Evenings with a three-month-old feel chaotic when my husband gets home

[Eggplant19]

Baby is 3 months old and whilst we’re in somewhat of a routine … it’s just absolute chaos when my husband comes through the door. It’s eat (baby will very recently lie contrntky awake in his bassinet whilst we eat) but sometimes we have to take it in turns to eat whilst babe is held. Then it’s clean up the kitchen (usually me which I’m happy to because husband holds the baby as he’s been at work all day. Then I jump in shower, then we BOTH bathe him, then I breastfeed to sleep. But often it’s a combination of rocking and breastfeeding which can take up to 90 mins for him to settle sometimes.

my husband usually helps with the rocking and then passes him to feed but recently he’s been doing a 20 min workout with the weights… and I’m just a bit… jealous maybe? I’m glad he is. He says I can go on a 20 min run whilst he holds the baby but realistically I just don’t see how it’s possible when we’re trying to fit everything else in! I’ve read that babies need an earlier bedtime but at the mo he’s not going to bed until 10pm (he has 4 naps a day)

added to the fact he only co-sleeps because he’s not easy to transfer at all I just feel like evenings are completely bonkers! The only option is to maybe literally move closer to husbands work so he doesn’t come home at 7:00 but even then it might only cut it by half an hour….

is this normal and just apart of parenthood? Maybe it’s just the life adjustment

Pretty normal at this age. 3 months is still.trying to get to grips with things, and you can't force an earlier bedtime or any routine just yet- they are only just figuring out night and day! :)

He baths the baby while you clean up?

Totally normal. You are the main carer at the moment and men are sh1t. Mine couldn’t even cook nutritious meals for me during the newborn stages. He carried on going to the pub after work. Nothing changed for him.

Oh yes I’m not worried about an earlier bed time as he doesn’t lie down to sleep yet so he has to go to bed when we do which I feel bad about but I guess it’s normal?

Yes we could do this! At the mo I hold baby in the bath whilst I’m in it and husband cotton wools and wipes him… probably unnecessary

Absolutely normal. I don't think the work out with weights is appropriate or fair at this stage. He should be bathing the baby while you sort out the kitchen, or vice versa. Babies do breast feed longer and more frequently at 3 months - they have to to increase your milk supply, so it is important to give them time to do this. A 20 minute run for you at this stage is ridiculous too. You should be doing your post natal and pelvic floor exercises, feeding the baby and getting enough food and sleep.

Oh cripes! Thankfully he’s not going to the pub after work and he was amazing during the very short 2 weeks paternity leave and does cook dinner on weekends BUT same, I can’t help but feel his life has unchanged. It’s very easy for him to rock the baby and within 2 mins of baby crying he goes ‘he’s hungry’ and passes him back… LOL

I think it is completely normal for a 3 month old not to settle until later in the evening. They might be ready for an earlier bedtime when they are a bit older (though not all will go down as early as 7pm). Around that age with my second child we would just keep him downstairs with us until I was ready to go to bed - he’d be doing a mix of feeding, sleeping on me, sleeping on partner and occasionally sleeping in bassinet. This stage feels really long when you are in it for the first time, but in another 6 months it will probably be a lot closer to the kind of routine you envision

So glad I was a single mum ( although to be fair also a nanny).
Food, bath, song feed, bed , feed ,nap up with me at 6am for work
Seamless

Oh good! An earlier bed time just seems impossible anyway because we don’t eat dinner until 7:00 when my husband is ho
e. Of course I could eat without him but I think eating together is still important.

Sounds normal, it will get easier as baby gets older. Although may not be for some time as my DC3 is 1.5 and bed time still often takes an hour or so and often doesn't go to bed until 9ish. So evenings are often still chaos but I think that's just family life sometimes, goes with the territory. Other nights are easier of course, it's ups and downs.

I think it's pretty normal for that stage, but stages change quickly so it won't be forever! I remember with our first he was going to bed at the same time as us as I spent most of the evening just feeding him to sleep and holding him on the sofa. I do remember being happy doing that as it was the first series of Big Brother when everyone was into it, so I wasn't bothered that I was just sitting there. I think we used to share holding him.
I used to eat my dinner with one hand whilst holding the baby and we did both give him a bath. Sometimes I'd go and have a bath and read a book while dh looked after him. I don't remember who cooked and cleared up.
i think it's ok for him to do weights for 20 mins, it's not a long time and you can do something for yourself if you want to.

My baby is 3 months old and evenings for us are pretty much along these lines.

My husband gets in from work about 5pm, if I’ve had the chance I may have prepped or pre made dinner, if not whoever isn’t holding the baby will do it.

Sometimes we can transfer baby to his snooze pod and he’ll sleep there on the sofa whilst we both eat together, other times he’s asleep on one of us so that person just eats on the sofa, other times baby is awake and needs holding so we take it in turns to eat.

