaschiffer · 11/08/2008 01:56

I think it is perfectly acceptable as a parent to lay down the law. There is no way I would let my dds have sodding Bratz dolls. They are vile. Fortunately dd1 is more into Thomas the Tank Engine - Hurrah. But I am happy to say no to anything that I find offensive and I am happy to let her know why. I feel it is my job as a parent to set boundaries and that includes the toys they have at home. Of course when they go to play at friends houses they can play with whatever crap toys they find there but I think it's fine for them to understand that there is some stuff available that I am not happy to have in the house.

I also was a total tomboy as a child and would much rather spend my days riding round on my bike, fighting with my brothers and falling out of trees than playing with mini hooker dolls - not that they were available in my day - 100 years ago.

But as dd1 is only 3 it is easy for us at the moment .

claudiaschiffer · 11/08/2008 02:12

Am happy to be 'wanky' solidgoldbrass. Absolutely nothing to do with class, but more to do with not wanting my little girls to have horrid pressures of sexualised adulthood placed on them when they are children.

Re the OP point about fitting in - then I agree with CapricaSix - it is fine to be different - teach children that not everyone has every toy available - it is OK to do things differently in different houses. Why should we all cave in to marketing pressure?

claudiaschiffer · 11/08/2008 02:13

Mind you I did desperately want a Girls World when I was little (it was the '70s). My mum and dad would never let me. It was ok though, i was disappointed (still am) but i survived!

Right - had my say. Rant over.

MrsJohnCusack · 11/08/2008 02:20

yes I desperately wanted a Girls World and never got one
but I knew my parents were in charge and also buying the toys so that was that. no harm in learning that I don't reckon

claudiaschiffer · 11/08/2008 02:24

Ha Mrs JC. Perhaps we should buy them for ourselves now. Hide them from our daughters .

Chandra · 11/08/2008 02:47

I have a friend who banned all things violent in his house. The children were not to have guns or violent characters in their house, but only toys that would encourage them to be creative and improve their imagination.

As soon as he handed them a big enough lego set, they buit themselves a life size machine gun

Califrau · 11/08/2008 03:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twentypence · 11/08/2008 03:17

Ds won a Indiana Jones lego toy in a lego building competition. He is 5. When he looked at the packet he said "look mum he's got guns and everything" but they soon fell to the bottom of the lego barrel when he didn't have a clue what to do with them.

The guns are still there somewhere and I've no doubt that at some point he will have a play date teach him how to role play guns.

But I wouldn't have bought that set because it ties in with a film that is not suitable for him, not because it has guns.

nooka · 11/08/2008 03:24

I'm happy to be a bit of a control freak when it comes to my children, and think to be honest that is a fairly odd statement to make. We are all control freaks to our children! I tell them when to go to bed, what to eat, to do their homework etc etc. If they have money of their own they can buy the toy of their preference, but otherwise I am not going to buy something that I consider repulsive. For dd that means most of the "pink" isle, whereas for ds that means no guns or other transient rubbish. However that still leaves them plenty to chose from, and I note that the rubbish they buy with their own money doesn't actually get played with very much anyway.I don't consider myself to be either wankery or insecure, and most of the other parents I know who have similar rules are perfectly normal too

I am happy for them to play with whatever they like at other people's houses, and accept they may be given gifts I don't like. I don't have a problem with toys that other people chose to buy, and don't tell anyone except family about my preferences. They appear to have no problems making friends - after all toys aren't allowed in the playground anyway.

Slouchy · 11/08/2008 07:28

My take:

I will not buy anything I think is nasty/inappropriate (e.g.Bratz, horribly branded (e.g.HSM)) and I make sure that mil knows not to get them either (She is fairly sensible but dd1 finds her easier to nag).

If dd1 receives things as a present, she can keep for a while, then I will surreptiously bin after 6mo or so - the novelty value of such shite is generally short-lived)

dd1 is nearly 6 and gets pocket money. If she really wants it, she can save up. If she has saved for 4 weeks or so and still wants the item (she only get 50p) I will prob sub her in a points for effort way.

Off to read thread now.

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