DS’s obsession with his Willy!

[somanychristmaslights]

He’s always got his hand down his pants if sat on the sofa. What is it with boys and their bits?! He’s only 8 🤦🏻‍♀️

Does the rest of his family play with their bits in the living room? Where does he get the idea from and who’s telling him that the living room isn’t the right place?

He'll grow out of it ... at age 75

We have an 8yo boy who is exactly the same. Also when we are out and about, if he needs a wee, he will hold his Willy - usually whilst insisting that he doesn’t need a wee. We tell him this isn’t ok all the time, like a stuck record, and he will stop in the moment and then start up again. Any advice gratefully received!!!

Quite normal. My 8 year old DS is utterly obsessed with his willy.

Glad it’s not just mine then. My DH says it’s just a comfort thing. I said I don’t sit there squeezing my boobs! 🤣

I find it awful to be honest. He went to my SIL house and she complained to me afterwards that he said on her sofa with his hand down his pants playing with his Willy, so it’s not just at home where he’s comfortable… this morning he played a football match with friends and was running around holding onto it..! I really don’t know what to do.

Think you need to introduce some boundaries in your house?

Really surprised you've let him get to 8 thinking this is acceptable.

I’d forgotten about this phase. Totally normal. They grow out of it.

Just tell him it’s not appropriate in front of other people.

I don't find this normal at all, really odd that anyone does!

It’s normal to want to do it but they need to learn that’s it’s not something you do in public. I just used to say they’re called privates for a reason!

I don’t have this problem in my house, because from toddlerhood my kids have been taught that if you want to touch your privates (for any reason) then you go to the bathroom or your bedroom to do so in private. A comforting rummage - in private. A good old itch and scratch - in private. A check to see if they’re still attached - in private.

I see men all the time on trains and benches with their hands down their pants or rummaging deeply in tracksuit pockets. It’s disgusting. They should have been taught when they were small that it’s not ok to do this where there are other people.

You need to be very firm that it's fine to do that but in private. Remind him every single time. It is normal to have to teach kids boundaries.

Ds22 still does it...

You need to teach them it something they only do in private. Entirely inappropriate at 8yrs old to be touching your bits in public.

Lots of girls - and indeed some grown women - will routinely play with their hair and keep touching it all the time as a comfort/nervous thing.

It's just that hair isn't seen as a remotely private or rude part of the body; whereas willies are!

It’s the hygiene I would worry about. So after he’s fiddled with that, what is he touching and spreading urine and other dubious bacteria on? The tv remote? Food? Furniture?

Don't any of you expect your dc to wash their hands after they’ve touched their genitalia? I’m sure if you made him wash his hands after each and every time he’d soon learn.

Me too.

And I grew up with two brothers and now have two boys.

8 year olds haven’t yet developed the capacity to consistently monitor themselves from an external viewpoint, and the self management skills to override impulse.

It’s not a sinister sexual deviancy, just part of the psychological development process.

You may not just squeeze them repeatedly for no reason; but it's not uncommon to occasionally 'adjust' them in your bra (albeit most women do so discreetly).

Boys could be doing the same with their genitals - if they get sweaty and stick in an awkward position or fall where they shouldn't; although it could well be habitual or for any other reason too.

Not that the former is socially expedient, but I suppose young kids frequently do a lot of things that aren't approved in polite society!

Why didn't you correct this as a toddler?

And yet weirdly 8 year old girls don't sit around with their hands down their pants...

8 is too old for this. My DS went through a short phase around 3/4 but it's your job to explain what is acceptable without making them feel bad

I have certainly known girls do this too,it's not specific to boys.

It's not as easy as just "correcting it". Habits like this are sensory-seeking behaviour, like nail-biting, thumb-sucking, skin-picking, pen-chewing etc. It's on the ND spectrum, which is not to say your DS is ND exactly, but it's just a kind of mild brain quirk.

He probably does it without realising, so it's hard for him to stop, although as he gets older he will definitely try, and very likely succeed when he has more self-awareness.