Do you say no to your child?

[Nix32]

After visiting another family (in a professional capacity) where the 3 year old child was aggressive and physical, and it was not addressed by the parents - in fact, it was a source of amusement - I’m trying hard to understand why some parents think this is ok.

Parents were open about the fact that if they say no, he cries, so they give him whatever he wants. They couldn’t see that this is a problem.

Can you help me understand?

That’s not gentle parenting. That’s just normal intelligent parenting. Glad there is some people still doing it 👌🏼.

I also shoot down whining instantly but that ain't gentle parenting.

Gentle parenting (as commonly practised) is long waffly explanations, being ruled by "feelings", sweet tones of voice, condoning pre-schoolers' violence because it's "developmentally normal", etc.

If it didn't affect anyone else then that's fine and I'll MMOB. But it does. It affects my children when the gently-parented children around them hit, push, or snatch things off my children. I'm so done with it

My dc are in their twenties now, so I’ve talked to them about this, lol. They both say that they could tell which ‘No’ I meant by the way I said it, whether it was a negotiating moment or whether it was a hard no! I do think you need to teach your children negotiating, so a no can be changed with them giving a reasoned argument.
As they got older I would justify my hard no’s, with a valid explanation if they asked.

My babies were never left to cry it out. My children regularly hear 'no'. Being responsive and nurturing parent to a baby does not lead to passive/lazy parenting to older children.

I never understood 'yes' parenting or 'gentle' parenting. Surely a parents job is to prepare their child for the outside world, if they don't use the word 'no' or don't tell them off when they misbehave how are they going to understand at school when they are told off or told 'no' by a teacher or another child. All you seem to hear about is parents who adopt these ideas and their children are out of control.

I have older teenagers.

Regardless of the actual words used, the parents I know who allowed their children to lead their households have not end up with happy, independent and resilient children.

The first time I said "No" to my child was a joyous occasion, it made me happy because it's such a normal thing to say to a child from time to time and it made our lives feel more normal. He is profoundly disabled and, until recently, unable to move independently. He has however discovered the joy of rolling and can now manoeuvre himself to a position where he can kick the cupboard doors which spring open, he thinks it's hilarious but he's also blind so is at risk of hurting himself on the open doors as he can't see them.

Oh bless @Seawolves❤️

My DC hear the word no occasionally but I usually just explain my thinking, not to justify but so they learn and will be able to make sensible decisions. So me take on things comes out of a conversation not a simple sharp no. They don't get to have their own way always tough.

My youngest is 9 and it seems like a lot of younger kids aren't used to waiting their turn, sharing or just getting on with playing and working together. I think many are being introduced to tablets and social media way too young, and it's definitely having an impact on attention spans.

I say no regularly. I often follow it up with an explanation if I feel it's needed but often it's just a straight up no.

I find a less direct response is seen as a starting point for negotiations, whereas no is accepted as meaning no.

You won’t get any helpful responses on here, OP. This is Mumsnet where everyone is entirely in control of their kids with just a look, and anyone who’s not so on top of it is entirely feckless.

If you never say no a child will end up being a complete brat. Of course you must say no to children. The world is brutal to bratty people.