At what age do children start learning basic household jobs?

[Tomorrowkeepscoming]

I know this’ll have many different answers for different contexts, but roughly at what age does everyone think it’s reasonable to get children to start learning to do things for themselves and around the house? A few examples:

• make their own toast (supervised)
• strip beds and learn how to make them
• empty and load dishwasher
• laundry basics
• cleaning basics

when I was a child I learnt all these things by observation firstly then some instruction and I was desperate to be grown up and responsible. These days, it feels like if it’s not on a screen, it’s not real and kids don’t want any responsibility at all.

My 9YO can make a bed in summer when it’s just a sheet but struggles with the duvet cover since she has a double.

I still struggle with that in my 50s...

Ah yes, we had a big garden, so from primary, in summer, we had to pick a colander of strawberries/raspberries before school. The kitchen table got covered in newspaper, and we'd all sit round, topping and tailing gooseberries or blackcurrants or redcurrants or podding peas, stringing beans, whatever was in glut.

I never did much as a child and on the one hand it did me no favours but on the other hand I do look back at my childhood with big appreciation for the housework fairy!

Having watched my 11yo try (and fail) to lay a towel out flat on the ground earlier I don't think there's any chance of her making a bed in the next 3 years 😂

Wait for the toast to get stuck followed by efforts to get it out using a metal fork or knife ..

I wouldn't let a 7 yo use a kettle or have anything to do with boiling water.

My daughter is nearly 2, she helps unload dishwasher; and peg laundry out. She helps with food prep. We encourage her to put her dirty clothes in the basket and put toys away. I think it’s important to start as young as possible so it’s always an expectation

Mine helped as soon as he was old enough to follow me around. He is seven and can put a load of washing on, hoover, clean a bathroom (with safe products, I wouldn’t let him use bleach obviously) and various other jobs.

I am more hesitant about anything involving heat like making toast without VERY close supervision. The other tasks he could do without me watching him.

I was taught all these things as a child and it stood me in good stead, for some reason my parents taught me and not my younger sister and she had to learn it all when she moved out, which is not ideal. I lived with a lot of young blokes at uni who didn’t know how to do basic household tasks (one didn’t even know that clothes had to go into drawers/wardrobe dry and was putting wet laundry in, causing a huge mould problem) and people found them absolutely exasperating. I don’t want that to be my kid 😆

My kids are surprisingly good at sweeping floors (one sweeps, the other uses the dustpan and brush). They do it whilst singing It's a Hard Knock Life 😂 (they have pretty nice lives, definitely no hardship!)

They also unload the dishwasher, help hang up wet washing, lay the table, and eldest will feed the cats. Ages 5 and 8.

My DD is 3, she can:

• make their own toast (supervised) - we use a grill so I'm not wanting to let her try yet.
• strip beds and learn how to make them - Can strip them. Making is harder
• empty and load dishwasher - loading is haphazard, unloading she passes most things to me but can put away a few things in her reach.
• laundry basics - helps to load and unload the washing machine and tumble dryer. I wouldn't trust her to set it or sort washes.
• cleaning basics - can wash up, admittedly splashy and I check things. Can sweep with a dust pan. Can wipe a side.

Before people start yelling about a child doing too much, this is all fun which she asks to do. She doesn't see it as chores, she likes learning and being a big girl by doing what the adults do.

My husband had a step at aged 3 to make his own sandwich.

What do other people do with the kids who refuse point blank to help from toddlerhood onwards?

Or am I the only person who has ever met a 3 year old-going-on-Kevin-the-teenager who remained like that?

Honestly, I think mine have started doing it later than many on this thread.

Eldest is 9- she knows how to make toast etc and often does it on school days but it's usually me on weekends. She'll do her baby sister's toast sometimes but not her brothers'. She can strip her bed but doesnt do it unless I ask her and usually it's me because i do all of them at the same time. She occasionally helps unload the dishwasher, but a lot of stuff is in high cupboards (because of the toddler) so it's a lot faster for DH to just do it. I've never thought to ask her to load it, really should do I suppose. No cleaning or laundry aside from putting her stuff in the basket or putting away her clean stuff.

5yos - don't do anything other than helping to tidy the playroom (they wouldnt manage a "tidy this room up!" Instruction, more at the level of "DTwin1 you need to put all the blocks away, DTwin2 you are doing the train set, I'll do the books") and sticking their plate on the side after brealfast.

Youngest is a toddler, she just kind of potters aroumd with me and likes popping things in the washing machine but has no actual responsibility.

I don't think I did chores until I started secondary school, and they were quite limited as my parents wanted me to spend my time on school/hobbies. A dishwasher is not so hard to use that it takes years of training.

The same thing that you do when your chid refuses to go to bed/refuses to brush their teeth/refuses to get dressed/refuses to sit at the table etc.

or, in the case of chores, don't make a big deal of it and turn it into a game.

I would expect toddlers to start helping with chores suitable for their age.

My son is 6.5 and it varies to be honest. He doesn't do all of the below all the time, but most are semi regular/on a bit of a rotation -

Sets the table, puts his washing in the basket, helps out a load of washing on and get clothes off the line and helps put them away.

He hoovers at weekends and sometimes does some dusting or wiping down surfaces. He loves washing the car and watering the plants.

