If you have a daughter at secondary school

[Fliper72]

What sport/extra curricular are you really pleased they took up in primary?

DD is 6 and currently does piano/music/acro/tumbling/swimming. It's a lot, and but I'm also wondering whether she should branch out to try different things. I'm not anticipating that she competes at the Olympics or becomes a professional musician, but I would really like her to find something that continues to give her joy (and keeps her off her phone) as she gets older. I think she'd be open to trying new things: at the moment, other than a passion for cartwheels, she mainly doesn't really mind what she does so long as she has a friend in the class.

My dd has continued with swimming. She now trains with a club 6 times a week. Keeps her fit both mentally and physically. She’s met great friends and she’s with like minded and dedicated teens. She does do netball in school but doesn’t love it.

That’s a lot for a six-year-old.
Mine did ballet, musical instrument and Brownies, but only started these aged about eight. When younger she did gymnastics and swimming.

Performing arts. It has given both of my dds a huge sense of confidence, eloquence and diction. The ability to take risks and a real core group of friends outside of school who know how to rely on each other, which is priceless.

Netball. Played at school and then in a club. Would probably do the same with cricket these days as it’s becoming more widespread and can be played into adulthood.

Remember that six is still very young to be doing lots of extracurriculars….

But mine joined a football team at around nine. She loves it, trains one evening a week with matches and tournaments at weekends. It means that she has a set of friends separate to school and eased the transition to secondary as she had a whole set of other kids she could hang out with in addition to her friends from primary school.

Guides (she started at Rainbows at 5ish and progressed through Brownies) had a similar effect, and let her stay in touch with primary school friends that went to different secondaries.

My older DD did football and carried it right through to playing for the women's team until she left home. She did want to join a team when she moved away, but unfortunately didn't find the sweet-spot between extremely competitive training three times per week and really serious about matches or a very casual kick around which got called off for low attendance most weeks.

Still she played for fifteen uninterrupted years and it took her through phases of school friendship issues and all the other teen stuff and yes, got her outside several times per week. During lockdown they had virtual training (she was towards late teens) and that's what got her into running - she now does marathons.

She and one of my boys kept certain friendships going from reception age into early 20s (and hopefully beyond) through football despite all going to different secondary (and even primary) schools and different routes after school. A team sport very locally can do that in the way my other kids' individual hobbies didn't.

Not everyone suits team sports - not all mine did - but if they do then a team is/ can be something special.

What does she love? Honestly, there is no one answer. I would let her choose something she enjoys that is affordable and you’ll be able to get her to. Will you always be home to drive her somewhere at 4:30, for example?

My dd does trampolining, but she only started that at maybe 10/11. At 6, she did a riding lesson once a week, but never really took to it, and then COVID stopped that anyway. She did cubs and scouts for a few years (which was great) and only quit because after like 4 years the sessions got a bit same-y. The trampolining was totally coincidental. A friend started going and asked if she wanted to come too. She now competes nationally and coaches.

I don’t think it has to be a sport, but I think it’s important for them to go into secondary with a passion for something that keeps them busy. The ones who have that have done well and stayed out of trouble. The ones who don’t have drifted into vaping and drinking in the park quite quickly.

I don’t think you have to find anything at 6 though. Neither of mine had interests at 6 that they continued long term. But whatever it is, it has to be something you can actually facilitate. I currently spend a lot of time taxiing around during the years when usually parents aren’t around as much after school because their dc are more independent.

Netball

Nothing really. DCs have dropped some things, picked up others.

Novelty is a good motivator - they seek out new experiences as they are constantly reinventing themselves in adolescence. Part of that is leaving behind the things they feel they've grown out of, and that's OK, too.

It’s all going to depend on the type of person.

For our DD she is a singer and that’s a huge part of her identity.

She started with piano as a good musical base. And then loved her musical theatre classes and started classical singing lessons age 10/11.

Now the singing is #1 (although still loves acting and dancing) and for her it means she’s always in the school productions, is in multiple choirs, a lot of shows and events. Although she likes to run and walk and keep fit she’s not a fan of team sports, but music and theatre still gives her that team dynamic, means she has friends throughout all of the year groups at school and also outside school friends.

Mine dropped gym once it started becoming something where you needed to train 6+ hours a week. Now plays hockey and cricket which take up even more time 🙄 Team sports are great. She also plays an instrument, which means she’s been able to teach herself guitar.

Well one of mine had stuck at any sport available to her!
The other, dance, piano and swimming.
Both tried most of the same things as children, now they’re teens and they do very different things.
She will find what she is drawn to as she grows.

Swimming is a great sport but many girls drop out age 14-15 when they get fed up with early morning training and always having wet hair, also if not a competitive swimmer it’s difficult to continue past age 15 or so
pick something she will want to continue as a social activity after leaving school and at university if she goes, a team sport or group activity.
( I used to chair a swimming club)

Interesting one.
For myself, it was playing the drums, as I had fun in a band in my older teens then picked it back up again at 40 and now have it as a hobby.

