Worried about school looming, 3 year old behind

[boringperson123]

Hi everyone,

My daughter is a June baby and I’m getting increasingly worried about her going to school next year. She is a very high energy child and has always been challenging even since she was a baby (but she also has some brilliant qualities and is a lovely hilarious little girl)

My main number one concern is potty training. We have been potty training since she was just turned two. We’ve tried every method, but she is still having multiple accidents a day (6 today since getting back from pre school!!) these are only wee accidents as she hasn’t had a poo accident in a year, she took to that immediately! She doesn’t seem to have any embarrassment over it although recently she has started lying and saying she just got wet while playing etc. We took a break earlier this year for a couple of months as everyone advised me to, and when we tried again she had no accidents for a full week, then just went back to the way she was before when she got bored of the sticker chart etc. Which leads me to believe it’s probably not a medical issue although I’m not ruling it out especially given how frequent the accidents can be sometimes.

She also isn’t brilliant at listening, often zones out and ignores people, runs off mid sentence, starts singing or doing her own thing. Maybe this is normal, I have no idea.

Her speech is pretty good and she talks a lot, but she doesn’t understand certain questions sometimes and just repeats what you say, a common one is ‘why did you do that’ she will just repeat the phrase.

She can count to 10 (and makes up nonsense ‘teen’ numbers after 10), knows all her shapes, colours and can draw a face but gripping a pencil properly is hit or miss. She also can’t do her ABCs she just sings the tune but it’s mostly nonsense lol.

She’s really good at playing with other children and very kind, loves making friends and has a brilliant imagination.

In general her behaviour is 0-100, she can be very lovely and does as she told but she just gets very easily bored, will suddenly try and run off, often does naughty things on purpose and giggles and finds it funny, she does not respond at all to punishment. She says ‘I’m very sorry!’ easily but there is no part of her that means it or regrets it at all. She doesn’t seem to link the action to the consequence. For example if you have an accident we will need to leave the park to clean you up, if you throw your food it will be taken off you, etc. She just has an absolute crying meltdown then does it again! I think that’s why we struggle so much with potty training and what makes me believe she’s developmentally a bit delayed but I’m not sure and I really don’t know what to do, I feel like I’m just failing whilst also struggling sooo much 😫

You started potty train too young. Mine were two and a half and were ready - dry day and night by two weeks. However, my end of July baby was well ready for school. June is not uncommon birth month - there were a number of August babies too. I’d persevere with the training - you have plenty of time yet. Don’t stress - she will pick up on that!

Sounds just like my August born baby who does everything in her own time. Perfectly capable and knew how to use the potty, just refused til it was all on her terms 🤣 she’s now 6 and is still the same, perfectly capable of reading and her school work, but all in her own time. Have noticed she’s young in the year but it’s all leveling out. Totally normal, don’t stress x

As a complete aside to your main concern, don't bother teaching her the alphabet (letter names) Phonics (letter sounds) are much more useful for learning to read. So A = 'ah' B =' buh'. The letter B doesn't make the sound 'bee' so it's not helpful to learn that.
Many years,ago we had a phonics bus toy where you pressed the letters and it said the sound. My daughter basically taught herself phonics with it at an early age.

I know you said she poos on the potty, but does she get at all constipated? That can have a knock on effect on bladder control as the over full bowel can press on the bladder. It might partly explain the fact she sometimes has dry days (nice empty bowels on those occasions).

I have a three year old too, so I really get why this feels big, especially when other children in the group seem further along. A June birthday makes a real difference at this age. A few months can be a huge gap in speech, toileting and confidence, and it does not mean she will stay behind.

If it helps, I would try to separate the worries a bit. For speech, keep talking about what you are doing together, read the same short books again and again, and give her time to answer instead of jumping in. For counting, little bits in everyday play, like counting steps, plates or toys, tend to stick better than sitting down for a lesson. For toileting, low pressure usually works better than a big push, especially if she is already using the potty for poos.

You still have a long run before September 2028, and nursery should be able to tell you what they are actually working on with her, not just that she seems behind. Ask them for two or three small next steps, and what progress they would expect by spring. That made the whole thing feel less vague for me. She sounds bright and keen, and that curiosity will carry a long way.