Tidies his toys away each night, although this is somehow the task he needs the most direction/supervision on, despite it being the thing we've been getting him to do for years 🤷🤣

He doesn't do toast, but he can make a sandwich, do his own cereal, chop mushrooms, grate cheese, get bits out the fridge /freezer and pop them on the oven trays etc. We do bake together quite often too.

Sometimes he helps me with popping bits in the slow cooker, stirring in the herbs etc, but tbh I don't get him to do much where heat is involved. He helps with washing up and putting shopping away sometimes too.

We have a cat and guinea pigs and while he won't touch the cat food, he will top the water up and he'll feed the piggies most days (unless we've already done it)

I think the biggest thing we had to think about differently was the practical layout of things. So we got him some steps for the kitchen, we swapped our cupboards and fridge around so he could get to things without having to ask us. Buy a smaller milk so it's easier for him to handle. Moved the laundry basket to the landing.

My dd could do all of the above by age 6/7yo other than strip her bed, I don’t think she did that until she was 18yo or so 🙈😂

She’s 20yo now and cleaned the whole house while I was at work Ystd so I must have done something right.

Everyone living in this house contributes to the workload of running a home, therefore everyone living in this house takes part in the workload of running a home.
DH and I both have our own (very different ) businesses and take on a lot of trainees/work placements/internees and the amount of idiots without any knowledge of basis life skills is astounding.
My kids have an amazingly carefree childhood while also learning how to be part of a family/team/cook/clean/budget etc.
The two are not mutually exclusive.

My 8 year old helps me to strip her bed and does her own pillow case when remaking it, I always ask her to help me. She also occasionally helps me to empty the dishwasher but that's only when she offers, I don't ask or expect her to do this. She tidies her own room (usually needs a bit of help with some bits), she will sometimes use the handheld hoover to hoover bits up, laundry wise she is responsible for putting her dirty clothes in the basket in her bedroom, and for putting away her clean laundry (except school uniform, I do that). I put the clean clothes on her bed. She sometimes dusts her bedroom or dusts other parts of the house but admittedly she doesn't do a very good job of that!

My 4 year old is supposed to put their dirty laundry in the basket in their bedroom too but is pretty hit and miss about whether they do it or not. I'm pretty sure my eldest was doing this more consistently at their age. They will also help tidy their bedroom up but they won't do much of it alone if asked as they just get distracted and end up playing with something in there instead! Occasionally they will have a go at dusting too but again they don't do a good job of it haha.

These days?

My teenager would tell you you’re being prejudiced against her generation and she’d be right. She cleans her room, including changing and washing sheets. Her own laundry, makes breakfast lunch and often the family dinner, dog chores, reptile chores, dishwasher and she volunteers as well. Isn’t interested in SM and very few of her friends are screenagers as she calls them.

The only issue I see is some boys aren’t being taught. And my girl knows to avoid relationships with those boys so if you have boys, teach them. Or they may find themselves being sad about the male loneliness epidemic because no self respecting girl will date them.

Mine are 15, 10 & 7.....
15 YO is expected to full tidy/clean their room, load/unload dishwasher, hoover/dust where required/strip and remake own bed/clean bedroom mirrors and inside of bedroom window/sort clean washing into piles and put away own clothes as well as any bedding and towels.

10 YO- keep own room tidy/hoover it and dust/polish. Make own bed each morning and strip bedding for me to put fresh on/put own clothes away inc hanging them.

7 YO pretty much the same as 10 YO but he hasn't yet mastered stripping his bedding so I tend to do the whole strip and remake and he can't reach the hanging rail in his wardrobe so I hang the clothes that need hanging.

They all also get their own bags packed for School and younger 2 get their football kits packed and sorted for training/matches (which is most days for them both)

They all make their own breakfasts each day as long as only cereal or using toaster or microwave. 2 older ones can make simple meals and use the microwave without issue. Eldest can use the oven and airfryer when needed too. They take it in turns to make the dinner table and clear up and all clear their own plates etc.

My nephew (8) can hoover and do other things but doesn’t do it that much if I remember correctly. He can be a little git, like when I looked after him he wanted me to spread hummus on his bread. He can clean the bathroom. Water plants. Lays the table. Puts plate in dishwasher or sink. The 2.5 year old can put things away, water garden and “clean”. Can spread hummus on bread with plastic knife and very neatly and non messily too. Older kid picks out his clothes for the day (sometimes unwise choices…). Older one if going out can make a sandwich, if inside toast, cup of tea.

My DH was never expected to do anything as a child because MIL was of the opinion that kids should be allowed to be kids, as an adult he finds it really stressful when he makes mistakes because he has never been shown as a child. He could have made those mistakes as a child, or his Mum stepped in and shown him correctly then (FIL is too important to contribute), I don’t have time to be teaching him now because I have my share to be doing. As a result I am teaching DC from as soon as they can contribute to part of a job and DH agrees because he has said he never wants them to feel as stressed as he feels about what I do without a second thought.

MIL thinks I’m lazy for getting DH and the kids to do everything, baring in mind I work more hours, earn more and probably do the majority (it is getting less as DH increases his skill set)…. I wonder if she would have done everything if she had daughters.