My child is not getting easier

[wellwhatdoyou]

This is mainly just a rant.

DD is 3 at the end of this month and I honestly found her easier at one and two.

She used to sleep fairly well - generally waking up once at night but easily resettled. Now she wakes at 5. I really have tried every bit of advice there is. I’ve tried the Gro clock (she ignores it) I’ve tried blackout blinds, I’ve tried white noise, earlier bedtime and later bedtime and naps and no naps and none of it makes any difference. She has a sibling who also went through the 5am stage but they’d stopped by 3. She’s started

She used to be nice. Now … well, she still is, I know but it’s hidden under a lot of behaviour that is just slowly driving me nuts. This morning for instance she wanted a cold drink and I put an ice cube in her water and she kept wanting another ice cube and another and you say no and she ignores you and tries to drag you to the freezer and the only thing that stops her is getting annoyed and then she cries …

She’ll make the same request over and over and over even when you’ve given her the thing she’s asked for ‘mummy I want drink’ sure and go to get a drink and she’s shouting for her drink.

Some days it feels like she barely eats at all, she’s actually had breakfast this morning which feels like a win but lunch and dinner loom.

I guess I am just a bit exhausted and ground down by it. I had hoped for an easier time at 3! Maybe 4 …

My three year old is a bit unbearable at the minute, in the thick of her being a threenager and she’s got a new baby sibling to contend with. We’re trying our best to take every day as it comes with her, when she’s having a good day she is a joy to be around and is actually very good company but when she’s in a mood it’s awful. I’m lucky that I have close friends who have kids the same age and their kids are just as bad, which makes me feel better!!!

Just before she turned 3 my DD turned HORRID. Now she's nearly 3.5 and it's clear that it was just a nasty growth spurt. Don't get me wrong, her sleep is still a bit wonky. And tantrums still happen. But they don't last nearly as long. And she's saying please and thank you a lot more. You will get there!

As a parent of 2 DC with low sleep needs I feel your pain! I also solo parent (not sure if you do or not) so yeah early starts are the worst as the day is just soooooo long! I'm not diagnosing over the Internet, just explaining my situation, both mine are SEN and my youngest DC is the "worst" in that he functions on what feels like zero sleep! Both mine are medicated (melatonin) which helps them go to sleep but doesn't always keep them asleep, my eldest now 11 is much better sleeping now so I'm hoping the 6yr old eventually gets there 🤞🏻 i have a baby gate on the youngests room and at times when he wakes ridiculously early I give him his tablet and go back to bed. He plays with his toys, reads his books, goes on his tablet and I know he's safely 'contained' in his room whilst I grab a bit more sleep in my room next door. I'm sure I'll get some negative comments from the vipers but they don't live my life and if they did they would do the same or they'd soon find themselves completely unable to function! I don't know if a similar set up would work for you or not but I just wanted to say I hear you and it's soul destroying, you can move mountains when you've had a decent sleep but when you are running on empty even the smallest issue becomes huge, I hope you find a way to either get DC to love sleep before the teenage years and/or you find a way to get enough sleep yourself. PM if you ever need a rant x

I found age 3 the hardest to deal with. At 2 and 4 both my boys were (mostly) lovely. But 3?! Yikes. That seems to be the age they really like to challenge everything and test boundaries. And I think mums get the brunt of it as you are their 'safe space' and they feel most secure with you. And that's a mantra I used to say to myself on many occasions! I found giving them choices (e.g. you can have 'A' or 'B' rather than open ended) helpful to an extent. Hoping you get some respite soon!

I feel for you. I had one of those and it was brutal. I’d suggest creating a bit more of a routine and building in some quiet time for yourself. If she doesn’t wear out easily include some outdoor activities where she can run around so she will be tired and engage in more restful activities. Use TV strategically as well if you need it.

Even of she does wake at 5am you could make the first part of the day just staying in bed looking through books and doing activities in bed.

