How can I stop my 9 year old staying up too late?

[Phonicshaskilledmeoff]

I have a 9 year old who is very easily distracted and has what you may describe as adhd traits. Her room is on the top floor of 3 stories. Never had an issue with her going to bed. However lately she’s taken to reading just before sleep - and sometimes other things like crafting etc. I don’t mind her reading for a half hour at all, but she’s ready much later into the night and she’s often exhausted the next day. I mostly don’t realise she’s still up. Shy of checking on her every 5 mins (becuase she here’s me coming anyway) what can I do!?

If she's anything like I was at that age then nothing really. If she's genuinely not tired and is just quietly reading or whatever then I'd leave her to it. She sounds like a night owl. I was the same at that age and lying in bed wide awake used to drive me insane😅

Slightly depends on what time she’s off to bed and what time she’s staying up to. I’d be ok with the reading and not so much the crafting as that seems more a stimulating activity. The only way to know though is to go up and check at the point that is “definitely too late” in your books

I think crafting is different too and I’d maybe look at bringing her crafting items downstairs?

If she has ADHD traits, is she getting plenty of exercise during the day? Things like a weighted blanket at night, a high protein breakfast and high protein snacks should all help and have you tried introducing her to meditation yet?

Yes; this was me as a child too. I used to be awake and reading for hours and hours, and sometimes playing with small toys. I honestly don’t think there’s anything you can do about it. Even if I was left listening to an audiobook I used to sit up and play with things while I was listening.

she is doing something quiet and relaxing, this will help her unwind before sleep. Leave her alone!

Just make sure she doesn’t have access to a torch so that she can read under the covers once it get dark, or to hide from your checks

that was me

I used to lie in bed reading with a torch for hours. My mum would tell me when it was very late, but often I’d just carry on.

You can get light bulbs that can be controlled with an app. Tell her what time the lights are going off and make sure she doesn’t have a torch or phone. Although before going that far, you can obviously agree a lights off time and see if she sticks to it. Rewards for following the rules?

Similar here, and the same thing applies to sleep as to food. You can provide a time, place and equipment for either, but you can't make your child actually eat/sleep.

What time are you sending her to bed?

I used to read until late too, my DD would come to bed 11-12 o’clock and find me still reading and make me switch everything off! Make sure she’s not reading under the covers with a torch, I ruined my eyes doing that

i would leave her if she’s crafting.

if she was watching tv/ipad then it would be different.

Oh this is really sweet. I'd be pleased she's doing quiet, brain calming activities. She's not on a screen, she's not making a racket. In fact, she's doing what I tell my daughter of a similar age to do if she's not tired!
Do you need to make her nod off? You can't force it I suppose.

You don’t stop the activities, because it will be impossible to police.

• But you clear out the room of too many distractions. Curate the craft box to the essentials etc
• You bring bedtime forward a bit. So instead of her going to bed at 8pm and then she’s crafting and reading for two hours. Bring it forward to 7, so she can still mill about for a couple of hours before she goes to sleep. Just factor in the craft time and work your way back to what time she needs to go to and at.
• Make sure there is a nightly bath, black out curtains

8.15-8.30ish. I don’t mind her reading at all but the expectation is that she’s asleep at 9. But I regularly find her still up at 11. She desperately needs the sleep- she doesn’t sleep in past 7.30 and is very narky and struggles to concentrate or remember things. If I check on her - she pretends anyway! She went through a bout of this when she was 6/7 and we ended up putting the baby camera in her room which worked a treat. But feels a bit too intrusive at 9!

11 is just too late though. Don’t mind at all til 9ish. She does it til she literally can’t keep her eyes open.

Get smart hulls, remove her crafting stuff, and check up on her.

What time is bedtime? She might not be tired when she's sent up, but then gets engrossed on the book or activity and stays up beyond her natural tired time.

She definitely is a night owl - she gets a burst of energy at bed time. I used to be too when younger - most of my school work was down at midnight! Problem is she doesn’t sleep in either and is very narky!

Turn the lights off at source and make sure no torch. Move her room down a floor or two?

Sorry , cross posted about the bedtime.

Could she stay up with you reading until 9 and then have a strict lights out rule, with soothing meditation/ sleepy time music or sounds on a device like an alexa in her room.

You can control smart bulbs and the device with your phone.

The burst of energy at bedtime is transition anxiety. It's not genuine energy, but adrenaline.

Melatonin might help a lot, or magnesium glycine. I realise the British have been told givng melatonin is like feeding your child.poison though.

I’ve heard about melatonin. You can’t get over the counter here. Lots of people have mentioned magnesium so I should give it a try

Maybe that’s a plan actually. Stay downstairs in the other room having a read, then bedroom is strictly a sleep only zone. might have to remove all belongings though 🤦‍♀️

She does need her nightlight though. Not sure what you mean by source.

She has spotlights so I’m not sure we can do the special bulbs others have spoken about

I like the idea of smart bulbs, but not sure you can do with spotlights unfortunately