This is a common misconception.
It’s hardly surprising that an adult woman with a medical condition will present differently to a young boy with the same medical condition. Why would you expect otherwise?
And more importantly, the fallacy you have fallen into is that a third party can tell the extent of someone’s difficulties from the outside. Masking means that people who have autism but don’t have intellectual disabilities as well (the genes we have identified that are associated with autism itself are actually very highly correlated with those associated with high intelligence, so there is strong evidence that in the absence of other co-morbid medical conditions, autism generally results in higher IQs on average) become very adept at hiding their difficulties. In many cases you’d have no idea they even were autistic as an acquaintance or work colleague etc, only if you were a very close friend or family.
The problem with this is twofold
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people making assumptions, as you have, that someone has lower support needs than they do because they mask; and
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Masking creates a “double whammy” because the person is not only trying to deal with their difficulties due to their neurological condition, but also the dismissive attitudes of people who mistakenly believe point 1), and on top of this the fact that an autistic person continually being forced into environments where they feel they must mask (such as schools set up for NT children) itself vastly increases the risk of developing severe mental health difficulties such as crippling anxiety and depression, burnout etc. Masking itself has been shown to be incredibly harmful. Continue to force children into an unbearable environment where they are forced to mask all day and you will, of course, end up with many dropping out of school and most of those who manage to sustain some attendance having severe mental health problems. Therefore, the obvious solution is to provide appropriate school environments where autistic children can thrive.
Schools are meant to be designed for children and to facilitate their learning. Clearly it’s not acceptable to have a proportion of children who cannot attend the available schools without significant harm and refuse to do anything about it. Even developing countries are required by international law to provide education for all children, and this has been a legal requirement in the UK for many decades yet it being deliberately ignored by all of our politicians because they don’t like the answer about what they need to do to fix it.
If we want autistic children to thrive and grow into competent adults who can manage in environments designed around the needs and preferences of neurotypical people (which of course inevitably the world is, because they are the majority) then these autistic children must be given a manageable and appropriate learning environment in which to develop those skills without becoming completely traumatised and unable to learn to their ability. If one was to sit down and try to design hell for an autistic person it would very closely resemble a state school classroom. So it’s hardly a surprise that these children’s mental health, education and subsequent employment statistics are appalling in comparison to the general population because they are systemically denied access to an environment in which they can thrive during their crucial developmental years and instead subjected to one that feels like daily torture, bringing me back to the points that I made in my first post on page 1.
None of this is a mystery. It’s all well-documented in robust, peer reviewed medical research. The question is why the Government is refusing to accept the established facts and proposing “solutions” which are the precise opposite of what is required to improve the situation, condemning thousands more children to having their life chances and mental health needlessly destroyed by forcing them into a system which is the polar opposite of what they require to learn and develop and build their confidence and resilience.