Am I doing something wrong? (Teenagers)

[sincerestwonders]

My 17 year old daughter keeps saying shes ugly, fat and needs to lose weight. She hasnt let me have a picture of her since age 12. She has been eating three quarters of all meals I make for her now i have noticed her eating less. I have been home educating her, the other night we had this massive row about what the right thing to do with her is. Home educated since 12 due to witnessing physical abuse in an education setting. Shes 5ft 4, 75kg and gcup. I have rowed with her quite a bit about finishing this 500 pound virtual art course since I dont want her in college until she is 18 due to her lack of GCSE maths and english which she is studying now. She says she doesnt want to study art any more. She is about 65% through this course. After Xmas I was going to start her with driving lessons. I`m not quite sure these days as to how you pass your theory test. The other thing she says to me is how isolated she is/how much she hates where we live. We live in a market town where unfortunately the council dont provide many clubs or groups for young people and its hard to find one that isnt sports based. What do you do if your teenager is really unhappy?

On another thread your daughter was 8 when you took her out of school and it was very much more about your views of what happened there than anything she experienced. No idea what the issue with secondary would have been.

You also seem to have a problem with 'posh arse' schools (your words) but don't seem able to have even got her proper dentistry, to the point she is now unconfident because of crooked teeth.

I'm sorry @sincerestwonders but if you are going to post multiple threads about the same thing, sometimes with a slightly different slant, people are going to pick up on it.

There is excellent advice on several threads about local to you educational settings outside the home that might suit her, enable her to catch up (which she needs to do) and have social interaction. Really suggest that you look into them with her.

It's you again!

https://www.gov.uk/apply-first-provisional-driving-licence

https://www.gov.uk/book-theory-test

There are apps that help with preparation for theory test.

Not really the issue so try talking to the college for courses, GP for suppor for her and local dentist to access orthodontist. Try local youth groups as well.

@sincerestwonders This is my answer on your last thread. I wouldn't change any of my advice

No, I don't know of any state school that would do this (alleged incident at school).
If this happened, the police would be called as it's child abuse.
But let's say this did happen, yes I would remove them from this school.
I would look at all the other local school options. I would visit with my DC and talk to the head teacher to check their safeguarding protocols

You seem to take no responsibility for taking her out of school, not looking at any other options, at any point e.g. at 8 or 9 or 10 or when going to secondary school. Why didn't you do this?
I don't know how she can get 8/9 in languages and computing but such poor results in English/ maths. She's obviously intellectually capable at harder subjects - that's on you and probably your lack of subject and teaching expertise.
And why, oh why would you repeat this fucked up situation with a younger sibling?!

You need to contact local schools / colleges for both your DC ASAP

This sounds very familiar to
me too. Wasn't her depression ruining your life last, OP, and now you are posting about her weight.

I am sure there are many, many home education situations that work out the exact opposite of this situation but this is my fear when a parent suggests their child isn't coping with school and takes them out. Might it be possible to wind this back and find a school who will take her to do GCSEs? You might find a willing sixth form.

Without English, maths or the opportunity to socialise with her peers, she will have limited options going forward. The solution to many of the problems you describe in your multiple posts are to attend some form of school.

Lots of home ed families manage to replace the opportunities of school with other experiences but your DD has not had this. Art is great if you like it, but she doesn't and it seems much less pressing to me than maths and English.

To answer your question. Yes you are doing something wrong. Your daughter needs the basic qualifications (maths and English gcse) as a priority. Then she can go from there. Be the parent!

OP, I got the impression from your previous post that she didn't complete her Gold DofE expedition though. I do clearly recall your opinion of DofE from your post. My exper If DofE is that it is usually done in groups from school or scouts, so with peers you already know. It would have been really difficult for your DD to do Gold knowing nobody. Did she do Bronze and Silver first?

You are not just doing something wrong, you are doing lots of things wrong.

You’ve been given good advice on your previous (multiple) threads and have ignored it all. You seem to have 3 children who are not in education? You have failed to provide them with an alternative education (to school). They have no progression route because you seem to have blocked/dismissed entry to college at 16.

If you’ve paid £500 for an art course (why? If your DD didn’t want to do it) you can pay privately for your DD and other DC to study Functional Skills English and Maths online. Now. Not after Christmas, start it now and enrol your DD and DS into college for September. If they can pass L2 they have their GCSE grade 4 equivalent and therefore more hope of having a productive life post 16/18.

You have isolated your children because of a perceived failing in the state education system based on ONE school and because you want them at home. Grow up! Parent your children, get them re-engaged with education, outside of your home, so that they have the chance of leading functional, useful and productive lives.

Are you still angry about the 'posh kids' in her DofE group?