Please help with DD - I'm feeling like a crap mother at the moment

[LuckySalem]

DD is 6 months and I feel like a failure already.

She's constantly wingeing (it's not crying, there's no tears or anything) if you look away from her. I think she's probably teething but even once I've given her calpol and stuff she still does it - Also it doesn't seem like pain cos she grins at me as soon as I look at her.

She's also going through a phase of wanting to be held all the time. Which I wouldn't mind normally but I do need to get some housework done.

She won't sleep in the day anymore. I used to be able to get her to sleep 10-12 and then 3-6 but now she has maybe half an hour during the day and then rubs her eyes all day whilst wingeing at me.

I know she's a baby and they're meant to cry but all day?!

I think i'm probably failing her cos we don't have a routine (apart from those sleep times which have gone now too) she gets up when I can't get her to stay asleep anymore which can be anytime between 6 & 10am. I often forget to give her lunch (solids) we have dinner at different times everyday ranging from 6 - 9 at night (if its any later than7:30 I won't give her solids just her bottle.

Night times have become a fight each night. She'll start to get tired and rub her eyes but I put her to bed and she screams I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel as though I'm not doing enough for her but I need some time to me.

ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

this too will pass

and other nuggets of wisdom

would you like to go out on the piss and unwind for once?

you are not a failure

I remember going through some similar stuff with DD. How long has she been wingeing?

Stuff that helped:-

-A sling.

-Some routine (and I am not a routine person really) which we had to have to take her big bro to school, but then I would take her for a walk every day after an early lunch, and she would drop off then usually for an hour or two.

• erm - will try to remember more

oh me too. i am the antithesis of routine. but ds1 taught me a bit about it. well, that as long as you feed and sleep them at roughly the right times each day and night, they settle down and are slightly less work when awake.

its a tough old time tho, the baby stage, whatever way you cut it.

would you like a sling if i could send you one?

oh and yeah; of COURSE you are not a failure. the proof of this is that you are worrying about it. takes ages for that nugget to sink in (and antidepressants for me too ) but tis true y'know.

Ruffle - I'm not an "out on the piss" type of person. Would like to stay in and get pissed though!!! lol. Also I've got a sling thanks but it hurts my back (doesn't help that the bed we have hurts my back too. lol)

Norma - She's been wingeing and rubbing her eyes today for about 2 hours. yesterday it was from about 5 till she finally fell asleep at 9pm that night.
I'm trying to sort a routine but I'm failing miserably at sticking to it.

put her in her buggy and go for a walk? that will help her drop her

well i'll wait for more practical and on the ball people to help you with the routine stuff (but trust me, the 'kids are like dogs' thing is utterly true wrt sleeping and eating at regular times anyway.)

as for the sling that hurts, what kind is it? ( i have much exp of buying ones that hurt )

why not lunch? don't you eat?

I'm gonna try taking her for a walk if she doesn't settle but I worry about her getting "props" we haven't long got her out of needing a bottle to go to sleep, I don't want her to need a walk to go to sleep. IYKWIM

I think at 6 months she needs way more than half an hour's nap during the day, so I would make that your priority - if she tends to nod off in the pushchair, go for a walk at a set time each day and hope for the best. But persist with it because the constant wingeing is almost certainly tiredness, plus if you get a couple of hours' break from her in the day then everything else seems more copeable with. And don't let her sleep up to around 10am - if you want any sort of nap/break time, there does have to be some sort of structure to the day, IMO.

You are certainly not a failure - of course you need some time to yourself. Just ride it out, tell yourself it will get easier (and it will). 6 months is still early days - you'll both sort yourselves out soon.

I don't have any breakfast or lunch (bad bad unhealthy person) I just have dinner so it's hard to make sure she gets hers.

stick her in front of snooker or somethign boring, though a walk is probably nicer for both of you

my DS was pretty grumpy at that age and I couldn't put him down . It was a horrible experience. He started to improve at about 7/8 months when he was on 'proper' food (not just the baby rice stuff) and he got better still when he started crawling. I think he was desperate to do lots of things but was unable to do them himself. On more than one occassion my DP had to finish work early as I was a nervous wreck. We did have a routine though, black out curtains, etc etc.

If it helps the first happy day we had with DS was when he was 7 months old, prior to that every day was pants.

He is now a very very active 21 month old, which brings another set of problems but it's still more fun than the baby stage.

Hang in there, she will get better.

you woudl both feel better with lunch

It sounds to me as though a routine is key to babies. Can someone please make one up for me? I'm crap at stuff like this.

