Nightmare start to the day! I am hating being a parent atm.

[Pinkchampagne]

Woke up to screaming because DS2 had thrown DS1's transformer down the toilet. I went in & the toilet was full of urine because he had obviously been to the toilet first, so flushed it thinking the toy would bob to the surfice. I know I should have saved it using the toilet brush, but I flushed before DS1 put his hand in the toilet. Well the bloody toy flushed away didn't it!!
I sent DS2 to his room for doing something so nasty & told DS1 I would buy him another, but he just went totally hysterical on me saying he didn't want another one, he wanted that one back & he hated me. He then came screaming into my room & started throwing things. He then pinched his brother & continued the hysteria saying he wanted to die.
I have apologised, told him I would replace the toy, told DS2 I would take one of his toys from him. I don't know what else to do.
Every day is a nightmare atm. I am really struggling on my own with these boys. I am sitting here in tears again because I am feeling out of my depth being a mum. I can honestly say that I am not liking being a mother one bit atm.

[charliecat]

Oh yeah I believe ya
My kids behaviour has plummeted and I dont actually know what to do. So I am not doing anything. If they are fighting over a toy i am removing it. If they are fighting on the tramp I am making the get off. If they are screaming over something stupid I am pretending I am deaf and ignoring it.
Have no break this week as XP is off on holiday..and im not even sure if he is having them this weekend...
ARGH.
And breathe...

[ELR]

at least your toilet is not blocked ds put a big toy spider down the loo and flushed it, it was then stuck and we had to wait about 2 weeks before we could use it again(when dh finally took the u bend off)
pretty normal i am always in a constant state of annoyance due to the little imps!!!

[Pinkchampagne]

Oh dear, CC! It can all get a bit much when you just don't get a break can't it? My two are constantly squabbling and if it isn't that they're demanding like DS2 is doing now! "I WANT A DRINK" "wait a minute" "I WANT ONE NOOOW!"
Don't you just love them?! Only 5 weeks to go before they're back at school, and this is my blimmin holiday as I work in the school!!

[citylover]

I have had similar problems since the start of the school holidays with my two - 11 and 7. I am also on my own and it's so bloody hard.

I think they are a bit hyper at the moment as exH and his partner have just had twins - 1 week old today.

I have had to continually (and I mean continually) check their behaviour. They have been doing lots of naughty things - and am afraid I have lost it several times over the weekend and today. And have been in tears several times. it doesn't help that I have got really bad PMT.

I sometimes think I would like to just give it all up, but clearly can't.

They are going to exHs tomorrow for three days (altho he did originally agree to have them all for first half of holiday but he threatened them with coming back to me for overnight if they didn't behave. WTF I soon put him straight on that one.

I do have a lunchdate tomorrow though and will be able to come from work at my leisure for the next three days rather than dashing back to pick them up.

But it's so hard and I worry that I am not doing enough, it's wrong and that they need a stronger male influence in their life. Don't consider exH to be that strong unfortunately.

Hmmm - I also hit the wine most nights to deal with the stress of it all.

[citylover]

PS They also almost continually fight. I am hating the stream of constant negativity that erupts from my mouth esp being an advocate of positive reinforcement etc but how can you be positive when they are beating the shit out of each other.

EXH continually criticises my parenting also. Nice

[Pinkchampagne]

Blimey, I can relate to so much in your post, citylover!
I get feelings of "I just can't do this anymore!", but like you say, you have no choice! I also feel my children need a stronger male influence in the house. It is hard being single mum to two boys, who sometimes appear to show little respect for me.
I have a boyfriend, but haven't involved him too much with the boys yet as he doesn't have children of his own & I worry the reality will make him run a mile!!

Ex H makes out he never has to raise his voice, which just makes me feel even more the weak parent. He will threaten them with naughty schools etc though, which I don't agree with.

Hope you have a good 3 day break & enjoy your lunchdate tomorrow.

[citylover]

Yes the though of introducing a man into my domestic situation fills me with horror tbh. He would have to be very very special and tolerant.

They have finally calmed down after eating their dinner. Am sure that helps.

Perhaps I need to feed them more during the day.

[citylover]

Hi PC Hope today is proving to be better for you and your boys.

I have to say I felt incredibly guilty today about how yesterday went even though they knew they were pushing me to the limit. And I told the boys that I was sorry for getting angry and that I would miss them while they were at their dads.

I do think of all the upheaval over the last couple of years must have had an effect on them. They seem OK on the surface but who knows how they feel underneath. Moved house twice, ex H has moved three times has new P and new family.

But being in the toxic atmosphere was also not good for them either.

Your new man sounds great. I followed some of your threads pre and post split and am so glad it has worked out well for you in that respect.

[Gateau]

Single parents ALL do a sterling job, I mean that sincerely. I can't imagine doing it all alone.

[citylover]

Thank you gateau.

As an update I have had an angry call from their dad this morning (thank god it went to answerphone) saying that they had been playing up and fighting and making a noise while others were asleep this morning. And for me to speak to them about their behaviour.

He and his new P are having to get up every 2 hours atm to feed their new babies.

I have not phoned him back yet and don't intend to.

[charliecat]

Ha and thats your fault is it?

