My child is not getting easier

[wellwhatdoyou]

This is mainly just a rant.

DD is 3 at the end of this month and I honestly found her easier at one and two.

She used to sleep fairly well - generally waking up once at night but easily resettled. Now she wakes at 5. I really have tried every bit of advice there is. I’ve tried the Gro clock (she ignores it) I’ve tried blackout blinds, I’ve tried white noise, earlier bedtime and later bedtime and naps and no naps and none of it makes any difference. She has a sibling who also went through the 5am stage but they’d stopped by 3. She’s started

She used to be nice. Now … well, she still is, I know but it’s hidden under a lot of behaviour that is just slowly driving me nuts. This morning for instance she wanted a cold drink and I put an ice cube in her water and she kept wanting another ice cube and another and you say no and she ignores you and tries to drag you to the freezer and the only thing that stops her is getting annoyed and then she cries …

She’ll make the same request over and over and over even when you’ve given her the thing she’s asked for ‘mummy I want drink’ sure and go to get a drink and she’s shouting for her drink.

Some days it feels like she barely eats at all, she’s actually had breakfast this morning which feels like a win but lunch and dinner loom.

I guess I am just a bit exhausted and ground down by it. I had hoped for an easier time at 3! Maybe 4 …

Talk to her when she's in a good place and tell her about boundaries. Shout and nobody will listen to her, eat her meal or go hungry until the next one, treat you with respect or you'll walk away. She's playing you like a fiddle because she gets a reaction and you need to take control back. Cuddle her when she's a good girl, ignore her when she's not. Decide what works for you. Good luck 💐

Sounds like you've tried a lot of things. Choose one and stick with it.
Consistency and firm boundaries are key.

I would definitely drop naps. At 3 she probably doesn't need one.

Say no to things and mean it. Yes, she probably will cry and tantrum until she realises 'no' means no, but just ignore it.

If she continues to wake at 5, that's fine, but she needs to learn she stays quietly in her room until you tell her it's morning. Make sure she has some books to look at, or something safe and quiet to do. We had a stair gate across the children's door so they stayed in their room.

She doesn’t nap. It makes no difference to the 5am wake up. Nothing at all does. I am desperate to break it as it sets the day up so badly - it’s now just gone 9 and I’ve been ‘on’ for four hours and am thoroughly fed up. But this is just life at the moment and it is frankly shit!

I couldn’t see why people referred to the terrible twos. Mine were a dream! Then they hit three…. Threenager is absolutely a thing. They’re desperate for a bit of independence but they’re just too young for it!

Holding boy diaries is hard in the moment but gets dramatically easier once they are accustomed to it. Like dog training, really. It’s hard work to begin, and then it’s largely maintenance with the odd spot of fire fighting.

I did find avoiding the actual word “no” helped since they found it a massive trigger (disclaimer: my kids gave since been diagnosed with various Sen). But I still said it, just in different words! And a lot of humour and comic exaggeration to take the sting out of a refusal whilst they get used to it as a concept.

So for the ice thing, I would probably have loudly worried they’d turn into a giant ice cube, and it’s hot weather so then they’d melt, and I’d be sad and miss them, and turn it into a huge joke. Or I’d ask them how they’d stop the I’ve going on the floor and still be able to drink it/whatever reason you have for saying no, and see what they say. Often they’ll change their mind when it’s a true choice with them handling consequences. Or they end up drinking naked in the bath covered in ice cubes. Or you can park ideas for later - “that’s a brilliant idea! Let’s do that after we’ve done xxx!”

Does she behave like this at nursery too or just with you?

i think you have to pick your battles. For food - mine is only 1.5 but we offer a meal, same as we're having but always with either sweetcorn or peas which she likes. We all sit down, and we never say anything about her eating. If she doesn't eat anything, fine, she gets down, if she just eats peas, also fine. if she is hungry an hour later, we go back to the table and she is given the meal again. I genuinely couldn't care less if she eats or not - unless there's a real concern about weight or nutrition then you have to be as nonchalant as you can be. And honestly, it works, most of the time she eats. But still many meals she has nothing. especially at the moment, heat reduces appetite. Do not make it a battle.
What time does she go to bed?
The ice cube thing I'd make it into a game or be silly with it. Kids love play, and why should she understand she can't have another one?

