So what do you do when your 3 year old says the word "fucker"

[ConnorTraceptive]

I'm thinking totally ignore, which is easy to do at home but if he says it in public i'm going to die.

Not sure where he's got it from, I'm pretty sure we've never said it around him.

Every month or so we ask ds1 and ds2 (6&4) what naughty words they know. I usually ask when we're driving somewhere so it's a contained environment. The list so far is Oh my God, Shut up, Stupid, Bugger and Bloody hell (I'm quite relieved! ).

They know they can't use them so we usually then spend the (short) car journey letting them get it out of their systems - lots of pretend shock from me and dp - and so far it's meant they don't use them anywhere else.

Interestingly we used to live opposite someone who used the word fuck/fucking all the time - shouting/screaming at her children. Lovely. They must have heard it a million times but haven't picked up on it at all and we've now moved house (partly because of delightful neighbour...). Not sure if this is because she was so scary they just shut off anything she said/did, which is sad in a way, but quite a relief.

Frankie, I do all sorts of things that DS isn't allowed to. It's cause I am a GROWN UP and make my own rules, he is a kid and I am the parent and he has to do as I say. Is this a benign dictatorship? Certainly, but dictatorship it is.

I don't want to get into a huge argument about this, I think we will just have to agree to disagree. My son is being raised the way I was and the way my DH was, we are both pretty happy with the way we turned out so see no reason to change that.

My mother's answer was often because I am an adult and you are not, did it piss me off when I was a kid? Yup! am I in anyway scarred by it? Nup!

Fair enough Morloth

I too am raising dd the same way I was, and like you we are all happy with our arrangement.

My parents motto was lead by example

We do lead by example but don't sweat the small stuff.

Different strokes etc. I figure with kids as long as you avoid either extreme (i.e. neglect vs. smothering) they will turn out just fine.

Couldn't agree more regarding the neglect vs smothering.
I suppose one parents 'small stuff' is another's bugbear, and vice versa

Totally ignor, been there with both my two, DS1 said bloody hell (picked up for FIL) for two weeks then got boared and DS2 said Fuck for a week and a half, he said it more to my mum as she told him not to say bad words so he had fun getting a reaction.

But "lead by example" is just not the reality is it. You do all kinds of things your kids can't do; they must know that. I hope so anyway!

I suppose one issue here is whether you think swearing is in itself bad. I don't, I think it's blardy fantastic, I love it, it is a great release valve, it can be very funny, it has an important role in life IMO (I don't mean I F & blind non-stop and I don't like people who do, but if I could never swear at all it would be a sad day). And in all honesty I expect DS to grow up to use swearing as most people do, for release, humour, etc.

If you think all swearing is wrong and no one should do it at all, then I guess you are just being consistent frankie.

Of course we do all manner of things that dd cannot, and this can be easily explained to her- she can't drive as she does not have a licence, or change a plug as electricity is dangerous.

As I said before, I would be interested to hear a reasonable explanation as to why you can swear but your children should not.

Also, I do not think all swearing is wrong, just feel that swearing by children or in front of them is inappropriate.

Because it's not appropriate Frankie. Children aren't expected to swear and it shocks people; among adults, it is sometimes OK (obviously not in all situations).

Not everything has a reason. Why can't you go to the shops wearing just a bra? Why can't you stick two fingers up at your child's teacher? There's no "explanation" for those things either, they're just cultural taboos, and thusly with kids swearing. The explanation is simply that it will upset people, but there is no why.

say it's not nice and ask them to think of something nice to say and DON'T say it yourself! My dd said 'fucking cunt' she looks like an angel I couldn't believe it!! It was a road rage incident where she must have heard it!

Also I kind of think: "Because I said so" is a perfectly reasonable explanation for many 'cultural' things.

Of course if I say "Don't stick your tongue in the light socket" I give an explanation as to why THAT is a bad idea.

But for stuff that just isn't on but won't actually hurt him then "because I say so" is the reason.

When DS went through a swearing stage, which including shouting a massive "F*K" in Hyde Park when 2 old ladies were strolling past him causing me to back away and pretend he wasn't mine..., I tried the ignoring and then the word substitution and it didn't work. especially the word substitution.."oh darling, where's the duck?" "no mummy, I said f*k".
What DID work was telling him 'you do NOT use that word' and really just telling him off.
He also knows now that if he hears DH or I swear, he is allowed to tell us off, which he loves, until we apologise.

As intelligent as your opinions are, I shall not be swayed on my pov.

IMO, if you don't want your children to swear, do not swear in front of them.

We will have to agree to disagree.

You're right frankie. It's us parents who should make the effort not to swear OR find our own word substitutions and make an effort to unlearn the swearwords we've become used to during our childless years. fffffffffiddlesticks.
But unfortunately they can slip out sometimes and children, those clever little things, are very quick to pick up on them

I fear I handled it really badly the first time DD swore.
She was busy playing with Duplo and I picked her up to take her to the bath.

'Come on darling , it's bathtime'
'Fuck off' (yelled)

I wet myself laughing, I have no idea where she got it from but it was priceless that it was so in context. We then had a day or two where she'd walk around the house yelling it, then she either got bored or forgot it as she hasn't said it since.

my dd (2) calls macka packa 'fucker fucker'. very hard not to laugh.

WHAT?!?!? You can't go to the shops just wearing a bra? Fucking titty wank. I wondered what I was doing wrong.

I suppose my use of the word "can't" was a bit authoritarian. Of course you can, dear. Carry on!

Great swearing btw.

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What Pruners you have actually managed not to swear in front of him... ever? I just can't stop myself sometimes (and DP certainly can't)

I think I have managed never to swear in front of dd, and as a result swear much less even when she is not there.

I dislike that whole 'do as I say, not as I do' attitude, and try to avoid it in all areas of parenting, not just the swearing issue.

Agree, Pruners, you can't hide it from them, but setting a good example helps them to establish what is acceptable or not.

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Rofl at 'shit under the christmas tree', Pruners.

Although obviously I would have preferred 'defecate'.

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