Advice on having two children

[Baxton97]

Looking for advice from people who have multiple kids and how hard you found it going from one to two. I have a two year old and really want another child but I am terrified how difficult it would be. I really struggled to adjust to one but obviously nkw I love him and our routine so much it just felt like a hard transition. My heart tells me I want more but I'm just quite scared. I would love to hear people's experiences.

I struggled with one (they're a challenging child to parent) but loved having two as my second has a totally different temperament and is much more chilled and easy to parent. So it brought me so much joy having another, I'm so glad I did it. And they're playing together now which is another pleasure of having two! Obviously there are hard parts but for me that's due to parenting generally and not because I have two!

I found it far more difficult going from none to one child than from one to two. I think the reasons for this is I had more experience and didn't feel so worried about outside opinions and "pressures" things came back to me much more naturally and I had way more confidence in my abilities if that makes sense.

My youngest is now 2 and I'm finding the toddler stage more difficult than the baby stage but seeing my 2 children together is amazing.

Awwwww thats nice to hear and read. My son woke almost every hour for months and months so I think that also made me struggle a lot more haha. Whats your age gap

Awww that's so nice 😊 whats the age gap if you dont mind me asking? Toddlers are a difficult age especially with those random tantrums 😅

I found it very hard going from one child to two. Second child was much more challenging than the first and there were times it nearly broke me completely.

I went from one to three but all of my friends and family didn't find 1 to 2 hard. They said 2 to 3 was tough because they couldn't have eyes on everyone all at once.

I think one completely changes everything as you no longer can do as you please, prioritise yourself. When you have a second it's easier in the sense you're already a Mum.

One to two was a piece of cake as we knew what we were doing with our second and she just slotted into our lives pretty seamlessly.

Child two is a goblin child though 😆 So naughty compared to my eldest who was a dream toddler and very chill.

Zero to one was horrible.

It’s lovely having a second, it feels more like a traditional family and there’s nothing better than seeing the two of them together (when they’re on their best behaviour that is!). Mine are four years apart which worked quite well.

My first baby (son) was relatively easy, slept well and good temperament. Second (DD) had reflux and seemed to cry for first three months. And now they are in their 20s, with the teen years for my son being very difficult but not my DD!
My DH passed away when they were small so I raised them on my own. It was hard but not physically so. Sadly they do not get on particularly well - don’t assume they will.
It was going from working full time to being a full time mother that I found very hard. I was in my 40s when I had them and I went from being me to X’s mum. Hated that. But get your head around the psychological bit and If your partner is involved then you will be fine.

I found two easier than one. I think it was partly that I was already in the swing of things. Our second just fitted into what was already a child centred household.

Obviously it's twice the work (sometimes more sometimes less) but you are a more skilled parent to begin with.

Honestly I found both the transition from 0-1 and 1-2 fine. What was really hard was two mobile young children, but a toddler and a newborn felt like a very gentle introduction to parenting two. It did make days of only liking after one feel like a spa day though as you get used to it being tougher.

Note that are older they play together a lot though is still more hard work using them together than separate.

0-1 I found fairly easy, as dc1 was an easy baby.
1-2 was hard as dc2 was harder (didn't sleep well). Toddler and baby was so much harder than 1 baby.

2 yrs apart.

Now they're older I think sometimes 2 is easier, sometimes life is just constant refereeing. Its a mix but probably much to do with temperament as number.

None to one is a complete baptism by fire. One to two is hard in a different way. You’ve never had less time in your life. The first three years in particular are tough. But it’s absolutely worth it and once they’re old enough to play together there are lots of ways in which it’s easier than having just one.

I would agree with this.

My second is a MUCH more difficult personality than my first. However I’m still really glad I have two. It’s hard work when they’re small but do-able. And great (but also hard work of course!) when they’re older. I feel like they are each the greatest gift that I gave to the other. Three year age gap. I couldn’t have done a smaller one

I found it pretty easy going 1 to 2 but I have a 5 1/2 year age gap . I love this age gap as I got to spend so much solo time with my first and plenty of solo time with my second due to the school day .
my eldest was self sufficient in many ways which lessened the juggle with both of them .

If your oldest will be going to nursery or school when you have your second then that will make things easier as you’ll have times when it’s just you and the second baby.
I found the baby stage with my first son really hard. It was easier second time around as I kind of knew what I was doing. I think you naturally become a bit more relaxed - like it won’t harm the baby to cry for a minute whilst you sort the toddler out. With my first I felt like I had to immediately stop his crying or fussing.
The newborn stage can be tricky when you’re trying to juggle cluster feeding and your tiredness and a toddler who needs entertaining - but that’s when you can be more relaxed about tv time and do whatever you can to make life easier!
If you go into it knowing that there will be tricky moments and just lean into the chaos then it is very enjoyable. And remember each phase is temporary, so hard moments won’t last forever.
My favourite thing is seeing my 1 year old and 3 year old running around the house laughing together whilst I get to sit on the sofa for a minute!

4.5 years which was bigger than I wanted, but DD arrived a few months before DS was starting school which in hindsight was a genius move as I got time with her while he was at school and I was off work while settled in to school. Now he is 6 and she is a toddler it's like having a 3rd parent around as he can fetch things and another set of eyes 😂

However I will say it made it easier than my first was a terrible sleeper and generally high maintenance compared to my toddler who is far more chilled and likes a nap 😂

I didn’t find it particularly difficult going from one to two, but then both my children were “easy” and the older one loved being a big sister to the baby. They are 2 yrs and 3 months apart and always been very close - both when they were children and still now that they are in their 20s.

This was my experience too. My first was such an easy child in comparison, that my second being so challenging was a real shock to the system. I love him fiercely, but he shattered my mental health multiple times during his babyhood/toddlerdom. I originally wanted 3, but I couldn't risk having another like that.

Unfortunately it's pure pot luck. You don't know what you're in for until it's too late.

I found one to two easier in some ways and harder in others. I had the confidence that I knew what I was doing and was fully prepared with most of the equipment!

However both mine have been terrible sleepers. Would take ages to fall asleep, resisted naps. Constant feeding. My poor son was 2½ and had to wait for so long for me to get my daughter down, so I could play with him. She would often wake within minutes I felt awful! He once burnt himself while I was trying to get her to sleep, stupid error on my part.

Thankfully my parents are nearby and would help so I could take her out in the stroller to guarantee she would sleep. If I stopped walking she would wake. Don’t know how I would have coped without them!

My son really had no interest in his sister until she was one, when they started belly laughing together in the back of the car! Now they are 8 and 5 and the tough bit was very much worth it. Of course they bicker lots but they are brilliant company for each other and have a lovely relationship. He is very protective over her and she looks up to him!

Interesting to hear other’s experiences above.

To echo pretty much everyone else, much easier than going from 0 to 1. Mine are 2.5 yrs apart and I had PND with the first so the second time around felt heavenly in comparison - I felt more bonded with dc2, patient, understanding, confident etc. Now the youngest is 1.5 they are starting to play together too which is lovely.

I found two ok. Mine are 21 months apart. They’ve been best friends and get on really well. My first dc was a very easy child, so I think I was lulled into a false sense of security, because my second wasn’t so easy at all. But all in all, it was good. I’m very glad they are close in age. That was really important to me.

I put off having my 2nd for 5 1/2 years but I'm so glad I did. I'm not saying it always works out but my dds are super close & are best friends (they're now 22 & 17)