Help - toilet training, should I quit after tough 1st day?

[SKLM]

Hey everyone. Looking for some toilet training advice.

I am worried I have started trying to toilet train my boy who has just turned 2 too soon.

Background - We have had a potty around the house for months but he has still been in nappies. He was sitting on it out of curiosity from time to time and we talked about what it is for. Have talked a lot about wees and poos, he comes into the toilet when either me or my husband are using it and he knows mummy/daddy is having a wee/poo. He goes away discreetly to poo in his nappy. He enjoys washing his hands after nappy changes. He hasn't ever told us he needs a wee or poo or asked us to change his nappy.

So, some good signs I thought. I have a 5 day stretch to start trying to train, and his nursery are also on board. We have read a book about using the potty together and today went nappy free using those pants that hold a bit of urine (not pull ups).

Initially he seemed fine with it, put on the pants, and in the morning when coaxed would sit on his potty and he would help me pull down his pants etc. But he has become quite stressed as the day has gone on.

No success weeing/pooing in the potty. He is only weeing/pooing in the pants and doesn't seem bothered at all that they are wet or able to acknowledge they need changing. We have gone through 8 pairs today. We put a nappy back on for his nap this afternoon, removed it after and put pants back on. We have put a nappy back on now for bed. I was just following guidelines I read on this one.

He is refusing to sit on the potty since about 3pm and has been tearful when we gently coax him and has been saying no potty a lot and pushing it away. We have tried lifting him on a couple of times but he isn't interested. He has been pretty agitated all afternoon, I've noticed he seems pretty fed up and I am guessing it's the change as everything else is normal for him.

Have been suggesting potty every 1-2 hours.

If you have successfully potty trained, does this sound like a typical first day or have we started far too early?

I don't want to distress him at all but equally if this is par for the course I don't want to give up too soon.

Based on everything you’ve said I’d wait.

If he’s just turned 2 then you have almost 3 years before he starts school and although I’m not suggesting you wait too long you don’t have to do it now if it’s not working for you.

My oldest was ready at just before 2, fully aware could tell us when he needed a wee/poo for a few months before and had used the potty on a few occasions at Grandparents. When I took him out of nappies just after his second birthday he grasped it immediately, we didn’t stay in the house at all, just carried on as normal, zero accidents. His brother is 22 months and absolutely totally unaware except will tell us if he’s done/doing a poo - never a wee and to me that’s a sign he’s not ready and I won’t be rushing it with him. If there’s no obvious signs he’s ready I may try at Easter or in the summer when it’s warm enough not to be faffing with layers but I don’t think it has to be that stressful.

We started potty training our DD the day after her second birthday. The first 3/4 days were hard, but we had said we would do a week and reevaluate. By day 6 we said we have made too much progress, we are not going back to nappies, and it got easier from then on. Admittedly my DH was more stubborn than me and refused to give up after 3 days. It can take longer than you think but NHS guidance has recently changed to say that most children can be trained between 18 and 30 months and waiting for them being ready is not advised. If I were you, I would persevere for the 5 days you've got available, and then reassess.

I’m not sure I agree with the trousers thing - mine needed a little help with that as his pants would get terribly muddled with his trousers but was out of nappies at just turned 2.

Honestly OP, I’m in the camp of some kids will never be ready and so you just need to go for it. My eldest DS was almost 3 when we started potty training over the summer holidays and it was probably a full year before he was reliably dry each day and didn’t need to be constantly reminded to go to the toilet. DD was just over 2 and we did the same over the summer holidays - slightly easier than DS but still not fully reliable for a good year after starting. I can see why so many parents give up because there is a narrative peddled out that kids should get it within a couple of weeks and that has been far from my experience with both children.

Tomorrow, I would bring out the chocolate buttons and give him one every time he even sits on the potty. Make it a game. You could also just back off entirely from asking him to go on the potty and wait until he has a wee in his pants and say “oh dear, wee-wees go in the potty” and plonk him on the potty while you clean up.

Two seems young to me. Did all mine around ages 3 and took a few days, no resistance from them. Being dry at night took a few extra months for the first, almost immediate for the second and years for the third! All kids are different. I would hesitate to keep going where it becomes upsetting for him, he's only two. And it's much easier in summer as he can run around with no pants on for a few days.and won't get so cold if he has a few accidents out and about.

Wow! Am amazed by these replies. All three of mine trained at two and yes - the first day was a bit of a nightmare! In fact the first few days weren’t great. But you know what hey presto it works. Take the pants off altogether. Offer chocolate buttons for sitting on potty. We also found offering phone/ipad with tv helpful (never used this generally so was big treat). Sit on potty regularly. Reward success copiously. Don’t punish failure. In my personal opinion this whole “signs of readiness” stuff is how kids get to school not trained. I know with some kids it gets easier at three than two but (a) that’s another YEAR of nappies and (b) for quite a lot of kids it gets worse as they get more ideas in their cute little heads…..

We bribed with raisins, she will do anything for raisins! A couple for sitting on toilet/potty for count of 3, then a few raisins for any wee, and even more for a no2. After a couple of days, she would grab the pot of raisins from the kitchen and say wee wee and take them with her to the loo. After a few days we evolved into just a big clap and well done.

training! Have you ever learnt a new skill in one day? You are teaching him how recognise the need and how to react to that need, he won't have a clue for a few days but he will catch on.