Mum of 4 here, youngest is 2, he has health needs, never slept more than 3 hours, I've been "on" since 4 today. I totally hear you, early mornings are an absolute killer. Make sure you're going to bed early enough, I know it's shit to have to change your routine but your LO needs a happy well rested mummy. Try waking up and telling yourself you slept great and you're going to have a good day even if you didn't..

It sounds like you might be "survival mode" parenting, try spending time with your daughter without distractions like phones/tvs. Try to reconnect to the present physical moment as often as you can, it helps you keep base with what's important, I leave my phone down till DS4 is having his morning nap. It's made a huge difference to mornings.

Don't react to tantrums. No means no and stick to it. Pick a method and stay consistent. You've got this mama. We're all fighting our own battles. But grounding yourself here and bringing yourself back to the present will bring you out of "survival" parenting x

Lots of sympathy @wellwhatdoyou when you have a difficult one & the world seems to be full of easy ones, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel!

Been there & now 10 years on. Some advice - but my advice on the advice is ALWAYS to only take what works for you, leave the rest with merry abandon & don't take anything that doesn't work as a criticism if you - you don't need to carry that as added pressure, just walk away from it!

1. Every human being is different. You are different, your child is different, you are a unique pairing on the planet and what works for anybody else won't necessarily work for you, so you have to find your own path together.
2. That said, children generally do better with some boundaries & knowing where the edges of the envelope are. Even ones that are neurodevelopmentally different (and that's a comment on my family, not yours!) need to understand that rubbing along in society requires some rules & behaviours to get by & be "acceptable" ((EVEN when some of them are undeniably stupid rules - see specific pen colours for certain work at school, not taking a blazer off until a teacher has said you're allowed etc etc - there's plenty of those to navigate in the years ahead too!))
3. If you threaten something, mean it! So don't go nuclear with 'if you don't put the toy in the box/stop shouting for an icecube you can't go to X's party at the weekend'. But when you have a quiet day at home with enough of your tether left, do have a go at 'I'm not going to do what you asked if you shout at me/don't say please'. And then be prepared for them to tantrum themselves into a soggy mess for 40 minutes and 'the thing' not to happen. But talk about it afterwards & let them know that you've now set a baseline for behaviour. At Friday after school playdates, there were a number of occasions I extracted a child over my shoulder - either for a 'if you don't stop doing that, we're going' warning, of for a 'we're leaving in 5 minutes, this is your countdown that we'll go' melto when 5 minutes had happened. If you choose your battles, there's a better chance they will pay attention to proper safety rules as they grown up if you're not just making a billion little rules for the sake of it, but you stick to your guns & do what you say you'll do on the big ones that are most important to you.
4. The 2 basic rules of "kind words" and "gentle hands" (and also "drink lots for sparkly eyes") are ones the pre-school mine went to used all the time, and we adopted, and still say between ourselves now as a bit of an inside joke - but they hold up!
5. This too shall pass! It really will. Our youngest was a terrible early waker but we insisted on not starting the day before 6.30. So if they came into our room, it had to be head on pillow & quiet til then regardless. And then at a bit older (4 nearly 5?) I had the conversation "the reason Mummy is grumpy and not able to do everything you want to do today is because Mummy has had no sleep because there were 3 in the bed from 2am....if you stop coming into our bed every time you wake up & stay in YOUR bed to go to sleep, Mummy will be in much better shape in the daytime! You can always come to us if you have a nightmare, but just waking up is something you need to learn to do as a big girl in your own bed." Also see 1. I'm not suggesting this would work for every child, and it has to be at the right age, but they are capable of processing cause-and-effect, if you pitch it at the right level at the right age.

Hang in there, don't beat yourself up, do find some edges to the envelope that work for the pair of you so you don't have a completely untamed horror to deal with as they grow, do keep 1 in mind - your envelope might be much bigger than the little Angel at playground & that's ok.