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Parenting

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Original poster

No to toys that you don't like or yes so that your DC fits in?

66 replies

Shoegazer · 08/08/2008 08:10

DD is 2 so I'm abit ahead of myself, but a friend and I were discussing this the other day and I wondered what others thought. As an example, I don't like Bratz dolls, I don't like the whole image they present and I think they are rather tarty and tacky. However, I'm aware that they are very popular. On one hand I want to tell my DD that she can never ever have a Bratz doll and the reasons why (when she is older of course!). However, I'm not thick and I know that if they are popular she would probably be exposed to them through her friends and may experience a certain amount of peer pressure to have Bratz stuff and I wouldn't want her to feel out of place amongst her friends. I know that there is nothing wrong with being different but don't I want to force it on her IYSWIM so I might let her have some Bratz in that instance. So what route would you choose?

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laweaselmys · 08/08/2008 10:07

Charlie and Lola is awesome.

Haven't got here yet but I do think you have to be a bit flexible. My parents refused to ever buy me anything that was popular because they equated it being popular with it being a fad, which isn't necessarily true. some seeming fads last for years (like pokemon). Sometimes this left me quite excluded from my friends, especially at primary school. I do see that they had good intentions and they were trying to teach me not to waste money on things that nobody would want in a few weeks... but I found it very frustrating and on reflection I think it was a little cruel. I didn't get pocket money, and was not allowed to request any gifts for bdays and christmas etc either so had absolutely no way of getting hold of them myself. So I do think having such a hard line approach is unfair, I would not do the same to my child.

I would try and be resonable about it though... ie, if it seems ridiculously faddy they can have one cheap part of it, but no more! Or if they want more they have to earn it in some way appropriate to their age to prove they really want it. Have no idea if I will actually stick to my guns on that one though.

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 08/08/2008 10:11

lizinthesticks obviously I am not happy I have no friends and therefore my children don't get asked anywhere. I frequently get very upset about it but what can I do when people won't give you a chance?

twentypence · 08/08/2008 10:18

Ds doesn't equate playing with something at somebody's house with needing to buy it for himself.

We don't go to toy shops with him though - which probably helps.

I think there is far more crap for girls. My friends daughter gets lipgloss for birthday and Christmas since 2 years old. I don't think I would do that. But I don't have a girl so what would I know?

I remember when Barbies were for 7 year olds and younger and you had a doll shaped like a weird sexless baby, now they are for preschoolers.

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Acinonyx · 08/08/2008 10:20

I'm making it up as I go with dd who is only 3. She already has a fake Tescos barbie and other dolls but I don't like Bratz. I find I'm not as inclined to control her choices as I thought I would be (unless it's food....). Some things have come into the house from the influnce of being in other houses - some Princess Disney stuff that I would never have got otherwise. But I think it's healthy and interesting that she meets outside influences - within limits (which is the bit I'm making up as I go).

I think I will just say no to some things but expect to be able to explain why.

lizinthesticks · 08/08/2008 10:25

"I am not happy I have no friends and therefore my children don't get asked anywhere. I frequently get very upset about it but what can I do when people won't give you a chance?"

Sorry. Didn't mean to be vile.

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 08/08/2008 10:29

You weren't vile.

I have had worse. I am at a low ebb at the moment and take everything to heart.

I appreciate the apology though.

LynetteScavo · 08/08/2008 10:34

I don't let my boys have guns or action man (although we do have one swimming action man in the bath that was a gift) There are a lot of things they've asked for and I've said no to, and they've happily accepted it. Both of them fit in perfectly well.

I wouldn't buy Bratz for DD with my own money, but if she was given one as a gift, I'd be OK with that.

There will be all sorts of pressure on your daughter to fit in, during her life, especially as a teenager, and obviously most parents don't give in to everything.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 08/08/2008 10:37

whats the deal with bratz? my 5 y o dd likes them she watches them on tv and im sure she has a bratz mermaid doll thingy hanging around somewhere and the styling head.

i get that they dress in ridiulous tiny outfits and wear too much make but do you really think that your dc's are influenced that much by them? i would prefer to think i am the main role model for my dd not a doll.

LindzDelirium · 08/08/2008 10:46

I just succumbed to buying my DD a Nintendo DS for her 6th birthday, she's been asking for one since she was 4 as most of her friends have them , but I have made her wait and she's had to earn it (good behaviour, helping at home and doing well at Dancing competitions) - I don't like games consoles though myself.

