How did you manage babyproofing when your partner would not prioritise it?

[Canitgetbetter]

Baby could be crawling any day now.
So much to do - usual baby proofing stuff, including securing furniture and fitting babygates, plus outstanding jobs that DH has put off for months/years.

I am just about keeping on top of the day to day stuff (all the washing, weaning, bathing) and my own very basic care - I'm just not getting the 1-2hr stretches I need to do anything more substantial.

DH is not prioritising getting things done in the house - he is not playing golf etc but taking extra shifts at work (not essential) and making out he doesn't have a choice (he does) and plenty faffing around. He insists on taking baby when I don't need him to - for me to shower and eat breakfast for example - then gives her back so he can do "his stuff". Often household related but could easily be bumped for just.one.weekend.

I made plans to go to friends for a couple of days so he could crack on uninterrupted and he accepted last minute weekend work. I'm so down about his behaviour I cancelled the visit. Plus I figured I will pass him baby for a least 2-3 hours when back from work and I will do as much as I can.

Do I just do as much as I can and wait until she's crawling and let him panic then? During that period go out all day to avoid the stress of trying to keep her safe at home?

I don't have anyone local who can watch baby for me.

I'm looking for practical tips and how others managed.

I can imagine some people saying "oh we left it to the last minute!" and still having a team mentality about it. I just feel like we're not a team and he refuses to acknowledge the stress this is causing me. I'm usually pretty self sufficient and it's been hard losing various capacities after becoming a mum, and seeing him squander all the free time I no longer have.

Thanks if you read to the end.

Hard agree with above reply. Babyproofing is a symptom, not the disease.

Another that did almost no baby proofing. We did move some stuff they could swallow like pebbles to a higher shelf and had a stairgate at the top of the stairs for a while so they were safe up there. What stairgates require a drill? Don't they rely on pressure so they aren't a permanent fixture?

Your DHs attitude sounds annoying but I dint think baby proofing is the hill to die on.

Use the money from his extra shifts to pay someone to do it all . Then use any additional shift money to get a cleaner so you have free time

I would order all the baby proofing stuff on Amazon and just take one thing at a time.

If I say I can't get them done whilst looking after a baby, it means I can't get them done.

I think all who read your post took that as read - but you've told your DH or DP this, made plans that would have given a chunk of uninterrupted time to sort this in a day, and he's preferred to go with showing you 'You can't get it done, and he has other things to do instead.' Plus, the point in question is on baby/family safety, so to be honest you may create 3 times more work and inner stress during daytime hours in a few months if the things are not done.

In finding the stepping stones to be on board with the next active growth stage, there can be a lot of situations where hoping that the less bothered partner will have to lie in the bed that they made, is more dispiriting (and sometimes dangerous) for the child. Tackle why your DH is avoiding this, the effect on you and on his family, don't opt to stew or overthink. If you get assistance in, the job is done, it should then lift off your shoulders, which are, as you say, carrying a lot of things.

If you can’t tell us what the actual problem is, then I’m not sure how you think anyone might be able to help.
as you haven’t given enough information about why, posters trying to help you have been left with no option but to guess.
For example, you have stated that you can’t get anything done whilst looking after a baby. Ok, so, detail exactly why not so that people can help. Eg. The average baby sleeps 18 hours a day, does yours not? If not, then the solution might be a handy man for example. Etc.

So all these people need a penis to work a drill?

Sounds like you’ve got bigger problems than babyproofing to be honest. Why is your DH so useless? He needs to step up and do his share of parenting.

I think it sounds like hes a lazy arse does he do his share of anything

We didn’t do any baby proofing and my children have made it to adults without incident. You can’t take your eyes off them when they are crawling anyway and when I needed to do jobs that meant I couldn’t watch them constantly they went in the highchair, bouncer, walker or whatever else you use. I think you are worrying unnecessarily.

Another useless man.

The most important thing is stair gates. Apart from that it’s just sharp corners that might need looking at and chests of drawers/wardrobes etc that could be pulled over, if they’re not attached to the wall.

I didn’t baby proof except a stair gate at the top of the stairs 🤷🏻‍♀️

I just used a couple of pressure mounted baby gates (took a few minutes) and screwed a few cupboard locks on kitchen cupboards that had dangerous things. We focused on teaching safety.

Is that not more dangerous? PP wrote that one at the top of the stairs means the child can still fall down the stairs, but from a height.

Pay someone to do it. And prepare to get rid of your useless partner

ODFOD

It was only shut on a night when we were all upstairs never during day and was secured open with a hook during day. We only had it for during night as their bedroom is right by the staircase and was worried They would come out their bedroom half asleep and fall. All mine were taught from a young age to safely walk/crawl up and downstairs so it wasn’t up for long and only used for that one purpose

What baby proofing do you need, really? We have a stair gate at the top, and a couple
of those stick on locks on kitchen cupboards. You don’t need anything else; I think you’re being over cautious.

I’m sorry it’s all feeling overwhelming. I am genuinely a bit confused though about what exactly it is that needs so much uninterrupted time. Can’t you just pop the baby in a swing / playpen / whatever for bits of time here and there? If he’s at work all the time and you’re with the baby all the time it seems the household responsibilities could be split between you anyway.

I think you need a list of musts - for me it was a stair gate (installed in about 15 mins), securing the large furniture to the wall (took two people and was a faff but my husband and I needed to work together on it) and then reverse babyproofing the living room (put one of those long gates around the entertainment centre bit and then made sure all the other floor level stuff was baby toys and books) as that’s where we spent most of the awake time at home. I just kept the other doors closed in the feral toddler stage (which was quite short lived really). I wouldn’t bother baby proofing the entire house as really you’ll be with the toddler anyway and then they’ll know how to manage most things by the time they’re a bit more independent.

If it’s a DIY situation then get a handyman for a few hours. If it’s a bigger issue about how you’re splitting the responsibilities and who needs what lists then you need to have a conversation about that.