Took so long to post that I missed the stuff about not wanting props to trigger sleep - why not? If it helps, use what you can. Sooner or later she does need to be able to settle herself, but I'd focus on getting the routines in place first.

You poor thing, you aren't failing her! There's a world of difference between a newborn and a 6 month old baby, and it takes you a while to adjust that's all. Stop feeling guilty, and work on how you can sort this out.

Firstly, if you feel you'd all benefit from a routine, then implement one. It doesn't have to be set in stone, but some structure could be helpful. Set a bedtime (say 7.30pm) with a solid bathrime, story, bottle routine before it, and work the rest of the day to fit around it, with bottles before her naps.

She sounds like she is getting a bit bored- it isn't your fault, we went through this too. They suddenly go from being a lump in a bouncy chair to being this interactive curious little person who wants entertaining. You'll probably find if she gets more stimulation and activity her naps will improve too.

It's a difficult stage because they want to do things but physically can't do much- it will improve when she can crawl and tire herself out in a couple of months.

Try putting her in a door bouncer if she can hold her head up well, or buy a sit in walker. We had a learn & groove activity station which was great for giving you some time to cook etc whilst letting baby move round bounce and play with the toys on it.

Try playing simple games with her and get out with her in the pushchair lots, the fresh air and new sights will tire her out, and stop you from going stir crazy in the house. Joining a mums n toddlers group is good, too.

But mostly, be kind to yourself and accept help where it's offered, this stage is SO draining because they need you for everything. But it will pass.

Slarty - I know but I just never seem to be hungry so I forget about it till suddenly its 7 o clock and the day has gone without any food. (Except DD's bottles obviously)

Poor you!

Definitely try to have a bedtime routine every day.
I always bathed/fed and put my boys to bed at the same time and did the same things and still do tbh. I find that if you have a bedtime routine then you can work backwards and the rest of the day maps itself out.
I read somewhere that if you have trouble sleeping then to have the same routine every night helps, I am a lazy so and so and need my sleep!

baby/toddler groups are good. I used to take DS and if he cried the older kids would drown him out so I didn't feel like a freak, although I did leave early if he got really ratty. The same thing goes for gym / tumble tots etc. Swimming might just stun her into silence for a bit .

What time is a good bedtime for 6 months? I tried getting her to go to bed at 8pm but it just kept getting later and later one night I couldn't get her to sleep till midnight and then she was up again at 6am!! [yawn]

I used to be able to make myself get up at 6am with her and that seemed to be easier to deal with but now (I think cos of the bed) i'm still knackered at 6 and try to get her to stay in bed for abit longer.

We used to go swimming too but I scared myself cos I slipped and dropped her while we were in the pool. She screamed when I scooped her back out of the water and I haven't been since in case it happened again.

I have a whingey 6 month old DD too (and her twin bro). We recently did sleep training with her at night that has really helped her sleeping in day (she generally sleeps 30 mins to 1 hour in morning and then 2 hours or so 12-2ish, but this varies and is not set in stone - will then have a catnap in afternoon sometimes).

I was also often forgetting to give them solids at lunch (well not forgetting, but finding we were out, or they were asleep etc, so missing it out). They both sleep better now that they have solids about 11:15/11:30 and then a nap soon after, meaning they go to bed on full tummy and thus sleep better.

Also I try to get them in bed around the same time each night (we aim for 7pm, does not always happen, but usually between 6:30 and 7:30pm sometime).

We do not have a strict routine but do try to keep to it roughly and it does seem to help.

DD is still a whinger, and does the same, moans and moans but as soon as you look at her she breaks out in a huge grin! They are nearly 7 months now and seem (touch wood) to have improved in last two weeks or so.

You want an idea of a routine? well, ok, I don't know how many bottles or meals she's having so adapt this if it's not right.

Example routine:

7am bottle
play
9am breakfast
9.30am nap
11.30am bottle
play
1pm solid lunch
1.30pm nap
3pm bottle
play
5pm tea
quiet play
bath
bottle
7pm bed

Our routine was never set in stone though, I tended to snuggle him up for a nap at the first yawn.

Thanks James (I'm adapting)

Aaliyah's new routine:

7am bottle
WALK & Play
9am breakfast
10am nap
12pm bottle
SWIMMING
2pm solid lunch
2.30pm nap
4:30pm bottle
WALK & Play
7pm tea
Book
Bath
Cream
Bottle
8pm bed

I hope this will work - Do you think getting her in her own room will help with naps as DP works nights she normally has a nap in the front room either on the sofa or in her bouncy chair.