Positive experiences of being an only child or raising one

[Opticianjoe]

I would love to hear some positive experiences from adults who are only children, or from parents of older only children.

I’m at that stage where pregnancy is now or never because of my age, but my DH and I have recently realised that we don’t actually have a strong desire to have another child - we thought it might come, it never has. The only reason we would be considering it is to give our daughter a sibling. I know my own capacity, and I don’t want to make such a big decision based on pressure from other people. We’re getting a lot of comments from family about having another, they basically make out like our child will grow up sad, lonely, or alone as an adult if we don’t. I’m finding it hard not to let that get into my head but at the same time I find this rhetoric really old fashioned, my DD is at school and 5 of her classmates are only children, it’s not that unusual now. My mum and dad are actually the worst - which is odd considering I have two siblings and only (barely) talk to one!!

So I would really love to hear from older only children who have had happy childhoods and have fulfilling lives as adults, or from parents who have seen their only child grow into a happy, well-adjusted adult. I’m looking for reassurance and positive stories, so i would really rather not hear negative experiences (they won’t be helpful as i hear them all the time anyway!!) Thank you!

Only child. I've never missed heading a sibling, never wanted one. You get your parents' undivided attention. I am a sociable person but I am good at entertaining myself.

An unintended side effect is financial - a grandparent passed away, and there was no one else to share the money with, so the inheritance paid for a third of my house. Whereas my great aunt's house is being split 15 ways - not quite such life-changing amounts of money.

Following as in similar conundrum!

I had my only DC at 40 and wasted far too much time worrying he wouldn't have a sibling and be lonely growing up. But I'm lucky that he is happy to be an only. I still worry though, but in a way having one was right for us due to financial reasons and not being in a secure home due to renting.
I posted a thread on One Child Families and the support and positive stories I had from parents of only children and only children themselves was extraordinary ❤️
So I think you and DD will be just fine.

My DD is 15 - I miscarried when she was 2.5yrs old, and she’s remained an only child. Getting pregnant with her and the pregnancy itself were traumatic, so I’m very lucky to have her. Being a single child, she’s always been taking part in our conversations (well, apart from the dog, whom she calls “her little brother” there’s no-one else to talk to!), our plans our generally all aspects of family life. She’s very close to her grandparents (one set lives abroad) and has a really nice group of friends, some of whom are single kids too. She likes going to concerts with me (and friends with their mums), shopping and eating out. She likes going to cinema with her dad and he is our official dad taxi taking her and one of her friends (her parents work hospital shifts) to houseparties and other do’s. All in all - I think she is pretty happy and content. We just get on with it and don’t know any better. Getting our dog when she was 10 was great as he’s very close to her and will lie with her when she’s having a hormonal day. And best thing is….we share clothes :-). And on days when she’s in need of mum cuddles. she’ll ask me to stay with her in her big bed until she falls asleep. Trust me, it’s not always lollipops and rainbows, but for us, it’s a happy place.

I’m an only and love it and I also have an only as we won’t be having anymore as I honestly don’t think I have capacity for another and I’m too old to start again with a baby 😂

Ive lost both parents now and honestly it was so much easier as it was just me and one parent to deal with things and then just me and husband having seen friends go through similar with siblings I’m glad it was just me! And obviously like the poster above what I inherited that mum and dad built up has been life changing for us!

I look at my husband and sister in law and through no big falling out or anything they aren’t very close so having a sibling doesn’t necessarily mean a close relationship!

Even if you have another child , there is no guarantee they will be friends. I have 3 sisters and we are close, but my twin daughters don't like each other. They won't even tolerate each other for family get togethers, i would just enjoy the child you have

I’m an only child and I’ve always loved it and I’ve never craved a sibling.

You will gets lots of mixed responses on here and I don't think they will help OP.

I am mum to an only due to circumstances its not what I would of planned as I really would of loved 1 more DC. However my experience (11.5 years) is very positive. DC is a popular, outgoing child and always on the go so life is full and I feel lucky. He has asked for a sibling...however not with anybody so I doubt it would happen.

I’m an only child and the last thing I would want in my life is a sibling. Then and now. No thanks. My child is an only.

I'm an only, daughter of an only, mother to an only! From my and my mum's experience, it's totally fine. DS is only 4 but doesn't want a sibling so far.

The only thing I'm really aware of is investing in nurturing his friendships as I know it's made a big difference to me that I have close friends I've known all my life so I still have that connection and shared history as we get older, and I count myself very lucky that my mum put effort into maintaining those friendships before I was old enough to do so myself.

Sorry I can beat you on that 😂.

I am an only, my mother is an only as was her father (my grandfather). My child is and only and I married an only 😂.

All of us are very happy being only children. No wishes for a sibling from any of us and all had very well adjusted happy childhoods and are close to each other.

In my social circle only one friend is close to her sibling. All the others have either quite distant (but civil) relationships or can’t stand them.

I have 1ds who is 3. We decided not to have another due to the pregnancy, birth and postpartum having a major impact on me. Even with all that I was desperate to have another to give him a sibling..I used to cry a lot about him being an only child and seeing other kids with brothers and sisters. However I am pleased to say I don't feel that way any more. I suddenly realised that I don't think he could be any happier, his smile and laugh. He loves life. Having a sibling would just be another kind of happiness. My DH has a sister who lives in another country and so don't really even have a relationship. At the moment I am enjoying being his mum and going out in our bikes together etc which I could not do had I had another one. I'm at peace with it now

It's a different life with an only child, but that can be a good thing.

I'm an only child and my DD is 7 and is an only. With my parents, they'd have had a football team if they could but childbirth didnt go well for me or my DM so they didnt have any more. For me, my pregnancy was a car crash so again, we decided it wasnt sensible to do it again.