Acinonyx · 08/08/2008 10:47

Seashells - for me it's the outfits and not just for Bratz. So many of these dolls are dressed like hookers on a hot night. Actually dd (3) has a Bratz styling head from a charity shop - I didn't even know that was the make. Looks fine to me - not much make-up either.

LynetteScavo · 08/08/2008 10:51

Thank God I wasn't influenced by my mothers dress sence!

Acinonyx · 08/08/2008 10:57

I was thinking the same Lynette - my mother's role model seemed to be Mrs Slokam from 'Are you being served?'. Hair and all!

Not sure dd should dress like me - my wardrobe is a sad relic of it's former pre-dd glory...

sparklesandnowinefor11weeks · 08/08/2008 10:59

SheSells - I'm with you on that one i don't really see what the big deal is about Bratz dolls tbh they are just dolls! my DD has has a couple bought for her birthday before, and has the Bratz Movie on DVD from what i can tell the film is more to do with promoting friendships and being kind to your friends - whats so wrong with that?

I don't think of any toys as 'bad' for my DC - the only things i don't allow are violent toys like guns etc - my DC play nicely with their toys and make up their own games/roleplay/stories etc with them so therefore they are just an aid to their play, they are not (yet!) influenced by what we as adults think they may portray, to them they are just toys

bamboostalks · 08/08/2008 15:35

Sorry Mama G, intepreted your comment as your choice not your predicament. Apologies, as that must be lonesome for your children.

sarah293 · 08/08/2008 16:06

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Elkat · 08/08/2008 16:13

Yes there are certain things I wouldn't want my children playing with etc, but kids are not brought up in a vacuum, and so there is little you can do about the influences they get to school. I have certain (weird) things that I won't buy my DD - bratz, disney etc and she knows that, and so wouldn't even bother asking for them ... but I can't control what she gets given from friends and other people etc. Its easier to do that when they're little, but as they get older, and get given things at parties, then these things enter your house. My DD was given a bratz top for her 4th birthday. Its not something I'd ever buy for her, but she was thrilled with it, so she mostly wears it around the house. I think when the children get older it has got to be all about compromise, because at the end of the day, it is important to them that they fit in with their peers, so I try to ensure that it is bit of give and take all round.

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 08/08/2008 17:27

bamboostalks thank you. I hate the fact that I have had problems effects my children's lives.

apostrophe · 08/08/2008 19:18

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TwoIfBySea · 08/08/2008 19:29

Oh god, Bratz make me thankful I had boys! I was looking for a present for a friend's dd a couple of years ago, a while since I had been in the pink section of the store, and couldn't believe what they were like.

I also have a no gun clause, again if dts make one out of lego etc. then fine, it isn't a replica or anything. I bent the rules a little to allow their Star Wars toys, justified by the fact they are laser guns! What they get to play with at friends' houses I can't help.

twentypence · 09/08/2008 00:08

I wouldn't ban anything outright, but let him have it from other people. That would be a red rag to the bull that is my mother. She would get ds everything on the list "so he didn't miss out" (ie to annoy me)

Alambil · 09/08/2008 00:10

No to toys I don't like.

Dr Who/power rangers et al...

DS still plays Dr Who on the playground; he's picked stuff up (that darleks kill etc) but he's never seen it, so he does "fit in"

mymblemummy · 09/08/2008 00:46

I loathe Barbie and Bratz, and would never have bought them. Instead, my daughter had (and still plays with) Madeline dolls.

These are 8" dressing up dolls based on characters from the Madeline books by Ludwig Bemelmans.

They're shaped like little girls not anorectics with extreme boob jobs, and the clothes for them are like children's clothes instead of the wardrobe of a bargain basement hooker.

twentypence · 09/08/2008 01:06

Ds manages to play "Bad Spiderman" despite the fact he has no idea who he is.

I mean really how hard is it to work out in 30 seconds flat that "superman" can fly.

Califrau · 09/08/2008 01:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chipmonkey · 09/08/2008 01:39

Really, really depends on your situation. In our case, ds1 had difficulty fitting in when he was much younger ( long story but started out by him being bullied at age 6 and thereafter struggling to find friends) For him, I bought everything fashionable, Yu-Gi-Oh cards even though they drove me nuts, and other toys which allowed him to interact with other boys and have something to talk about. Now that the social issues have been resolved and he has other kids calling for him regardless of what's in the toy box, I am far less likely to cave in to peer pressure.

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