Leaving newborn to cry

[Orissiah]

My baby is 4 weeks old. When she is having a particularly difficult time passing wind/gas, she starts crying and even holding her and cradling her in my arms (after trying to wind her, check her nappy etc) doesn't often help so I leave her back in her basket or swing cradle and she keeps crying but eventually settles after 10 minutes or so. She may awake up again and cry and again hokding and cradling her may not work so back she goes into her basket/cradle. It's distressing hearing her cry for 5-10 minutes before she settles back but is it okay to leave her crying for that amount of time? My parents said they left me to cry when holding / walking around didn't work and I eventually settled.

I know leaving to cry is a no no thing these days but really, in reality, have any of you left their baby to cry and self-settle when all else failed?

O

You could stroke or pat her while she settles herself? This would help her feel reassured and help you feel like you are not leaving her alone.
I found there were times when ds was wee that he wouldn't settle whatever I did and he was occassional left in his cot or basket to cry while I sat with or near him.

I wouldn't leave them to cry either. I'd rather be holding a crying baby.

I have left ds to cry, but not at 4 weeks. I know how hard it is and I don't want you to take this like I'm being judgemental or telling you what to do but your baby is in pain.
S/he doesn't yet understand that she is seperate from you.
Lay her on your lap and move hwer legs in a cycling motion and push them up to her belly and stretch back out again, it helps relieve belly ache, rub her belly in a clockwise direction, it helps digestion and hold her againgst you upright keeping light pressure on her belly.
My son was awful for months, I spent most of the time wanting to throw him down the stairs, but it gets better. I promise.

When you say "cry" do you mean a full-on wailing, or just sort of little grumbling whimpering noises? I wouldn't leave a 4 week old really bawling, but a quieter slightly unsettled noise would be okay in my book.

I think it's okay. Sometimes I think some babies just want to be still and get fed up of being handled. If carrying doesn't work and she settles quickly when put down then that's what she wants. You will get to know your baby's cries. If she was genuinely distressed then you would be able to tell and in that case there's nothing for it but to carry around and try to comfort.
Are you swaddling her? Mine settled well at this age if tightly swaddled. They didn't like to be held or cradled if their limbs were free. They also stayed settled once put into the moses basket after they'd relaxed from cradling.

Message withdrawn

I didn't do swaddling as ds doesn't like his arms covered. Just saying in case your baby is one that doesn't like it.
Try everything though, everything you're told on here, nothing to lose. Goodluck

No, personally I never left DS to cry and self-settle at that age. I would always hold him and walk around with him so that even if he was in distress he knew I was there with him.

i had a fisher price take-along swing when ds3 was newborn. he settled v quickly whenever put in it. might be worth a try

i second the swing idea, but i'd try a sling first, as, as previous posters have said, your daughter may well want to be close to you.
the patting is a good idea, too
it will pass!

carry her around - bf on demand

I never left my LO to cry for a good 3 months, by which time I was at my wits end with exhaustion. He wouldn't nap and nights were pretty miserable.

I used cuddling, pram, swing, bl**dy out of tune radio, vacuum, etc.

I'm sure I'll struggle with number 2 (due any day) but for me, I'd like to try leaving this one to cry a bit longer to see if it helps.

When I eventually plucked up the courage at 3 months, we had a week of hell and then angel baby ever since wrt sleeping and naps (he is now 3yrs.)

Listen to all the advice but do what feels right for you.

honestly girls, get the swing. it utterly transformed the first few months for me. it seems to feel enough like being held 24/7 for them to be utterly content without you needing to actually hold them all the time.
which is great if you have toddlers to look after.
i used to bf, then put him in swing. hed murmer for a moment or two then go quiet, and eventually fall asleep. and stay there for 4 hours till next feed was demanded. absolutely amazing. had to farce myself not to use it all night too

It's really only for five minutes? And she goes to sleep? And if you hold he she is worse? Then yes, I'd say leave her. My ds always cried himself for sleep for a few minutes. I came to think of it as his way of saying 'oh, I'm so bone-aching tired. I'm just so exhausted. I'm so so so so so tired...." and then he'd nod off.

bf or ff?

don't leave to cry at 4 weeks.

you just nor found what preferences are.

try as mentionned above, swaddling, rocking seats.

my dd preferred to be swaddled and left alone. as soon as she was nice and snug and i was out of her line of vision she was fine, my ds was exact opposite, he needed constant movement to be settled. you get a cradle that swings my motor if thats the case.

but maybe you should find out if you can cut down on wind? thats why i asked if bf or ff

better to put her down and walk away than get really angry with her - there are times when too much crying takes its toll

apart from that, as a regular thing, no I wouldn't recommend leaving a baby to cry alone. slings are good for unsettled babies. what was her birth like? might cranial osteopathy help? it's especially good for babies who've had ventouse deliveries etc

I agree with MsDemeanour and NickyTwoTimes. Not all babies want to be held when overtired - DS certainly didn't. So putting him in his moses basket and patting him everything so often worked better for us.

Oh yes TC, forgot to say, patting is nice.

all you can do when wrapped up in swaddling.

i always seemed to rub in circles also.

the swing i am evangelical about is good for wind in that the baby is sort or upright so the wee burps can come out, whereas a motor-rocking cradle wouldnt help that as the baby would still be laying flat.

TRY THE SWING

honestly guv, id be amazed if it didnt rock your world.

Hi all, Yes she settles generally very well in the rocking cradle/swing - after a few minutes of crying. It does seem often that holding her unsettles her and she simply wants to be left alone as she's over-tired. I didn't mean full on crying - I would never leave her crying like that - I meant listless crying/whimpering for just 5 minutes or so. Once she self settles after that time she sleeps like a log for 4 hours - we always have to rouse her to feed. O

Oh yes, swaddling her is too hot for her in this heat. Patting her often makes her trash around even more. She seems to settle better when left alone (though I rarely leave the room while she's settling so she is aware of me).

Both my DS's have not been cuddly babies.
If they get tired and I cuddle them/rock them they just cry and cry and cry for ages.
Put them down in moses basket or cot and they would be asleep within 5 mins.

5 mins of crying in bed is better than half hour of crying in your arms surely???

DS1 is now nearly 3 and is now as cuddly as anything bless him. DS2 is 4 months and still hates cuddles lol

have you tried cranial osteopathy

i know of so many babies who have settled down, slept better and seemed happier after a session or too!