Don't ask if he needs a wee - just take him with a cheery 'toilet time'

I am a firm believer in the chocolate button method, 1 to sit - 2 to go. They don't need bribery forever but it helps in the first few weeks

Hi everyone, thanks so much for all of your responses. I have been reading them with my husband we are really grateful for all the input.

Since I posted, my son approached the potty of his own accord and was happy to sit on it with minimal help, just a little support pulling down his trousers. He sat for a good five minutes and we read his potty training story book together. He was relaxed and calm and smiley. He didn't do anything in the potty, but it has encouraged me to maybe try for a few more days and re evaluate then. This was the longest he had sat on the potty all day and he seemed happy.

With a few modifications taking on board your advice- I am going to try some long stretches of bare butt time. Will also try chocolate buttons. Any increase in distress from him I think we'll stop for next week and re-evaluate after a couple of months.

It depends on the child. Mine were 3.5 and just turned 2 when fully potty trained.
My youngest is 3 in February and shows zero signs of being ready.
I'd try again in a few weeks op. In my experience if they dont 'get it' within a few days they're not ready.

Well, that’s not a saying just an observation and usually down to some lazy arsed parents who don’t believe they have to raise children so the poor kids get dragged up and then it’s everyone else’s fault but theirs! Also you missed the point of the original saying and my last line.

It's not a good saying though, because countless parents have trained successfully at 2.

Permission to give some advice. It's ok that he's not in love with the concept. It doesn't mean he's not ready. My Oldest took a week before he suddenly turned a corner and then was done. My middle, 3 days or so. My littlest cracked it in an hour or so. I think it's normal for there to be some resistance and tears but don't he disheartened. I'm not saying force the poor child but try not to project your own anxieties on the whole process. I swear I lost half a stone potty training my first because I was so stressed..but really your just reaching them to put their waste in a different container. Try to be breezy and embody "nbd attitude"

This is interesting as we were ‘late’ with DD2 due to various circumstances, she trained the day before she turned 3 and she was potty trained in a weekend, she had almost 0 accidents and she could hold her wee for ages. DD1 was trained shortly after turning 2 and we had way more accidents with her and she couldn’t hold for long so we had to take the travel potty with us places. We never even took it out of the house with DD2! Also pulling up and down trousers and pants was much easier with her being older. DD1 had accidents just because she couldn’t get her trousers etc down in time as she wasn’t that dexterous as a 2yo.

I was feeling bad for leaving it so long with DD2 but actually it was so easy that I’m sort of glad we did! It was definitely less of an ‘event’ I would say. Or maybe ordeal is the better word!

i would really suggest not being too quick to give up. I still remember with each of mine that moment a few days in where you think “aaargh fuck it I can’t do this any more” and order pull-ups from Amazon. Happily my mum was around and was able to say to me “keep going”. And of course, hey presto, it’s just after the moment you are ready to give up totally that the progress comes. The darkest hour is just before dawn! Of course I get that some kids just can’t do it. But I absolutely convinced myself that each of my two year olds was in this category and 48 hours after that they were hitting the potty pretty reliably, and a few weeks after that they never had an accident again. (Except obviously they kept using nappies at night until hormones kicked in - at about 6 or 7 for the boy - sigh!!)

Does he understand what you want him to do and why? We skipped the potty and got a step and smaller seat for the toilet. We explained and showed what to do. We created lots of things that people who don’t wear nappies could do.

Not really as your phrase means whatever you do they will not train until 3. Which for millenia hasn't been the case.

I'd wait another 6 months. Keep up practicing him the sitting on the potty etc so he knows what it is.

I gave my son stickers and let him sit on it and decorate the potty with stickers. Kept him bare for the first few days too. We had LOTS of accidents but never made a big deal. When he did manage to do it on the potty, we celebrated and he got a sticker too. He had just turned two. We tried the potty every 20 mins initially and took it from there. Wasn’t easy at all but after a few days he had the basics. Transitioning from the house to going out was the hard part!

Potty training can be such a mental game for the parents! Definitely give it atleast week before calling it a day.

I potty trained both of mine the month before they turned 2. My son did get it but had wee accidents for a while. My daughter got it straight away. I preferred accidents to dealing with nappies tbh.

We did bare bum for the first few days and then no pants with baggy trousers.

Yes, I took this approach and my kids were over 3, but they didn’t need to be “trained” (neither did I!). They asked for proper underwear and that was it! Everything in the potty and dry at night (I kept a nappy for about a month). And thee weren’t constant reminders and no accidents. The only thing they needed help with was wiping their bums!

I had one attempt with DS around 2 and it was a fiasco, so we stopped after one weekend.

Try putting him in when he first wakes up in the morning. He'll probably pee then give him loads and loads of praise and put the nappy back on. Just do it once per day. Mine had learnt to pee on command without stress that way by 17 months.

Thanks everyone for the support. We are giving it a good go today.

Would anyone like a messy potty training update later from us? 😂

As a childminder I actually find it much easier when they are younger at 2 rather than 3. I find a lot of parents are leaving it too late and by 3 they are more upset/embarrassed. Also think of the damage to the environment another year in nappies does. All children are different, but keep going is my opinion.

My little one (who is nearly three and still wears nappies some of the time) was more inclined to use the potty when he was naked. Wearing pants was another big step (and one we've nearlyy cracked).

I realised it shouldn't be stressful for anyone - I started early, like you, but stopped. By waiting until he's older, the process has been fun and full of praise rather than stressy.