Room issues with blended family

[ZoeNewell1993]

Me and my fiance have been together for 11 years. When I met him he had a daughter from a past relationship who comes every other weekend and half of the holidays. She's now 15 years old. We have a 4 year old together and live in a two bedroom house. One of the rooms are ours and the other is hers. My son has a cotbed at the bottom of her bed and nothing else in the rooms is his, all his toys etc are in the living room. He sleeps in there but every other weekend and half of the holidays we move the cotbed into our room unsettling him everytime.

We approached the subject of the room being shared, or at least allowing him to have some toys etc in there, but she kicked off and said she wouldn't visit, this was 2 years ago so we left it as it was. He is now starting school and hasn't got a room of his own or a space to call his. My partner doesn't want to change it as its her room and we would be moving her out of it or making her share.

Now I agreed a 15 year old needs her own space but she's dictating our home when she has a room at her mums house where she lives the majority of the time. Ive suggested giving our little boy the room and giving her our bedroom every time she is here completely to herself but my partner wants to make it so my little boy has his toys etc and space with a bed they both share and when she is here he is moved into our room with a pull out bed and she then has the bed with her bedding etc and the room each time.

As much as I feel this could work I feel our son who lives here permanently should have his own room and unfortunately until we can move, which we are trying too, she will need to have our space, i still feel this is a compromise but one im willing to make to keep every happy, only thing is she still isn't happy and causing such a rift we've almost separated.

Am I being unreasonable or are there any better solutions im missing?

You could do both of these things at the same time. Have a look at some of the suggestions for room divider bunk beds as well.

https://www.mattressnut.com/bunk-bed-room-dividers/

Is your house up for sale? Some moves can go through in a few months, one of our moves did, but the sooner you start the move the better. The move sounds pie in the sky and just another bloke who has had another child without thinking how he would provide properly for them. You knew this day would come and haven’t planned and now it’s all a rush, yet you want your child to be settled.

I feel for the children.

Did you not honestly think of this when you were planning a child of your own?

She's the eldest and came first. It's not her fault that you had another child that you didn't have a space for. If you remove that room, you're effectively removing her place in her Dad's life.

The immediate solution is to give your son your room, and get a sofa bed for the living room for yourselves. You can keep your clothes etc upstairs.

If youve read anything ive said we did and we were planning to move before he was born but life happens and unfortunately the way things have been in the world our finances took a massive hit and the stability of moving wasnt the right timing. All ive cared about is the children hence why I have always made sure she was welcome and had that space. It isnt unreasonable to want a space for him when he lives here all the time. Im not saying I dont want a space for her but when we've all made sacrifices over the years it isnt unreasonable to suggest her having our space when she is here with her bedding etc and not to be bothered whilst shes here. That is still making sure she has her own space and feels welcome. Some families bung children on pull out beds in living rooms etc and I have never even suggested it to make sure she didnt loose her place in her dad's life but unfortunately everyone has to make do when youre a family without enough space and weve all done that and now this plan effects her its not reasonable. I as a child had to share a room with my step sisters and sometime stay in a living room but my family mattered to me.

I haven't said shes being unreasonable but to not come when we are looking at options that still gives her privacy and her own bed, (either he is moved into our room when she is here and has her own bedding etc like he would when she isnt here) and both options give her privacy. If I gave her my room when she was here it would be her space whilst she is here, simple.

Given you’re planning a move so it’s only a short term plan I’d give your DS your room.

Split your storage between the rooms if needed. Sleep in DSD’s room the majority of the time. Get a sofa bed for the lounge that you two sleep on while she’s staying.

Genuinely not thought of that plan and that could be an option that works, thank you.

Times change, your son is growing up and needs his own room. Step daughter can't possibly expect 2 rooms to call her own while her half brother has none.

Don't ask her, tell her it's happening.

Times change, your son is growing up and needs his own room. Step daughter can't possibly expect 2 rooms to call her own while her half brother has none.

Don't ask her, tell her it's happening.

Not sure why that posted twice!

Screw that. Dsd gets her own room that she's only in 8 days a month while the adults who own the room get none?

That sends all the wrong kind of messages.

I had to do it for a while when medical issues meant my girls needed separate rooms. Just make sure you get a decent mattress or mattress topper on the sofa bed for any longer stays!

It’s not going to be the most fun, but for a few nights at a time it’s perfectly doable and gives both kids their own space, gives your DSD her space still and saves any moving around for your DS. Then you can start afresh when you move.

It’s effectively their room when she’s not there, but done in a way that doesn’t make a teenager feel like she is being pushed out. Also means their DS isn’t moved around every time his sister visits.

it’s a perfectly decent short term solution until they move.

Yes this is a good solution.

What’s the betting either DH or DSD objects though…