Oldest DS, climbing…. Kept him SO fit and when there was some angst in team sports he could always go climbing.

Youngest DS is still at primary but I’m really glad he’s picked up rugby. It’s perfect for him, he’s appreciated for the big lad he is naturally, he’s extremely sociable and gregarious so that suits him and it’s just a lovely welcoming sport.

Neirher were interested in an instrument and we didn’t push it and we haven’t missed it.

Football and music have been the making of my DD. She played football from age 4, played seriously until 12, dropped it until 16 and then took it up and plays at university. It has kept her going through the hardest times.

DD still does lots of sport, including riding and swimming, and she does a lot of art, as well a. But it’s also about the habits that were formed in primary (as opposed to arranged ECAs) - for instance, we always walked to school. Now, her secondary school is in the next town, but she’d rather cycle than get the train or the bus. Oh, and she still does lots of gardening, and delights in growing vegetables that we eat.

Let her be a six year old. She's already doing more than I would want to. I know you mean well but you can't choreograph lifelong hobbies.

As she grows older her interests will develop and she will have natural opportunities to try different things if she wants. She might discover new interests at secondary school when different activities are available.

It is also important for children to learn balance and recovery. Don't burn her out.

I also suggest football, or at least a team sport. I think I read a stat that said 95% of female leaders in business played a team sport as a teenager. It’s been incredibly important to my teen’s personal and social development.

Id suggest doing less tbh.

She doesn't need to piano and music. Pick one.

Acro and tumbling...pick one.

If she was doing Piano, tumbling and swimming that would be more than enough.

Let her be 6 and play and be at home.

Thanks for the advice all.

Just to be clear, starting something new would mean dropping one of her current clubs. I don't think she's in danger of burning out (she has A LOT of energy) but DH and I might!

Good point about team sports... Do you think things like dance and cheer would have the same advantages as e.g. netball?

Are there any sports/extracurriculars that give the same sort of advantages for girls as football does for boys? (I don't have boys but from what I've read, playing football can open up a lot of social opportunities whereas not playing can leave boys a bit isolated.)

Thanks!

DS’s female friends at school are all into playing netball and football.

it’s great - keeps them fit, they make friends, gain confidence - and female footballers are super role models for young girls (better than the vapid insta and TikTok- ers)

Taekwondo is great if you're looking for something mainly mixed (in terms of training/squads/clubs). It's also good for co-ordination and a bit of appreciation of another culture (they learn Korean numbers and names for all moves - they learn quite a lot of Korean, in fact!)

I'd suggest at age 6 that you just encourage your daughter to try a variety of things and go with what she likes. Don't worry about whether they will give her joy at secondary school age.

We insisted on swimming as a life skill; DD didn't want to progress to swimming competitively so it became just something she did for fun with friends or family by secondary school.

We encouraged her to have music lessons and she played in the secondary school orchestra for a bit although I think that was as much because the music teacher was very persuasive than any other reason.

She went to Rainbows and Brownies but had no interest in going to Guides.

She did get involved in drama at secondary school, which was not a hobby she'd had before, but partly it was because her friends did it. Other than the drama and orchestra, by age 12, she'd done followed a very typical pattern and was more interested in socialising and doing what her friends did than any earlier hobbies. That's not to say she didn't have any hobbies - but they were less formal ones like art related, reading, cycling, board games all of which were ones that her friends shared and they did together.

Short version of post - don't over think it.

Many kids can happily cope with loads of extracurriculars in early primary, then whittle down as they get towards the end of primary. We tried all sorts to see what would stick.

Right now the most important thing is fun, cost and whether you are prepared to support it long term (distance to competitive meets or auditions? Lots of irritating practice at home? Early morning training sessions etc?)

Music can become a passion if dc finds an instrument they love - this happened to one of my dc, but not the others. For that dc music was “everything” at secondary achool age.

Another one of my dc loved athletics. I expect acro would be quite a good way to build upper body strength and flexibility so your dc might try athletics later on and discover a passion for pole-vaulting which you won’t notice while dc is only 6!

Swimming is a skill and not many kids have the passion to pursue it as a competitive sport. I think you’d already know if your dc was one of the ‘swim club types’ (round my way, they are finishing stage 8 around age 7 and picked up then for squad training).

Age 8 is a good age to diversify as lots of new sports come into range.

My dd2 gave up football age 9 quickly moving onto netball. But she absolutely loved her martial art which she started age 8 (which she still does, and is now a coach) and bouldering (which sadly she stopped due to an injury and never went back to). These are both very sociable sports and so work well when teenagers lose motivation.

See what your dc likes and follow their heart’s desire…

Team sports for sure. The regular activity has been realy helpful to manage stress levels during exam years. Team sport is great for body image and creating bonds. She played football from 5 years old and also hockey for a while but chose football around the age of 14. Still plays now at uni and also runs and cycles. She does art and crafts too but they are more solitary things she enjoys doing at home..