[citylover]

Yes CC he tends to blame any negative behaviour on me and my parenting skills.

What he fails to see esp when dealing with DS1 who he calls angry and selfish is that he himself is also angry and selfish. I think that's called projection isn't it??

The DSs will feel the tension in the new set up because exH is trying so very hard to put on a front in front of his new DP and her parents.

He is full of superficiality and fakery. She will not have seen through that yet though.

Ah well I expect his new DCs will be of the Enid Blyton variety!!!

[charliecat]

Oh of course

I wonder what the new mum thinks? She is probably wondering how on earth she ended up having babies with such a man who rings up the mum to complain about his childrens behaviour in his house...poor lass! And to expect your children not to wake you up is just a little unreasonable.

XP, the last time I spoke to him, which was a while ago now, told me how EASY I have it, and how ME looking after the girls was FAR more easier for ME than it was him...because I had them all the time.
And because he only has then for 4 days a month it makes it that much harder for him...he was complaining to me that they were very hard to entertain and that they kept saying they were bored, and that they just wanted to be at home with me...making the time he has with them difficult.

Oh the sympathy was OOZING out of me

[Pinkchampagne]

I can't believe your ex phoned you expecting you to sort the children out!! Can he not cope with his own children??! unbelievable!! I don't blame you for not getting back to him - it's meant to be your time off!

CC - can't believe the nerve of your ex either! Poor him finding it hard to entertain them during the 4 times a month he takes them! Your heart must have bled for him!!

[Pinkchampagne]

I posted a reply to you yesterday, CL, from my boyfriend's laptop, but the bloody thing was so sensitive that I accidently touched something & the whole message disappeared!
I was agreeing with you about the feelings of guilt about the children. Mine were affected by the toxic atmosphere at home before the separation for definite though, and seeing me so often unhappy.

Hope you have had some well earned peace over the last couple of days & hope the lunchdate went well.

[citylover]

Thanks PC it has been bliss to be honest and I also have 3 days next week, then I have three weeks off with them. The lunchdate was Ok seems a nice guy. But I still have the on off guy who is currently on. Greedy me??

Last night I went to a colleague's leaving party and then on the way home stopped off at a pub (on a boat) that I have always wanted to go in. The alcohol gave me dutch courage lol. It was such a beautiful evening (I live near the River Thames0.

CC - he would not be doing in within her earshot much to clever for that. Expect I will get it in the neck tomorrow when he drops them off. I need to brace myself.

[charliecat]

Ugh Ive asked xp to just open the car door and let the dds walk to the door themselves but he insists on walking them to the door and poking his scrawny arm thru the door to drop off the bags saying something. I ignore him.
Its never anything pleasant.

Your pub/boat sounds great citylover. Where are you picking up all these blokes from? POF?

Hows the boys been PC?

I have the weekend to myself and am tidying up now so I can just veg in silence, noone talking to me...oh tis gonna be loverly

[Pinkchampagne]

The riverboat sounds lovely, CL, and good on you for keeping your options open on the dating front!

have opposite problem with my ex, CC. He is being nice...too nice if you get my drift.
He has taken boys tonight & I was going to carnival with my sister, but seems he is round my parents house with sister & BIL, and I get the impression he will be joining us! I hope I am wrong - don't want to stand there like we are one big happy family!! Suddenly not wanting to bother going out tonight!

[citylover]

Well I have been stood up tonight by on off guy and have decided that if and when he gets back in touch he will be given some home truths and a piece of my mind!!

I am usually so relaxed with him but have decided enough is enough. I am a mature woman not some teen hanging around waiting for a guy. Not that I would prescribe that for teenagers either tbh.

I am confused because he was texting me last night saying see you tomorrow etc but tonight nothing. I even left off work early so I could see him.

Unfortunately I think he knows how I feel about him however after tonights humiliation I really have had enough. The other irritating thing is that recently he has been drawing me into his confidence about a family issue/problem he has and I have felt really close with him. Then he does this.

Jeez I am so angry and worth so much more.

[citylover]

PS (again) he had better have a damn good excuse either way I will be laying it on the line to him and if he chooses to run for good then so be it. His loss!!

[Pinkchampagne]

Poor you, sorry you were stood up. Has he given you a convincing excuse yet? Ditch him if not & try out your other man!

[citylover]

I was at home so didn't have the humiliation of waiting in a bar or anything.

So far have heard nothing.

Ex is heading towards my workplace as we speak with the boys. I will get an earful. He has already rung to moan about them.

It is so sad. Even sadder that he might also inflict this type of negativity on two more children.

Do yours fight alot PC and what is the age difference?

[Pinkchampagne]

Can't believe he keeps phoning to moan about the children. Can he not cope with his own children for a couple of days FFS?!
Mine are 5 & nearly 9. They fight loads & it drives me mad! Mine have gone off with their dad for the night, but I'm too hungover from last night to do anything exciting with my evening off!

[citylover]

Same age difference.

They are back home now although DS1 has gone off on a sleepover with his friend so just DS2 - a quiet evening.

Ex did moan but I just brushed him off with a cheery OK and byee.

[Pinkchampagne]

mine have been a nightmare today! Don't think the weather helped as we didn't get out, but they have done nothing but squabble & make lots of noise!