Okay so I'm not at all PFB but do I go too far the other way?

[spicemonster]

I have one DS who is 16 months. He is not yet walking but is a very fast crawler and excellent at negotiating steps (we live in a ground floor flat with a big step down to the kitchen and two up to the front door so I showed him how to go down backwards ages ago).

Yesterday I was at a party and there were four stone steps down to the back door (we were sitting in the garden). Twice people shouted at me because they thought my DS was about to fall down the steps but I said I thought he was fine and indeed he was. My friend whose house it is does not let her DD who is a similar age climb up or down the steps on her own.

Then someone else made a comment about the fact that I was letting him chew on a bottle lid (a plastic one from a 2 litre bottle) and that he might choke but I think they're far too big to choke on.

I also sit him on chairs on his own (he's never fallen off) and let him climb up the 6 steps from our front door to the front path.

But now I've had a couple of comments I'm starting to think I'm just a bit of a bad mother and too lax. Am I? He's never had a fall or any kind of accident and I really don't want to wrap him up in cotton wool but I don't want to put him at risk either.

I promise no more bottle tops. He is screaming with rage at the moment because I won't let him out of the front door to play with the men erecting the scaffolding. The downside to letting your children roam free!

I'm very similar Spice - your point about siongle mother of a boy is interesting, I wonder if thats what it is. Like your DS mine didn;t walk until about 16/17 months and I'm convinced it was because he too was a bit nervous of falling (he is scared of heights). I also think thats why I'm not precious about him and steps, he (and always has been) naturally cautious.

Friends who hover and exclaim if he's doing something they think might be dangerous do my head in and make be feel like a dreadful mother but I do think you know your child pretty well and unconsiously factor that into your risk assessment antenna.

A friend once took a (blunt) knife away from DS to my irritation but I took comfort in the fatc that at 7yrs her DS couldn't butter bread as he hadn't ever been allowed a knife!

DS has a terrible tendancy to put things in his mouth - current favorite is coins and I do always remove tehm from him - though bizarrely his social worker gave him a pile of samll coins as a reward for something which I thought was very odd!

DS would never go down stiars backwards always walked down holding my hand - resolutely refused to come down any other way - carry or walk down that was it!

I am so reassured to read this thread as often feel i am a bit lax but have a very confident and sporty 4 yr old and a very "into everything" 1 year old! Worth baring in mind that kids are diffrent. I have never worried too much about cleaning stuff etc with DS1 as he is pretty sensible and does as he is told. DS2 on the other hand may be more of a handful - caught him with his hands in the toilet the other day!

Top tip though would be toddler gym/ tumble tots sort of thing. DS 1 has been going since he was 1 and has a great sense of balance, knows his physical limits but is v confident physicallya nd I really think it is from tumble tots

My ds was good with stairs...he didnt walk til 19 months but could happily crawl up and down stairs...think thhis is a good idea as crawling down backwards safe way to come downstairs...he still does this sometimes now if he wants to carry a car or something (now 2.5).

Chairs also fine as long as you around in case of wobbles.

Agree that bottletop could send wrong message re then chewing smaller ones but basically the thing here is that even though you are relaxed you HAVE asssessed the risks your ds is/isnt taking so as long as you aware then fine.

Teaching him to be independent a good thing i think!!

I consider myself to be at the lax end of the scale and don't wrap mine up in cotton wool. The only thing I would say is watch for the choking. I had a horrific incident whereby my niece (who I am much less lax with) who was 18months at the time, who I was babysitting at her house managed to swallow one of the those egg things that kinder egg toys come in (I didn't even know it was in her toy box). I had just done first aid but I can not begin to describe the fear of the incident.. am scarred for life! Since then I know of a little boy who choked to death on the end of a toy trumpet.

ronshar on Mon 21-Jul-08 22:51:55
"I am not judging my brothers parenting.
His DS does NOT have any specials needs. He is wrapped in cotton wool and is restricted as to what he is allowed to do. He also has a dummy still. And yes I am jugding that as it is stopping his language development. The same for his older sister."

"ronshar on Tue 22-Jul-08 09:16:41
Yes my experience of children is of the strong willed types.
My SIL is very passive and so are the children.
As I tried to say, different parents will result in different children.
They are lovely kids though."

Well, I wouldn't have been able to tell you that my dd had SN until she was 8, because that's how long it took us to get a diagnosis. Before then, I was just unconsciously adapting to what I knew she could and couldn't do. And my SIL judged me like hell, thinking I was just being a whimp. Made me feel really confident as a parent, that did!

I judged my friends for babying their dd until I found out (after about 9 years) that she had Aspergers. Again, they had been figthing for years to get a diagnosis, but they still had to live with what the child could actually do. Which made their parenting look rather odd at times. And they must have felt odd about it too. I know I did.

Ronshaw, you are so judgemental. And if you think your brother and SIL can't tell you are looking down your nose at them and their children, I think you are completely mistaken. I think you don't sound very nice, to be honest. They are your niece and nephew you know.

To be honest I only posted on this thread because I thought Spicemonster needed a bit of support for her parenting skills.

What I dont expect or need from anybody, especially people who do not know me or my family to come on here and tell me my nephew has special needs, which he very obviously doesnt have. When he is playing next to my DD and my other nephew his development is not the same. That is all.

Msdeamenor, I am sorry that you feel that I am not a very nice person but to be honest as you do not know anything about me I shall not take it personnally.

I do not look down my nose at my brother. I am very close to my brother, SIL and his children. They stay at my house regularly. I am always the first person they phone to babysit when needed.

As I said several days ago it was just to illustrate the different types of parenting.

I thought this was supposed to be a support network? Not a place to victimise and call other people names!

well said ronshar.

Obviously can't comment on individual cases but I do think parents can hold back their children by being overprotective. I have a friend whose 5 year old is not allowed on climbing frames in case he falls and breaks a bone.

Slight sidetrack but what do you think of those little trampolines with ridiculously high safety nets around them? They are so low down and if you put them on grass what he really happen? We visited friends today who had just got one of these - even my kids were laughing at it. We don't live in UK so had never seen one before.

what COULD really happen

If you don't want people to get the wrong idea, then don't exaggerate ludicrously. A nearly four year old who can 'hardly walk or talk' very probably DOES have special needs. If that is not the case, why write it - except to show off your own clearly superior parenting.
Nearly all of physical deveopment is INNATE. Many smug parents are reluctant to understand this, because it's much more fun to credit yourself for anything you think is fab about your kids, and to blame and criticise others for what you think is crap about theirs. Unless you lock your kid up in a cellar or tie them up all day they will learn to walk run and climb at their OWN pace.
In cultures around the world babies used to spend the first year or so of their lives literally strapped to wooded boards so they could go on their mother's backs while they worked. And guess what? They all walked and climbed and ran about just like any other kid. Native Americans did this. books.google.co.uk/books?id=CfekuKBLfpIC&pg=PA171&lpg=PA171&dq=Papoose+boards+native+americans&sourc e=web&ots=x2FmltGcfe&sig=rk-G5BUzNSA6unx6frC05DXTc0s&hl=en&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=10&ct=result#P PA172,M1

Is that the same as strapping a child into a buggy with a bag of crisps in front of the telly for hours so they dont get in the way?? Just wondering?