I need to talk but have no one so just getting it down here. Feel free to ignore.

[itati]

I have had a lot of problems in my life and have really struggled with being a parent. The last 2 weeks have been particulary hard. This morning I decided we would ignore all the bad behaviour completely and we also decided we would go out for a walk together. Nice walk, nice weather, nice time, hopefully.

It is now the end of the day and the kids are in bed.
DS2 (age 3) has a swollen and red cheek and cut eye thanks to his brother (age 7) pushing him.
DS1 has been on the step and sent to his room.
DD (age 4) has been sent to her room but has been the better behaved out of all of them.
DS2 has been sent to the step and is currently crying in bed as he can't have the pyjamas he wants - they are dirty.
DS1 has back chatted me every single time I have spoken to him, has been rough with his siblings and cheeked his father. He has also watched as the little ones squirted sun cream on the carpet and didn't tell us.
All I get is kids will be kids, all fight with their siblings and all backchat. But all the time? No exaggeration.

DH and I are at a loss at what to do, have no one to help, no time alone and I feel sad that maybe I am one of those people who should not have had children.

I used to be such a fun person, good company, a laugh. Now all I do is dread the next day when I go to bed and wish the time away to them going to bed.

I have just done something right!

Please don't all faint.

I stuck by what I said, DS2 cried, I left the room, all over in a minute.

Still hitting his sister but we will get through it.

OSOTC I am in the kitchen with them while they eat, I only pop to the next room to post on here when they eat and I need advice.

Well done Itati, you did well not to get embroiled with their childish behaviour. Now to get them to do positive things. Can you get them to give you ideas of what to cook daddy for tea (cooperating and distracting at the same time). Ours can normally come up with lots of slug-based dishes for some reason. Can you discuss what they have done today? Can you discuss who you have been talking to (albeit on MN) today and what you were chatting about? Can you find something to laugh about with them. Get back in there and start charming them and bonding with them. You have the answers because you know what makes them tick.

You need to try not to show how upset you are in front of the children. They can see this and this makes them act up more. Be firm, be strong. YOU are the boss here - not them.

Have you tried taking something off them that they like, a toy or game or something?

My eldest is very active, non-stop talking and fidgeting. Not really naughty and never back chats but it does get frustrating when he never shuts up and gets really silly with his 18 month old brother. I find that if I put in the naughty corner he calms down.

I have a real struggle getting him to do his homework as he is too busy figdgeting/talking (I'm sure he's hyperactive). I just take his crazy bones off him and he soon tows the line.

Are you a full time mother or do you work?
If you're with them 24/7 you cannot have the time to evaluate the situation and put things into persepective. Can you get someone to look after them now and again and take the pressure off?

I feel for you - good luck!

Much better day yesterday after school and this morning.

I realised I was staying calm and not shouting as I was worried scared it would all kick off, but I also think that doesn't matter, it is the fact that I stay calmer that is good.

I did DS1's and DD's school books with them and we all enjoyed that. DS1 wanted to go outside on his bike, even said I could take a chair and sit down to rest my poorly foot and read a magazine!, but when I said I really couldn't manage and we would do it today, he accepted it straight away. I also said I would get his Dad to read him a chapter of his Famous Five book as he hasn't had that in a long time. All fine. I have also said to Dh we have to go back to reading him at night as it is important dad and son time and I will help get DD and DS2 to bed so he can do that.

I am also trying to spend more time with them, leaving the jobs, and saying yes whenever I can. It helps that DS2 has just started playschool 2 mornings a week as it gives me time to get things done as well as having time alone.

I am a full time mum and up to now have always had at least one child with me.

My MIL rang earlier and has offered to have DS2 for the day tomorrow and the older two for a sleepover on Friday if we can pick them up after tea on Saturday.

Thanks again to everyone for your help and not calling me a broken record!

You sound so much better.

So glad that you're day has been a good one. Just remember the good bits if it all goes a bit pear-shaped at some point (as it does for everyone) and also remind yourself that the 'pear-shaped' times are a blip and you can take a deep breath and return to an even keel and the good bits will happen again.

It's good to hear that you are getting some practical help.

You can do it Today proves that.
Your children are normal and your eldest sounds as though he can be lovely and helpful.

Hang on in there

DS1 has just sprayed water evrywhere in the kitchen and when I asked him to clear it up has thrown his trainers at me.

Have sent him to bed for that and continuous cheek.

Big sigh.

Keep calm. Just remember, this too will pass. Breathe.

Once he comes back down be nice but ask him why he wouldn't clean up the mess he made. I'd also ask him would he have done it if you had helped him. Let him know it wasn't a nice thing to do throwing his trainers and how would he feel if you threw your shoes at him. It's not a nice way to be to each other and everyone ends up upset and wouldn't it be better if we could all be friends and have a good day like yesterday.

That sort of thing.

I will bear that in mind. I din't let him come down. I went up to bath the younger ones and he was in bed in his pyjamas. I asked him to tidy his room and he said no as I had told him to go to bed. His dad sorted him out by reminding him it wasn't how we speak to each other in this house, he wasn't to throw things at mummy and whenever we do nice things for him (baking, taking his bike to school ,etc) this is how he repays us.

Oh well, dinner is ready and tomorrow is another day.

itati - you do nice things for him because he is your child, not because you want paying back in kind. Otherwise you could end up with the "well you were nasty to me, I'm being nasty to you".

Remind him of the nice things you do, by all means, but I'd put it in a way that it makes everyone happier if you are nice to each other. You're nice to him because you love him and like to see him happy and you'd like him to be nice to you because he doesn't like you to be upset. Something along those lines?
Maybe offer to help him tidy his room. He might be finding it a bit overwhelming and is brazening it out to save face. Once you get it started with him he might be a bit more enthusiastic.

Well done for not steaming and getting stressed. Tomorrow is another day - fresh slate.

Don't forget to breathe deep

itati sorry your feeling crap, think I am right in saying we all think we are crap parents at times. The fact you are worried and actively trying to sort it and do the best you can shows your not (crap that is) just a normal mum.
I am sure its a phase kids prob know your feeling abit down and behave in a way you don`t want. Why do they all do that?
Anyway hope tomorrow is a bit better for you

I don't expect gratitude from my kids but a bit of appreciate once in a while would be nice.

DH is off work today with exhaustion and the day is just flying by with me not getting a lot done.

I can't seem to get rid of anything of my for sale things and they are taking up room, the rooms are a mess and the kitchen counters need clearing. I can barely keep my eyes open and I have to go and prepare tea now, get the kids from school in a couple of hours and my other son from his grandparents.

Can you and dh tackle the kitchen worktops and have a bit of a quick tidy up. Chippy for tea, so leave the tea prep? Catch an hour's sleep before you pick the children up? That way you might not feel quite so worn down before you've even begun with the children.

I agree a bit of appreciation once in a while would be lovely, but ime children are not that great at showing it. Might just be my children but from listening to others, I don't think it is. You only upset yourself by expecting it, I've found.
That doesn't mean to say that you don't remind them about their manners every now and then.

Manners would be lovely.

I have focused on one thing - as advised - and just disciplined for hitting. When am I allowed to put a stop to the calling names? Not that they have stopped the hitting.........DS1 threw his trainer at me yesterday, blinking hurt too.

I will get DH to do tea, just pasta for the kids, while I get DS2 and I am about to peel spuds for DH and my tea later. If I had known he was going to be off I would have got out meat for all of us to defrost in time.