At what age do children start learning basic household jobs?

[Tomorrowkeepscoming]

I know this’ll have many different answers for different contexts, but roughly at what age does everyone think it’s reasonable to get children to start learning to do things for themselves and around the house? A few examples:

• make their own toast (supervised)
• strip beds and learn how to make them
• empty and load dishwasher
• laundry basics
• cleaning basics

when I was a child I learnt all these things by observation firstly then some instruction and I was desperate to be grown up and responsible. These days, it feels like if it’s not on a screen, it’s not real and kids don’t want any responsibility at all.

In the U.K. brownies and cubs often do cooking badges and helping around the home badges.

i say cooking but mostly it was cold food prep or supervised cooking.

mine were really keen on it

If supervised fine but arguably pointless as more effort than just making the toast for them

If unsupervised, are you confident they won’t try to fish toast out of it gets stuck and burn themself? Leave a lump of bread/ broken off crust in the bottom that starts smoking? If it starts smoking will they deal with it sensibly or let it catch fire?

Our toaster quite often does things like that because people put crusty bread, hot cross buns etc etc in it. DS likes bagels but sometimes they get stuck. Maybe if you only use it for very regular bread it would be less of an issue.

The point of letting them do it supervised is precisely so that they learn though - the same goes for letting themselves get dressed or brush their hair.

From age 3 mine have started knowingly doing jobs before that it's just toddler help putting their teddies in the basket type stuff.

Mine are 4,8 and 11 all can do what's on the list and more for the 8 and 11 year old. The 4 year old needs more help and supervision.

My 7 year old can make toast. My 11 year old can do the first three things on the list and could do some elements of cleaning but probably wouldn’t do a very good job.

I totally agree it does kids no favours for them to be incapable.
Most kids I know learnt to do most of these things before about age 8-10.

However there's one subset of kids who will bloody-mindedly do this on their own timescale and woe betide any adult trying to give htem skills when they're not in the mood/ not ready/ not up to meeting that demand. My son, and one of his closest friends (both 9) are both PDA profile AuDHDers. Both perfectly capable, except for how they react to perceived demands.

I have been trying to get DS to help since he was a toddler. Things like baking so he could learn to do it, with the bribe of licking the bowl and eating half the ingredients. Turns out he'd rather not eat, than have to cook anything himself. Ditto cleaning, vacuuming, washing, making beds, putting anything away... So we've reached a standoff where he doesn't get pocket money and doesn't do chores, because I'm sick of nagging and he's sick of being nagged. I do the bare minimum for him and his bedroom is a total mess. He'll be one of those ones at uni who don't have a clue. Hopefully someone else can boot him into shape eventually, since I'm having precisely zero effect on him.

His friend is the same, 3rd child with two extremely thoughtful, responsible older siblings who've been desperate to help all their lives. Parents tried the same gentle encouragement they'd done on the first two, with the 3rd one, expecting her to be as eager to be grown-up and responsible as her siblings. Nope. Tried bribing. Nope. Tried standing back a bit while gently modelling. Nope. Grandmother tried to step in with criticism. Nope. So now it's this big thing with years of expectation and resentment attached, and the 9yo just. will. not. budge. at. all.

My kids are 9 & 10. They can both do all on the list. They can also cook basic meals like a lasagna etc.

it’s never expected and always a fun thing. They earn money for being helpful that they spend on what they like.

for us as parents we felt it was important to teach our kids life skills and that includes the love of cooking. (Future planning - nutrition but also cheaper to cook from scratch rather than live on junk)

as for housework, they keep their own lounge/bathroom and bedrooms clean and tidy and sort their own washing.

Definitely when they start primary school (so from 4yrs ish) if not before. DS has just turned 6 and I’m encouraging him to help out more around the house, especially over the holidays when we’re home a bit more. He will do hoovering with our little hand held Dyson vacuum cleaner; help me to load and unload the washing machine including measuring the detergent and selecting the program and temperature etc; tidying up toys; and I’m starting to involve him a bit more with cooking (making sandwiches, chopping veg, weighing ingredients etc). And I also think it’s really important for DH to do household chores so it’s just normal that all people in a household help to look after the house. I remember being pretty shocked at uni that so many of the boys didn’t know how to do basic things such as cooking, cleaning and laundry as their parents had always done it all for them so we are keen to avoid that for DS!

Thanks everyone for your thoughts… my primary worry is that they won’t be capable when they’re older (particularly as they are neurodivergent) and have an expectation that someone else will always do it.
but then I have the gentle parenting voice in my head that says they should be allowed to be kids as long as possible without the anxieties of grown up concerns.
my own personal view is that childhood is about practicing to be a content, useful and resilient adult and that doing these things as part of a routine is better than it suddenly clunking them on the head when they get older

I think starting young and making it fun is the way to go. Young children generally love helping with household jobs if you make it seem fun (mine loved stripping the bed because they then got to make a den with the duvet and pillows; cooking is great fun if it's not the drudgery of having to feed the family each day etc). As I said upthread my DC have been tidying away before bed from as soon as they were able to hold and drop an object; so it was second nature as they got older. They've always "helped" with changing beds so they didn't even really notice that I gradually did less and less until I stepped away entirely. I don't think it's a "grown up concern" to be doing basic household jobs, any more than it's a grown up concern to have to learn how to wash and look after yourself and go to school to learn things.

