Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Would you let him go?

83 replies

flashingnose · 04/02/2005 09:53

I know there's been a very similar thread to this (and I've looked coddy, I just can't find it ) so apologies in advance.

Last night, after being warned that he would miss the end of a programme because he needed a bath, ds totally lost it when I switched the TV off (he's 6). Lots of pushing, shouting, total disobedience. He was warned that if he carried on, he wouldn't be allowed to go to Beavers tonight. Sure enough, he carried on and so was told that he wouldn't be going.

Of course, this morning he's very sorry and is desperate to go. I knew this would happen and DH and I discussed it last night and our inclination is to stand firm.

Would you?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
WideWebWitch · 04/02/2005 12:03

ha ha jampots, enormous chocolate brown eyes brimming with tears in our house but I am HARD AS NAILS!

essbee · 04/02/2005 12:04

Message withdrawn

Tortington · 04/02/2005 21:16

my kids are upset hyper , pissed off when they are watching telly before bed. wenow switch it off at 9pm and do school spellings - this bores then shitless and they sleep

hth

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
RTKangaMummy · 04/02/2005 21:20

what happened?

kama · 05/02/2005 20:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

galaxy7 · 05/02/2005 21:25

Did you let him go, flashingnose?

galaxy · 05/02/2005 21:47

HOw confusing...another galaxy

RTKangaMummy · 05/02/2005 22:14

wow that is weird

I saw the first galaxy post and then there was another one

That is mega confusing and very weird.

Are you new galaxy7 ??????

Caligula · 05/02/2005 22:20

FN I hope you didn't let him go, because I did a similar thing to my DS about 3 weeks ago, we were at a wedding, he started creating in the church so I took him out, told him if he didn't calm down he wouldn't be allowed to go to his Crusaders (or whatever his little group for 5 year olds is called), he carried on for another 20 minutes and I missed most of the wedding service, so he didn't go.

Felt like bitch Mummy from hell, so now want validation from someone else who has done the same thing!

biglips · 05/02/2005 22:24

FN - that is exactly what i would do, give them a warning and if they still carry on, they will NOT go... he gotta learn how to behave himself as he is old enough to understand what you meant. youre doing the right thing

biglips · 05/02/2005 22:28

BUT i havent got a 6 yrs old child but my DP had got a (nearly) 6 yrs old DD and ive got 4 yrs experience with her but she is lovely most of the time, just the odd days (we have her every fortnight) X

hatsoff · 05/02/2005 22:40

when I had similar with dd aged 4 re ballet I consulted mn and the consencus (sp?) was defniitely stand firm. And I do think that was right. However I kind of wheedled a bit of a compromise - said we would have cake in a cafe - so the threat was carried out and she did learn her lesson but my conscience was eased a bit. (at the time, in the scheme of things, she'd have ranked ballet 10/10 and cake and cafe 8/10 iyswim)

hatsoff · 05/02/2005 22:44

I see soapbox has already made similar suggestion. I think as long as the treat/diversion isn't as good as the withdrawn thing, then it's ok

vess · 07/02/2005 06:54

So easy to have an opinion on other people's parenting...but when I get angry, I get angry and it's so hard to think straight!
Flashingnose, I, as everyone else says, you probably have to be firm and not let him go, even though I might give in in your place...
Can you swap it for an alternative punishment, make him do some chores and help you with things, and if he's very good at doing that...
About that programme he was watching - I know you warned him he'd miss the end, but if you are waching something interesting, you wouldn't like it if someone swithched it off! Maybe get him to switch it off himself next time, since he has promised. Much less humiliating, even if you have to ask him several times before he actually does it.
Oh, and the other thing - punishment on the next day is not the same thing as punishment right now, and in many cases won't have the desired effect!
I feel a bit uneasy giving advice - like I'm a perfect mother or something! - but there you are.

marthamoo · 07/02/2005 07:48

It's my one and only unwavering rule of parenting - if I say it I mean it and I follow through. I wouldn't have let him go either. Both mine have the big brown eyes too...

I don't threaten things I can't/won't do though. Dh does and it drives me nuts "if you don't eat your dinner right now you're going in the garden in the rain"...yeah, right

throckenholt · 07/02/2005 08:01

comment on what vess said - maybe next time say we can video the end and you can watch it tomorrow - bath time in 5 mins (or whatever). And agree with everyone else - have to carry out a threat otherwise it is just empty words.

hatsoff · 07/02/2005 11:44

oooo marthamoo... touched a nerve with me there! dh comes out with RIDICULOUS things that aren't even threats: "If you can't behave we won't bring you out to cafes/farms/random nice days out anymore" WTF??? And what does "If you can't behave" mean? Havig said that he does threaten the garden sometimes (not in the rain, but in the dark) and he does carry it through! Lasts about 30 seconds but generally does bring about thw desired result!

beachyhead · 07/02/2005 11:51

So did he go or not!!!!!!!

I would have stood firm, but then not banged on about it.....

My dh would have stood firm, then gone on and on about it until a mega frenzy evolved.....which he would have then let me deal with!!!!!!!

We had a mega frenzy last night involving an apple!!!

sandyballs · 07/02/2005 11:54

My DH is the same - DDs were playing up whilst we trying to load the car up to go away for the weekend and DH yelled "Behave or you will be left behind on your own". Errr, how can we possibly do that dear?

Original poster
flashingnose · 07/02/2005 12:27

He didn't go . When he realised that I wasn't going to give in, he went completely mad but I was very firm (you would have been proud of me ).

The upshot is, I think we've both learnt something from it:

ds - pick your battles wisely e.g. not worth losing something you really enjoy over something trivial. He's also been saying "calm down" to himself over the weekend which is real progress.

me - pick your threats wisely and try and avoid the situation where possible. With hindsight, I should have done what someone suggested and video the end.

Ho hum.

P.S. hatsoff - yours was the thread I was trying to find! Thought it was Brownies rather than ballet so that explains why I couldn't find it.

OP posts:
franch · 07/02/2005 12:38

I'm learning a lot from this thread! Well done flashingnose - what a difficult situation but I think you did absolutely the right thing in the end, and are seeing the benefits.

vess - I think you're right about 'punishment right now' - not always easy to think of an appropriate one (especially at bedtime), but the most effective where possible I'd have thought.

RTKangaMummy · 07/02/2005 12:41

I am glad that you were firm with him

very proud of you

Hopefully he will not try it again before thinking

mears · 07/02/2005 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mears · 07/02/2005 12:49

I have just learned read a thread completely to the end before adding you tuppence worth

Glad it all worked out in the end.

Mum2girls · 07/02/2005 12:49

Blimey - I really thought there would be a 50/50 split of opinion on this. I am obviously a pushover and need to toughen up. I just know I would've caved in (probably because my own upbringing was soooo strict - always believe in blaming my own failings on my parents!!).

Swipe left for the next trending thread