How do mums cope as the only female in the family?

[Heidielf]

I feel like the topic should be parenting and relationships 🤪.
I’m 44, been married 24 years, 2 x boys age 16 & 8, had brain cancer in between which is why such big age gap to avoid any awk questions….
How do you all of you gorgeous ladies handle being the only female in the family, with little to no help from family members, coping with hormones and work/life dynamics??

Op I know what you mean - 3 sons here, plus male pets (!)
they’re lovely and they are empathetic and do the chores, but it’s still a lot of testosterone!

I have found that our 1 year old female dog has actually been quite a tonic! She is a lovely dog and I kind of feel a real sisterhood with her. Weird but true.

I also do lean into the matriarch persona occasionally now they are older teens ;-)

OP I also think some people have wilfully misunderstood your want for a bit of female support on this thread.

Yea, the patriarchy are out in force answering your thread op. As usual.

Can you explain what you mean by this comment ?

Im the only female in my house. Single Mum, 2 YA sons. They do as much housework as me, none of us do as much as we should. They know if I've got bad period pains/pcos flare up that I need bed and a hot water bottle.

DS1 is more likely to go make-up shopping than me!

Explanation?

I don't cope with that.

My husband does a fair adult share of housework and mental load (we each carry the mental load for our respective wider families, and are schools' primary PoC for one child and secondary for the other). We lived together before we married and had kids; I knew he was capable of adulting and if he wasn't he'd either have become capable or I'd have ended the relationship because living with a manchild wouldn't have been my idea of a happy life. Our kids see domestic tasks being carried out by both mum and dad, so don't seem to find anything weird or demeaning about contributing to the running of the household by doing reasonable and appropriate tasks.

Hormones are just part of the backdrop of family life. We try to be generous to each other, cut each other some slack when we can, and accept that family life is far from perfect and sometimes we interact in ways that aren't great. We don't always manage to maintain harmony, but conflict is short-lived and we're pretty good at apologising and making up afterwards, making amends and trying to do better in future (until the next time). And we accept this pattern of occasional conflict as a normal part of a family life.

I am the only female in our house. I have two adult sons now and my DH. We’ve always been really open with discussing things like periods, menopause etc so kids have been aware of what’s going on. There have been times esp during menopause when I’ve not been myself and life felt really hard. They were all really tolerant and supportive and now we can look back and laugh about things.
We have always been a supportive family to each other so me being female was insignificant really.

respectfully, for many of them they are, whether that’s pcos, endometriosis, ppdd, severe symptoms of perimenopause, rapid physical decline post menopause etc

i don’t agree that a DD would necessarily understand as their personal experiences would be different

Me too.
3 sons and a grandson all living together just me as the female.
Have loads in common with the boys.

I think maybe what OP means is how to maintain a good relationship with sons and maybe you do have to adjust - become interested in things that you wouldnt necessarily do but you could argue that's the same for dads with daughters.

Main thing is that as the children get older you work hard to make sure everyone enjoys family time. Organise thongs to please everyone etc. you don't need extended family for that.

X

You are using the wrong word, why are you saying help? That suggests that you are the default.

You need to start saying that the rest of the family are not doing their share, do not use the word help, it sets the wrong expectation. Start there. And insist on a fair split.

My dh is an equal parent and member of the household so he doesn’t help. He does his share. I have 2 sons and they’re still very young but I know he’ll be making sure they “help”.

Very similar situation to your family here! Plus a male dog! So im certainly outnumbered! Ive taught my boys about periods & womens hormones that make us crazy sometimes. They all muck in (no lazy boys here!) And ive taught them how to respect women & am bringing them up to be amazing husbands one day (as their Dad is)! I do love a house full of boys