How would you handle a mate not coping with a newborn, if you are (and find it really easy?)

[WhatsupDoc]

Dilemma for you ladies!

My friend and I both have toddlers the same age and have recently both had our second child.

Hers sounds like a nightmare baby. If she's not feeding or sleeping, she's screaming. A really miserable baby! She's really struggling and is totally worn out and fed up.

I on the other hand, seem to have landed the baby from heaven. Through no engineering of my own, I have ended up with a totally chilled and placid newborn, who sleeps alot and gurgles contentedly when awake. I was petrified about coping with 2, but instead feel like I'm walking on air most days because it's SO much easier than I expected (for now at least - I'm not that deluded that I think it'll last forever).

We were sat having coffee today (there's a big group of us, but we're the only ones to have 2 DC) and she's clearly fed up, and asks me how I 'do it' (i.e have a contented and settled baby). Of cousre it's nothing I've done, it's sheer luck. But I don't know what to say to her to make her feel better without sounding completely smug and patronising.

Any ideas?

Compliment her on how alert/spirited/active/intelligent her baby is.

DD1 was a bit of a nightmare baby - yes, I know some of you don't like that language but it was a nightmare of a time as far as I was concerned.

But in my sleep-deprived, frazzled state, I did like it when people said things like "isn't she alert!" and "she's obviously very bright - she's paying so much attention to the world."

So much better than "is she sleeping yet?"

And yes, it's all completely random. DD2 was totally different and I don't think I was all that much more relaxed!

Agree with SmithAgain.

Just compliment the hell out of her baby.

All baby's are wonderful anyway .

Yes, I got all the "he's so alert" comments with DS too.

Because not only was he a screamer, but he was also rather odd-looking.

So the usual baby platitudes didn't apply

Is she actually not coping, or a bit fed up doing so?

(Note to self: choose thread title carefully when posting on mumsnet)

Not coping was too harsh, of course she's coping. She's just finding it tough going (her words, not mine, as was the phrase 'nightmare baby'. Ho hum).

Thanks for all the advice ladies, it's gratefully received. I think being supportive, without being patronising (or smug, obviously) is the way forward. No doubt my baby will bring her own challenges in time and the roles will be reversed!

WUD

My current DS is 9 months old and dare I say it, a bit of a nightmare. So cute but sleeps very badly, eats very badly and will not be left to his own devices for a second. I keep bursting into tears and feel as though I don't even know who I am anymore.

My friend's baby was born just 5 days before and not only is he super advanced for his age, he's starting to walk and say his first words, but he also sleeps through from 7pm to 8pm and also has a nap during the day. AND he eats everything he is offered. She's even started potty training ... with success!!

Moreover, because she has so much more energy then me she spends her time be very worthy and domestic goddess slash sweet mother duck like (knitting, growing organic vegetables).

She is unbearably smug and loves the 'let's compare our babies' game and it has seriously affected our friendship. I'm actually trying to phase her out.

potty training at 9 months? why?

You should phase her out Joanna, who needs it?

mumblechum, do you need any more friends ??!! Wow, having your friend's baby overnight, you are an angel!
I agree with others, praise her baby in whatever way you can. It is down to luck and can all change overnight!