Too young for a day out?

[Alwaysinacrisis]

6 year old DC has been invited out for the day with a family we don't really know and we're not sure if it's a good idea. They have a child in the same class and we have said hello in passing but don't know them beyond that. DC is very shy and quite young for their age so there's also a concern that they will feel anxious the whole time.
Would you allow your 6 year old to go on a day out with a family you don't really know or are we being over protective?

Yes I would. You have no idea if they will feel anxious the whole time. And what if they do? They might enjoy the day.

If my child wanted to go yes, if they didn’t no. My 6 year old has been out with a few school friends families, he’s got a better social life than me

No. You don’t know them well enough to allow them to look after your child.
I have a shy 6yr old too and there’s no way she’d want to do this with people she didn’t know well. DD would probably be unwilling to do this even with a person she knows really well.

We do take out one of our DD’s friends but she’s known us for a couple of years and we know her parents well.

I don't think I would have liked this tbh, it was more usual to do a 2 hour play date at that age. If we did days out with other dcs, it would have been both families going, which feels more appropriate (as the child's own parent can help with toileting, take child home separately if they feel overwhelmed etc). Plus it wouldn't really have suited us a family, we don't get much quality time in the week and wouldn't want to not see dd all day at the weekend. I often think these offers of days out are more about having someone to entertain their own child.

Can you be nearby or on call? If your 6yo wants to I'd say go for it! Mines only 3 and shy but sometimes there'll be something he wants to do and I think oh no he's going to be too timid for that, and he'll be fine!

She does want to go but i think idea of it and the reality might be quite different for her. Usually when she gets invited somewhere one of us has been invited along too so I was a bit surprised when they said they would pick her up from our house. We could potentially give her a lift there and be in the area but there's not much to do other than hang around. DH is very keen to go with her.
Tbh toileting is a worry too because she's funny about public loos and won't go on her own

Yes I would feel weird about it. I’d just say ‘oh thanks! She’d love that, but is a bit shy/anxious, so I’ll come too’. No big deal! If they say no (who would?!) then I’d say something like ‘no worries! Have a lovely time! We’ll try again in a year or so maybe. See you on Monday!’ Or whatever.

(assuming it’s an actual day out eg trip to London/hour’s drive away/theme park/potential for getting lost or in a crash or something.)

I don't think you're being over-protective at all OP. If you don't know the parents at all, your DC needs to be reasonably independent and at an age they no longer need "looking after" as such but just supervision. Which I would say would be around 8+ for most kids and is the standard age for things like going swimming in a public pool unaccompanied etc. So, yes, I think 6 is a bit young, especially if they're shy.

If she wanted to go I would let her go. She is 6. Not a todler.

At 6, other parents do not want to have to make small talk with you on a play date. The whole point is so the kids can have fun together and the adults do not have to entertain anyone. Please do not be awkward and force yourself onto their nice day out. If they wanted to socialise with you, they would have invited you.

My only concern would be about the safety of their car and driving. And I wouldn’t be keen for a 6 year old to go swimming or to the beach without an adequate number of adults. But if it’s a day out to a children’s farm. Let her go! Most 6 year olds have already had many play dates with friends at this age without their parents. She will be too busy having fun to think about where you are. If there are any issues, they’ll just come back home. No big deal.

I often think these offers of days out are more about having someone to entertain their own child.

Well yeah, isn’t that the point? “More about” that than what? Why are you saying that as thought it’s some ulterior motive? Why else would another family take your child out?

Sounds lovely. And perhaps a chance to get her to come out of herself a bit more and be a bit more independent.

I wouldn’t if I didn’t really know them. I’d only have my children go out for the day with families I knew really well.

Thanks for the replies, some mixed responses. I think I would feel better if she was more confident and independent but she's quite young for her age tbh. My older child only started getting invited to these kinds of trips quite recently and he's 9, so it seems a bit early to me. It also feels a bit awkward if one of us stays though. Annoyingly the kids had already been discussing it before her parents approached me so it's hard to say no! If she does go I'm 100% going to offer to drop her there and pick her up myself, I'm not even sure if they have a car seat for her.

I would let her go. Letting her go with friends, and use the toilet without help are both things that she can manage by age 6, and allowing her to find that out is a great way to build her confidence. If you want, you can quietly tell the friend's mum that you will be available to pick her up if necessary, but I wouldn't tell your daughter - just let her get on with it, presumably she manages to go to school without you.

I wouldn't at age 6.
They don't know you or your family well and at 6 I only let my children go off for the day with our family or close family friends.
Ds went out with school friend neighbour at 9 and was just fine, the boys knew each other well, I knew the Mum, but not well. But we had many close friends in common.

Mum of a 6 year old here. There's no way I'd let her go, sorry. She has a whole lifetime of joining people on their trips, wait a few more years til she is more confident and independent. The fact you have to ask shows you're not comfortable with it so trust your instincts and save yourself a day of anxiety when she's out with them.

You don't know this family, you don't know their definition of what's safe or how they parent their kids (and therefore how they will look after your kid).

it's a kind gesture of the family so decline politely so that they don't feel awkward.

It’s not the age that would bother me as much as not knowing them well. I would need to get a good sense of them first. Are they sensible, do they seem like they would be safe, responsible drivers, are they approachable etc.

Will people stop labelling your children shy 😟

Where is it to? And how long for?

Id say
"thank you so much for the invite, X would love to come but probably isnt quite ready to go with you on her own just yet.
I'd be happy to bring her and meet you there if you think that could work?"

Those saying yes, would you if you didn’t know the parents?

Because that would be my concern. It isn’t that I wouldn’t want my children away from me, but I do think it’s a bit irresponsible of you don’t know the parents well.