Am I doing something wrong? (Teenagers)

[sincerestwonders]

My 17 year old daughter keeps saying shes ugly, fat and needs to lose weight. She hasnt let me have a picture of her since age 12. She has been eating three quarters of all meals I make for her now i have noticed her eating less. I have been home educating her, the other night we had this massive row about what the right thing to do with her is. Home educated since 12 due to witnessing physical abuse in an education setting. Shes 5ft 4, 75kg and gcup. I have rowed with her quite a bit about finishing this 500 pound virtual art course since I dont want her in college until she is 18 due to her lack of GCSE maths and english which she is studying now. She says she doesnt want to study art any more. She is about 65% through this course. After Xmas I was going to start her with driving lessons. I`m not quite sure these days as to how you pass your theory test. The other thing she says to me is how isolated she is/how much she hates where we live. We live in a market town where unfortunately the council dont provide many clubs or groups for young people and its hard to find one that isnt sports based. What do you do if your teenager is really unhappy?

I think you’ve posted before - you were ignoring all the advice about getting your daughter some education and hyperfixating on the Gold Duke of Edinburgh award?

she has just done the gold dofe expedition what a hell hole it was

Why can’t she go to college? Has she got a part time job? Both very normal ways for young people to mix with others. Also volunteering. I think you need to let her decide what she wants to do with her life now OP.

Does she want to go to school? Is it your choice to keep her at home? Because that would solve her lack of social interaction and her lack of education.
She is overweight and she's doing something about it. I would help her to do it sensibly rather than making it harder. Let her make some meals, learn about nutrition and cooking and healthy eating.
Encourage her to do sport, join a gym, go walking.

I do not understand why it's your chocie that she not go to college till 18?

Unless there is EHCP in place when I think funding goes up to 25 - that would only leave a year of funding for college till 19.

She'll need GCSE maths and English these days to open doors even to many min wage jobs. I'd be talking the the local college ASAP see what they can offer.

She seems very socially isolated - with few exams behind her really not surprised she depressed and unhappy. Are there ary youth groups - council used to run one lcoal another is run by church - any girl guide rangers groups locally? She may struggle because she very out of step with normal teen life and routines by sound of it.

I'd aslo see GP - get some actual input with weight and health.

@sincerestwonders why are you isolating your DD? Is there something that you are scared of? Its like you're hiding her from the world. She needs a social life and friends. Isolating her like you are isn't normal it can really damage her mentality and socially.

She doesn't need GCSE for college She can do them at college. It seems she didn't pass them whilst being home educated. Maybe she needs college to help her pass.

Your post comes across like your very controlling. I'm not saying you absolutely are but that's how it reads. It can (sometimes) be a form of abuse. If there's something going on for you then you should try and get help for you.

DD2 peers have taken in Y12 or some are in Y13 taking GCSE English and Maths - and often other level 1 or two courses alongside all at college.

There's usually 3 years of FE funding between 16-19- after that you pay so longer you wait less free time she'd have there. College is very different to school environment.

Talk to them now they are likely running GCSE maths and English classes now and after Christmas just depends if there are places. Our local authroity runs adult courses for GCSE maths post 18 but you do have to pay unless on certain benefits and not sure all areas do that.

Why on earth didn’t she have the chance to go to college last year when she could have studied for her GCSEs alongside her peers? Or you could have done GCSEs as a private candidate at age 16.
If she has been home ed since 12 have you not got some other home ed friends either teenagers?

It sounds like she needs to go to college and you need to cut the apron strings.

She says she doesn't want to study art any more? Does she want to study something else? You say she is trying to pass maths and English, does she have any gcse's? It sounds like you've failed miserably at home education because she is not ready to enter the world of work, you are holding her back from college and she won't be in a position anytime soon to go off to Uni.

Her controlled eating might just be about weight loss but actually it could be more about mental health and control, maybe the only thing she can control?

Ask her what she wants? What does she want her life to look like?

Why have you started another thread after abandoning the last one? Clearly no one is going to give you the answers you want because they aren't factual.

I feel very sorry for your daughter op. Please listen to advice.

You don’t want advice, you ignore everything everyone tells you on all your other threads about this.

Another thread? You need to accept that the path you have taken her down by “home educating” has meant poor choices academically, inhibited her socially and created potentially serious mh problems. Insisting she cannot go into an educational until 18 is odd, limits her opportunities and seems more about absolving yourself of accountability. If you won’t seek rl advice and support I’m not sure what you gain from these posts. It is not about a virtual art course, d of e or even her small portions, those are mere distractions. It is easy enough to find out about driving theory and she would have researched it herself were she were self motivated and not conditioned to do as you say and live within your restrictive boundaries. Maybe the eating and refusing the art course is her way of pushing back a little.

You again? With the same ‘questions’. You’ve isolated your daughter, you weren’t capable of getting her GCSE maths and English through home education. Your last post mentioned ‘trying’ to get her functional skills maths. You don’t know how to go about accessing a driving theory test. You say she makes you depressed. OP please get some proper help and support. You and your DD need it. Lots of people have given you good advice please take some of it on board. Your constant posting is worrying.

If you don’t know how to get a theory test sorted, then you have no business ‘home educating’ anyone. Take advice. You say you had to remove your child at 12 due to a traumatic incident, well she’s 17 now and what has been done to proactively support her in moving past that? Seems like the removal from education has become a sort of full stop in her life, and not a strong enough alternative has been provided to make up for the socialisation and education she would have received if she’d stayed.

Oh fuck me it’s this poster. You should be utterly ashamed of your parenting. If you’re real.

Totally agree. If you are delivering the education OP, are you really up to that? I have a good degree in modern languages but no way could I teach maths GCSE!

Just a quick google would tell you the process of driving theory tests (she’ll need her provisional licence as well).

She’s isolated and miserable and I’m not surprised. She should be out living her life, developing herself and her interests and life skills and gaining in confidence.

You may be wanting to protect her after the physical bullying, but at this age, she’d be far more likely to find her people. You can’t hide her away forever.

Poor girl must be desperately lonely . She needs to go to college to get English and Maths but more importantly to be with kids her own age and make some friends . She will lose weight if she becomes more active , has a social life and isn't restricted to home 24/7 .

Why are you preventing her from going to collage? She can make friends there like every other teenage girl:

Poor kid.

You’ve taken her out of education, isolated her and now you’re wondering why she’s depressed?

She should be in college, learning to drive, seeing her friends, working part time and enjoying her life 🤷‍♀️

You sound v v controlling and manipulative tbh and you’ve really held your dd back.

I remember this poster. You’ve let down your child in so many ways. I hope you’ve got a dental referral for orthodontist treatment by now.
support her to go to college.

OP, on another post you say this:
My daughter has not been to school since age 8.
yet on this one you say:
home educated since 12
Which is it?
Is this even real?

You sound controlling.

There's a lot to unpack here

Objectively, she is correct to say she overweight.. why are you objecting to her cutting down on her meals as it sounds like she probably has been eating too much? You refer to the meals you have been giving her - does she have any say in what she has to eat? Does she make her own breakfast and lunch? Has she had the opportunity to study nutrition and cooking?

She is lonely. Does she want to go to school/college? Did she agree with the decision to remove her?

@sincerestwonders Have you followed any of the advice from your other thread. I feel desperately sorry for your DC

You have failed your DD in education and in life skills e.g. making friends and resilience etc.....

You have done huge harm which you are repeating with your DS.

Please let them go to school/ college. They will also need decent therapy