They an still be kids and learn asic tasks.My DS loved baking (and eating) so I let him do it under supervision.

Maybe in your life, you have lazy men. I do not.
The 8yr old does a variety of easy chores because I want them to be a fully competant/independant/clean adult, who can take care of themselves.
It's my job as a parent

Oh god. I started teaching mine simple tasks, such as helping to set and clear the table, from about the age of 3/4. Does it stick, now that they are adults and working and back living at home while getting launched? Up to a point, I suppose, but still not as much as I’d like. So I get a financial contribution towards cleaning costs each month, rather than issuing repeated reminders to clean the bathroom/ dust the bedroom, etc. To be fair, my parents never insisted on us doing chores (partly because my mum had standards she wanted met NOW, and also it gave her an opportunity to snoop in our bedrooms, which she was certainly not going to forgo) and we all ended up tidy, organised people with clean and orderly homes. So there’s some imprinting that goes on anyway.

Mine have been "helping" from birth. Older ones always complain if little ones aren't doing their bit so the baby got given a duster to hold or some odd socks to play with and everyone's happy.

My DM apparently when she got married at 24 could boil an egg and make potato salad and toast but not much else. She could do household chores though. My DB (younger than me by 2 years) cooked from at least 8 and often devised his own snacks. His son at 8 can cook but it’s more prep. The other day said “I don’t like eggs” until I gave him a list of foods which had eggs in it and he was yes, I like all those. Is apparently trying snails when on holiday in France (now).

Your lazy attitude only works if the parents of all the other students actually did their job and taught them how to live. They then have to pass on that knowledge to the poor kids whose parents failed them. Or do you think some sort of fairy visits them at uni and magically teaches them?

The issue with the idea they'll learn fast as adults is that some is it isn't obvious. If you've never seen a toilet cleaned, you might not realise it needs cleaning to look up how. With supermarkets removing best before dates on veg, they may not think to check freshness before use. If they've never done washing, they may not know the potential pitfalls to look out for. Minor issues but also easily rectified by teaching them naturally as it comes up whilst they're at home.

Totally agree with letting kids try from toddlerhood. They often find it novel and fun to do things like put a basket of washing into the machine or passing a peg as you hang clothes. I bet they can often work out who a clothing item belongs to.

Starting early can mean normalising jobs and instilling good habits if you get them to put their own cup, plate and cutlery into the dishwasher after each meal.

One job they enjoyed was unloading the plastic crates that online grocery delivery comes in and putting stuff away,

My 2 yr old makes toast 😂 im with her and get toast out

If i could do it again then I'd do it from when they start school. Its only the last few months that my kids have started cooking for themselves or doing other household chores, they are secondary school and junior school ages

My 5YO can make toast, put their own stuff in the dishwasher and to a certain point help empty it excluding sharp knives, wine glasses and high cupboards. My 9YO can make a bed in summer when it’s just a sheet but struggles with the duvet cover since she has a double. Cleaning is a tough one because we have a cleaner and it’s all done whilst we’re out of the house so no opportunity to learn at home, but they’re expected to help at Brownie camp including cleaning the bathroom after their stay, so are getting some exposure to it. I think it’s important not so much to know how to do these things as adults, it isn’t that hard to learn especially when you can google ‘how to clean a shower’ or whatever but I personally think it’s good to see kids as a full, contributing member of the household.

Brownies and Cubs are expected to do basic tasks at camp. I would imagine on school
journey they have to make their own beds etc and pack their bags at the end of their holiday. I have heard of parents being furious that their children are expected to help at Brownie and Cub camp and even at Guide and Scout camp. Interestingly help is more expected at Brownie and Guide camp than Scout and Cub camp. I have a friend who clearly did nothing at home suspect they could have had help at home she didn’t know how to boil potatoes and thought you had to dry them after peeling them. She has no idea how to cook but a lovely person

I have an almost 4 year old, he sorts his dirty washing into the correct basket, sets the table, puts his shoes and coat away correctly, puts his own rubbish in the bin, helps unpack the food shop. That's probably it for the time being for us but I'm enjoying seeing other people's children's jobs on this thread and might add a few to our list!

No space for that atm when its full on allotment veg season 😅 I'm happy tbh, eldest will bring milk over and tbh they want porridge most days tbh

If you have time (and it takes a lot more time to teach than to do it yourself) then you can basically get them to "help" with laundry, cleaning, tidying etc from being a toddler.
For our 3 and 6 year olds the main focus is on doing their own stuff, ie load their own stuff into the dishwasher and set their own table, and likewise for clothes.
However especially on weekends they can join in with any job really, even putting up shelves they can deal with " please give me 6 screws and 6 wall plugs, one by one". Washing car, well it depends how much you value your paint work! Gardening, yes although they see you weeding then they pull up your plants 😓
Vacuuming we have a small battery vac for small jobs.
We don't really have a specific age for things, more of an ethos of joining in with family jobs and self care. I see it as more like education than time saving, at least initially, but as an investment it's already paying off and it makes me feel less of a slave/servant!