Advice on having two children

[Baxton97]

Looking for advice from people who have multiple kids and how hard you found it going from one to two. I have a two year old and really want another child but I am terrified how difficult it would be. I really struggled to adjust to one but obviously nkw I love him and our routine so much it just felt like a hard transition. My heart tells me I want more but I'm just quite scared. I would love to hear people's experiences.

I have 3 children, my eldest is almost 13, middle is 3 and youngest 10 months. I didn’t find 1 to 2 difficult because my eldest being so much older the transition was quite easy. However - going from 2-3 and having a small gap has been the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. It’s not having 3 children that’s difficult per se but specifically my 2 little ones.

The first 4 months of my youngests life were dreadful and I feel terrible saying it but I just had a constant feeling of what the hell have we done. It didn’t help that he had colic and screamed constantly, I was getting 0 sleep between the baby and the toddler and just felt like I was failing everybody. As we creep closer to him turning 1 I feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. At the end of the day these early years go by so quickly and it won’t always be this difficult (which is what I keep telling myself!)

Every baby and every parent is different, some
of my friends found having two little ones fairly straightforward and took to it so well, I am just not one of them unfortunately. However we have all survived so far we which is a good start.

My first didn't sleep either, fought it like he was going to die! My second loves a nap! They is 3 years between them! I'm so glad I had a 2nd!

3.5 years
Zero to one was extremely challenging. No freedom, sore breasts, life fundamentally changed. But a happy, easy and rewarding baby.
One to two, easy peasy, I'd learnt how to do it and the baby was a bit like an extra handbag, bundled into the buggy so we were never late for nursery. Baby two cried a lot and didn't sleep through the night until she was five. If baby two had been baby one, there moght not have been a baby two.

However as teenagers they reversed. Baby one became argumentative and challenging, baby two turned into a darling (with some wobbles).

By about 25 they had sorted themselves put.

I found it fairly easy going from one child to two. Our age gap is almost 4 years and dc1 was in full time nursery when dc2 was born, and then started school a few months later. I was able to have lots of one to one time with dc2 as a baby, going to lots of classes and activities requiring a sole carer like swimming lessons, massage and generally be entirely focused on them without the distraction of a toddler as well.

DH is with an employer who offers a long paternity leave (6 months), and we chose to live close to his office, so he always gets home in time for dinner, and I rarely have to juggle 2 young dcs for long on my own. We used to do bath and bedtimes with one child each so I didn't have to deal with it on my own and ignore one of them. I was able to bf both dcs for over 3 years each which really helped with bonding , sleep and keeping them regulated. I'd have found it much harder with a small age gap, or with a partner who got home after dcs bedtime or was off doing their sports every weekend. So a lot will depend on your lifestyle choices, not just number of dcs.

I didn't have an issue with sleep as I've never needed much sleep myself, it was always normal for me to fall asleep after 2am and then be up for 7am even before I had dcs.

Having a second child is great! Now my two are older things like holidays and days out are so much easier as they have each other to play with! The first three month are hard in my opinion but the joy and happiness they bring to each other is immense. I have boys and they are into the same things so I think I’m lucky as it’s so easy to please them both!

Postpartum was harder with my second. Until about 6/7 weeks I had this absolute intense guilt over my first. I have a 3y5m gap and our bond is amazing and tbh he adjusted better to his sister than I did. I just constantly thought about how she was stopping me spending time with him and I only really enjoyed her and bonded with her overnight when he was in bed. However once she started smiling, interacting that all went away and she’s 1 in a few weeks and I can’t believe I ever felt that way. Honestly best thing ever having 2. They are both so amazing together I feel like I could do at least 2 more but issues in pregnancy means I’m sticking at 2. I really haven’t found the transition if having 2 to look after hard at all and I do a lot of it solo as I’ve got a paramedic husband but I think that’s on the age gap I definitely couldn’t have gone much smaller I needed my son to have the level of independence he does.

@Meand2Ls yes to that guilt! All through my second pregnancy I was so excited but felt so bad that I would no longer be able to give him 100%. Also they look so much bigger when a baby comes along, you become tired & impatient then remember they are still so little themselves! He can’t remember her not being around now.