I had a fabulous childhood and never felt lonely. I have a wonderful relationship with my parents. I hope to give/have the same with DD.

Obviously it's not perfect and there's compromises but the same would be true if we had more so I choose to focus on the positives and try to ensure DD has a good childhood and doesn't feel like she misses out.

I would say my experience of raising one child has been positive. He wasn't the only 'only child' around anyway though most others had at least one sibling.

He had lots of friends, still does, and they all seemed to like coming to our house.

We had fun and the parenting years, baby-teen, were very interesting, and loving.

My son will be forty-seven soon. I do sometimes feel it's sad he has nobody of his own flesh and blood to whom he can be close but he says he's not bothered. He's an independent chap, has a good life and career. When he has any ups and downs he talks to me, has a mutually supportive friendship group.

It is what it is.

For me it was easier to go to work, ie navigating child care and, later, school, with one than more, which was important.

For my husband I think it would have been all the same to him had we had another child but he always did his share and more, was a great dad.

I think I was fortunate to have one child, I've known people who have struggled unsuccessfully to do that.

I am an only as was my mother. I never wanted siblings and had a happy childhood. I've never felt lonely, even though I now live alone and don't really have any close family left.

I don't understand why people overthink this. Some only children will be happy, some might wish they had siblings, some people with siblings don't get on with them. There is no way of knowing how it will turn out so just do what you and your DH feel is right.

Only child myself, raising an only child. Very happy with both. I’ve always had lots of friends and also been contented in my own company. DS is similar. I think the stereotypes around number of children are rubbish, every dynamic is different. If you choose to have one child, try to ignore other people’s projections. It’s your life and your family, nothing to do with anyone else!

This is my experience too. I know very few people who really enjoy the company of their siblings. Most either have very little to do with them, can’t be arsed with them and just do the civil stuff at Christmas etc, or are fully no contact.

I had a happy childhood and I have a fulfilling life as an adult! So does my DH who is also an only.
Honestly OP, I get its a big decision but the angst that onlys are broken empty vessels is slightly dramatic.

We both benefited greatly from the extra time, resource and attention we were given - DH attended private school and I did every club and instrument under the sun. I was very loved and continue to feel that into my late 40's.

As I get older, the only issue has been organising Christmas (as both sets of parents would be alone) and when my Dad had a stroke I felt the loss of someone to share the practical elements of dealing with mum/ driving to a hospital 2h away etc ect.

I do worry about the future a bit but that said, I see friends who have useless siblings who they don't talk to, or who let them take all the parental slack and I think that's possibly worse than it falling to one person due to circumstances. My mum did all the caring for my DGM while her DB did very little & got the glory.

We had two children and our family feels noisy and big, but had we only had one they would have had no family when we were gone, there are no cousins, aunts or uncles. I love being a mum so it was an easy decision for us.

Hi, I am a mum of an only, with fertility issues, and a horrendously high-risk pregnancy. My dc is now a young adult, confident, with friends, and very happy not to have siblings, living their best life .

My dd is an only, she’s 20yo now and has never missed having siblings. She liked not having to share her stuff with anyone snd being able to do whatever clubs she wanted.

She did say she sometimes felt left out when her friends talked about their brothers and sisters. She also missed having a sibling to play with on holidays.

In an ideal world I’d have had 2 but for me it wasn’t meant to be.

I'm an only child and have one child - a teen.
I've always loved it - all through childhood and even now. I've had so much of my parents attention; they've always been fully present.People have commented on my relationship with my parents, saying how lucky I am. We have multiple telephone conversations daily.
Having one child seemed natural as a consequence. I was very sure when leaving the maternity hospital, that I was never repeating that. Nothing traumatic had happened- just an absolute knowing that this was a one time experience.
Dc loves being an only child too. I asked them why a little while back and the response was because of all the attention.
By attention, I don't mean spoilt. I mean how the mental load is more manageable with less juggling. My household is calm and I remember my childhood home being the same.
I think it makes us comfortable with our own company. I don't need people around me like I observe others; although I'm sociable enough when needed. I have lovely friends.
One thing I do note, is that I've always been uncomfortable with communal living. Not a bad thing, but I'm sure it's because of my experience as an only. I like my own space and me time. I don't register this as a negative, but it's a noted character trait.

Thank you so much for all the responses! And I am sorry to those who have suffered loses.

It’s really nice to hear positive stories. When I am in the now I absolutely love having one, it’s the best of both worlds with a lovely family unit but at the same time not being completely lost or overwhelmed in motherhood and still feeling like me (which in turn makes me a better mum!) Honestly if someone gave me a crystal ball and said it would all be okay I don’t even think I would be deliberating but I always worry about her in the future…so thank you again for your positive comments! I suppose I would worry about my kids no matter how many I had!

I am an only child as were both of my parents.
Growing up there was pressure to do well eg exams. They were both quite anxious & passed this to me. Always incredibly supportive.
My childhood was a bit lonely, especially at bedtime!
My DH has many siblings. There appears to be jealousy bubbling most of the time. As an adult I am now happy to be an only one.

I have one dd15. I absolutely love having her. Having one is under rated. Two of my friends have made off the cuff comments that their lives would’ve been better/ easier if they’d stopped at one.
I feel like dh and I have been able to achieve a lot having one and as a consequence of a great career, financially we’re doing well which affords us a lovely life full of holidays, concerts, city trips and other social events. She’s never wanted a sibling and had lots of friends and is always busy with them or her sport (which she plays to a high level). I do feel lucky that she has similar age cousins. Currently on holiday and one of my dsis is in a nearby hotel so we get the best of both worlds- chilling by the pool for a few hours then water parks/ beaches then lovely meals out with family.

We only have 1.
She's 25 and brilliant. She's her own quirky person and, she's told me, wouldn't like to have a sibling.