Thanks. She’s fine at preschool. I’d probably find her a lot easier if I was getting sleep myself. I hope she doesn’t continue it indefinitely but it isn’t looking hopeful.

There’s the terrible twos but haven't yo heard of the f@&£ing threes…?!

Why are you not getting sleep, do they wake up about in the night? 3 is a hard age, some go through it earlier and some later. My dd was difficult right through her 2s and 3s, and now at age 6 still isn’t much easier but she is referred for ADHD and ASD. My friends children all leveled out around age 4 so hopefully it’ll be short phase for you.

What time are you going to bed? 5 am won't feel so bad if you're going to bed at a reasonable time.

Tbh, in this heat 1 ice cube is a bit stingy...how many did she want?

Eating - is it new or ongoing? In this heat I'm finding it really hard to be interested in food. If she's not eating normal food and just wants treats, that's a bit different from just not being hungry.

If she's asking for a drink after you've given her a drink could it be because you've given her what she thinks is the 'wrong' drink? ie she wants milk and you gave her water? Alternatively at 3 it might just be that nothing you do is right!

Definitely go to bed earlier yourself, you'll soon be completely exhausted and irritable otherwise.

5am will always feel bad. I’m partly joking but in all seriousness it isn’t just the time, it just seems to make the day last forever.
I appreciate the replies but I’m venting more than anything.

Vent all you like! But also know what's normal developmentally, and I'd throw away the expectation that children get 'easier' in a linear way. And be asleep by 10pm...

Please don’t patronise; it’s really unhelpful.

What would be helpful?

I’m sorry for being grouchy but being told to go to bed before a particular time was very jarring, especially given 10 is a late night (and this impacts my evening considerably.)

All kids are different, but I found the “three-nager” stage challenging. They can talk, they know their own mind, but they are still massively self centred and not very rationale. If I’d been waking up at 5am as well I would have been shattered too. I know it’s not very comforting when you are in the midst of it, but probably by age 4 things will be a lot better.

No real suggestions I’m afraid as you seem to have tried all the key stuff. I say this with some reluctance because screens cause their own problems, but a bit of limited screen time to allow you to snatch a nap during the day might help? Eg we used to let our 3 year old watch a couple of episodes of Bluey on TV on the weekend as a weekend treat while the baby had an afternoon nap and one of us would nap on the couch in the same room.

I am fully with you @wellwhatdoyou. It doesn't matter what time you go to bed, continuous 5am wakeups with a child that is "on" from the moment their eyes open will always be exhausting. DS is 6 now and I've managed to get mornings to start at 7am but that's because, for my sins, he sleeps in my bed every single night. Bed time is late for a six year old (between 9 and 10) but if it isn't he takes a million years to fall asleep and is up at 5 fucking am. Not worth it.

The saving grace is that at some point you'll be able to reason with her but for now, just remember, most 3 year old are mini dictators and it's a really hard age to slog through.

3 is awful. It gets easier at 5 I hear. I would not be expecting things to be easier at 3, they turn into actual demons. 5am is also horrible I feel for you. Is she able to watch tv for an hour or so on her own while you go back to bed or nap on the sofa?

I get it, my youngest is 7 and has never slept past 5am in his life, and doesn’t go to sleep until 10pm (he’s profoundly autistic). Humans are hard wired to try and help, when sometimes people are just looking to vent.

Thanks. Sorry for my grouchy reply. It’s a tough age. Constantly feel I’m doing a bad job and second guessing myself. It is hard going to bed at 9 every night; have no evening. And I hate the long mornings.

You probably wont like my reply but here goes...
Any requests like " mummy I want a drink"and then shouting
"Cant hear you ask nicely"
"Please can I have a drink" and she repeats it
We dont shout at each other in this family

Never too early to learn manners

This happened to my DD too. I found the terrible 2s much easier. She is 6 now and honestly sooo easy. I think its definitely a developmental leap and the three-nager stage (it will pass eventually!)

Is there anything that's changed? Has she moved up rooms in nursery? New sibling? Potty training? Moved into a big bed? I found DD had a lot of changes at this age and started having nightmares. I found Dr Siggie on Instagram a really big help for how to deal with the behaviour.

I dont have any advice for sleep as my DD is an early riser. Consistency is key!

Thank you.

SHE SLEPT UNTIL 640 🥳

Honestly feel amazing. That used to be normal. I really hope it wasn’t a blip.