Do you love the second child as much?

[cornflakegirl]

I have one DS aged 3. Would quite like another child, but slightly worried that I might not love another one as much as I love DS. DH and I are still besotted with him (most of the time ), and regularly share "isn't he fantastic" moments. Would we feel the same way about another one?

Oblomov are you pg ?

Thank you Slim and Amphibimum. Your posts hit home with me alot.
I sit here crying. Clearly very emotional. I am worried. I am aslo worried that I want to find out that I am having a girl on tuesday. And then tonight I started to question my desire for a girl. Thinking , ds is so sweet and cuddly, do I really want a girl. Why do I want a girl.

Like I say apologies. I am clearly very emotional.

Actually, today has been all about ds2, which is unusual, as it's usually about ds1.

But ds2 hit a milestone today (weeing on the potty) and he also invented a game with a box of plasitc shapes and the knob on the drawer handle - "Mummy daddy baby stars swing" - large star takes smaller star to swinging knob and they get poked through it.

It was lovely to watch.

It is perfectly normal to have this worry. Loads of people have it. But they all come out the other side, clutching their whole new pie of love 9 () and realise how deluded and wrong they were!

LOL Colditz. Cheers.

I am not deluded or projecting I am only reporting to the op what I have winessed. My friends really do seem to love their second children more, I have asked them if they have fallen in love like they did with the first and they have all said "oh, yes - more so". this was the dads as well as the mums

ob, stop apologising, you nutter. anyone born to mlive life in a dressing gown is alright by me . i have thought and felt all those things too... youre 'just' on an emotional rollercoaster atm which is fine as you recognise it as such. you WILL be fine. baby stage will be a slog, it always is, but there will be magic in there to bounce you along. and mn to do same. i feel like getting drunk with you would be fun.

well i have 3 and they are different personalities but i love them all with all my heart and no reservations. and i dont think im special in that.

congratulations!!!
don't worry.

My mother did not help by saying, Ds was just an angel, the second is bound to be more challenging, especially if it's a girl

Well that's one thing I won't be telling her in a few years.

yes u do. I thought about this also after 5 years of just dd. They adore one another & r very protective, just like a parent would be.

yes a million times

Oblomov on Fri 27-Jun-08 23:50:10
'What happens if your first child is a little sweetie. And then you get the devil child. Surely you can't love them as much if they are not as nice as your first child ?
This is what I am scared of. '

I don't think we really love our children because they are little sweeties. We love them because they need us, and it's because we love them that we see that they are little sweeties. That's why everybody needs a mother!

Remember, the devil children you have seen to date have been other people's devil children . Your child is never going to be like that.

Also, be aware that these things go in phases. If your ds has been a little sweetie up to date, that is no guarantee that this will last forever. Will you stop loving him if he turns into a stroppy 8yo or a difficult pre-teen or a hormonal teenager? Of course not.

My dd was a difficult and demanding baby, toddler and pre-school child. She is now a mature and responsible pre-teen with a great sense of humour.

Ds was an easy-going baby, a sunny toddler, and a delightful pre-school boy. He is now turning into quite a stroppy and sensitive boy, always ready to fly off at a tangent. But I still think he is lovely.

I expect these roles to be reversed time and again until they reach adulthood- and perhaps beyond.

I love both of mine with all my heart. I find them interesting and adorable at different times and yes, sometimes I only want to shower one of them with love and kisses because they are just being so cute and lovely. But that never diminishes what I feel for the other one. The next thing I know the other with do something equally as charming and it will be their turn !

I will admit that after my second I did get PND (After much soul searching I have realised the cause of this and has much more to do with ExP than either of my children. Basically I was in hospital for a week before I had DD ((no2)) and he didnt look after DS or come to see me for 3 days of that, couldnt get hold of him when first went into labour, some part of me decided that if this baby meant that he didnt want me or DS anymore then I didnt want her IYSWIM? Completely irrational and totally, horribly unmaternal. But there you go, things that hormones do and mental coping mechanisms I guess. I digress.)When I started to come out the other side of it (ie left ExP) I began to see her for her and realise she was not the cause of all my problems but was a lovely little dumpling! And she is all mine!! I admit that after I got the image in my head of her right then at the time I felt I did love her more and paid her much more attention than DS because I felt I owed it to her.

It is the most wonderful thing to wake up to two very small children arguing about who loves me most! lol

So yes ST, sometimes I think I could love my second child more than my first. But then he does/says something adorable and I know that they are both "whole Pie"-ers :P

No I am sure you are not deluded StressTeddy and if you friends have said that ,then so be it, but honestly your friends are a bit wierd (in that respect only)

I can happily report that I love both my children equally passionately and could pass a lie detector test on that! Perhaps I'm lucky (or rather, my children are)

Hiya cornflake girl, we were like that our dd, sat and watched her in awe most of the time. I gave birth to my second a ds 14 weeks ago and I completely love him just as much. In fact sharing a bottle of wine after tea when dd had crashed out asleep on the sofa and dd was asleep in his rocker, we had the conversation how great/lovely/perfect they BOTH are. Like someone once said to me the pie doesnt get split up they get a pie each.

And the sibling thing is the most wonderful experience you can have as a parent.

Looking into dd's room late at night and finding ds snuggled up with her because he's had a nasty dream and she has comforted him... Hearing them giggling together at a joke that no adult can understand. Finding the Get Well card he drew her when she was going into hospital.

Yes

Completely agree with the sibling thing - seeing DS sobbing for "Ro-ro" as we leave school in the morning, seeing them both get arsey if I try to stagger bedtimes (they share a room and want to go together), hearing DD say that we shouldn't get a cat because it might hurt her brother... they are all moments that make your heart swell.

Although I did a bit on Friday.... "K has 2 babies.... Can we have 2 babies?"

(K has a brother the same age as DS, and a new baby sister )