When baby has been fed by me and I know won’t be needing me for a while I go upstairs and shower and have some time to myself whilst my husband has some quality time with the baby.

Once he’s feeding again my husband sometimes works out or goes for a run.

Bath time for us is around 8/8.30 however he isn’t bathed every night and this is something my husband does with him so I either shower during this time if I haven’t already had the chance to or I just do a bit of tidying or lie on my bed on my phone!

last feed for us is around 9/9.30 and then he’s in his next to me for the night. A later bedtime works for us and we just sort of fell into that habit. Some nights it can be pushing 10pm by the time I’m settling him, it all just depends on timings from when he last woke up etc.

I don’t stick to schedules, my baby sleeps when he wants to for as long as he wants to.

It sounds normal to me. As annoying as it is when people say it, it does pass. I think you should take your husband up on that 20 minutes though, could you go out for a walk while he gives the baby a bath? Even that little bit of time away used to really help me. And it's good for you all for your husband to have the baby by himself for blocks of time. Good luck, you are doing great.

Yes this sounds pretty much the same - I’m glad to know the later ‘bed time’ is normal!

I started out trying to put him down for the magical 7pm that’s recommended everywhere but it just didn’t work for us so I changed it.

As I’m exclusively breast feeding a lot more of the care for him does fall to me and I’m ok with that and accept that it won’t be forever.

My husband does however make up for that by taking over the housework or dog duties whilst I’m trapped feeding and he does make a conscious effort to encourage me to escape upstairs for alone time whenever there’s a window.

Why are you in the bath with him (is that right?) rather than him being held in the bath? Or use a baby bath? Or keep it shallow and lie the baby in the water? You’re making life a bit hard for yourself! A 3m old also doesn’t need a bath every night, but if you do want to do one for the love of god stop making it a two person job no wonder your evenings feel mental!

I agree with everyone who’s said this is very normal. We have been sold a lie that babies can be put to bed at 7, drowsy but awake, and fall asleep by themselves. It’s nonsense.

At 12 weeks there’s a growth spurt that means your baby will be extra fussy and want to feed more, it doesn’t last long and all you need to do is feed responsively and you’ll find things settle into a more predictable rhythm soon. Don’t worry about ‘bedtime’ just let baby nap in your arms, and then go to bed together around 10-ish. You are unlikely to be able to put baby to bed and leave them much before 8 months or so. Just keep sharing the contact naps and you can have hands free time whilst dad does a shift.

I agree with previous poster about bath time not being needed every night and also not being a two person job. Anything that can be a one person job should be and the other person should either be doing house admin like tidying or making dinner etc or having their designated free time.

clear communication is key as well. When my husband gets in from work I’ll update him on what I’ve been able to achieve without him there and state what still needs doing. We’ll talk about a plan, “You do X and I’ll do Y and then we’ll have time to do Z.”

3 months was chaos with my first baby. With the second though she was just sort of fed and put down whilst we sorted the toddler out by which time she’d got herself to sleep! We looked back and wondered why we struggled so much with one but most people do. For us bathing them earlier in the day helped so bedtime wasn’t such a rush. It takes ages to find your way and once you do they drop a nap and you have to re-jig all over again. Babies and toddlers are constantly changing their routines and naps and feeding times. Just when you think you’ve cracked it, boom, there’s another big change!

Can you put baby in a bouncy chair or moving one while you eat ? I used to do this so he was with us in the room . I also made the mistake of thinking he had to be bathed every night . Dried out his skin too much as well . Breastfeeding is wonderful but it is also very demanding on the mother . At this stage I did mixed feeding , expressed so father could give a bottle and topped up with a little formula if necessary .

I vividly remember the time when my DS was 3 months. All the rocking and breastfeeding here too. But mostly realising how fundamentally my life changed and how little DH's life changed. Sorry to say 2 years on it's the same. Sure, he has less sleep and evenings are less relaxing, but his life is mostly the same and pretty easy (in comparison to mine). Other women warn you about it but you think you have a good one and it can't possibly happen to you. He can do a workout because mentally, he's literally only holding the baby for 20 minutes or so before he goes to exercise. He's not carrying the mountain of responsibilities that you are. So he can be very blasé about it.

Sounds very normal and not even much different from life with school aged children. It's always the same routine, once back from school it's just a mad rush of cooking, eating, cleaning up, kids bath (+ hairwash), and bed time. I think that's just life with kids 😂

Normal for babies that age to go to bed when you do, as pp's have said.

All very normal. All of these stages feel like forever atm, but will pass like London buses. There are so many of them.

It’s surely just the run of the mill jobs with a child?
Where’s the chaos? You eat dinner, clean the kitchen, bathe and settle the baby to bed! Am I missing something?
Why would this make you consider moving house??