How did you manage babyproofing when your partner would not prioritise it?

[Canitgetbetter]

Baby could be crawling any day now.
So much to do - usual baby proofing stuff, including securing furniture and fitting babygates, plus outstanding jobs that DH has put off for months/years.

I am just about keeping on top of the day to day stuff (all the washing, weaning, bathing) and my own very basic care - I'm just not getting the 1-2hr stretches I need to do anything more substantial.

DH is not prioritising getting things done in the house - he is not playing golf etc but taking extra shifts at work (not essential) and making out he doesn't have a choice (he does) and plenty faffing around. He insists on taking baby when I don't need him to - for me to shower and eat breakfast for example - then gives her back so he can do "his stuff". Often household related but could easily be bumped for just.one.weekend.

I made plans to go to friends for a couple of days so he could crack on uninterrupted and he accepted last minute weekend work. I'm so down about his behaviour I cancelled the visit. Plus I figured I will pass him baby for a least 2-3 hours when back from work and I will do as much as I can.

Do I just do as much as I can and wait until she's crawling and let him panic then? During that period go out all day to avoid the stress of trying to keep her safe at home?

I don't have anyone local who can watch baby for me.

I'm looking for practical tips and how others managed.

I can imagine some people saying "oh we left it to the last minute!" and still having a team mentality about it. I just feel like we're not a team and he refuses to acknowledge the stress this is causing me. I'm usually pretty self sufficient and it's been hard losing various capacities after becoming a mum, and seeing him squander all the free time I no longer have.

Thanks if you read to the end.

Stair gate takes 10-15 minutes. We have some basically stick on magnets for the key cupboards and did fit foam to a marble hearth for baby 1 which took longer cos I wanted to make it look nice as well. By baby 2 we decorated including ripping it out so new flooring took a lot longer…

basically should take less than half an hour. Hand him some magnet locks and ask him if he knows where the bleach cupboard is….

Stair gate at the top of the stairs is all id say is important- thats 6 screws. We had 2 under 5 at home at one point.

Child proofed the kitchen cupboards once but they all got broken within a week- so not worth it. Didn't use the log burner when there's anyone under 3 around- fire guard was on the shoppi g list for ages but they're all so ugly.

Never had a baby playpen or cage, they just got on with. You seem to be worrying a lot and I'm not sure it's needed.

We just had a pressure fitting stair gate and safety fasteners on the under sink cupboard in the kitchen. All the big furniture already had safety brackets to prevent being pulled over and we had a travel cot which we used as a playpen as pp. I don't think there's anything else that needs doing? You should not use those electric socket covers in the UK, our sockets have inbuilt safety which the socket covers can disable :
Throw away your dangerous plug protectors right now - Which? https://share.google/Ju0AMKU0TTeFJYBBm

We really didn't do much baby proofing and even the stairgate was spring loaded.

To be fair, you've both put those jobs off for 'months/years'.

Oh OP this happened to me but it wasn’t as hard as i expected. I had a friend help with the pressure stair gates - i am not handy at all but managed to do it! baby was thrilled to be watching and be “part of the action” and actually didn’t cause too much trouble at all.

put some squishy tape around edges and corners.

the baby locks you may need a few minutes more to figure them out but you should look up youtube videos while holding the baby and then if you get some hands free time you will be able to do them more quickly.

but I recommend asking a friend over to help you. Preferably a male, at a time that DH is home, so he feels thoroughly ashamed and judged.

Why would he be embarrassed to get on with the jobs that they've both been putting off for years?

Most DIY is simple enough after watching a Youtube tutorial.

Prrssure fit gates, no need for plug sockets out plugs dont need them...google it. Saftey corners stick on, move cleaning products or quickly screw in cupboard locks, check for wires in reach.

This. Had a stair gate and a play pen. Do people still use these

Second get a handyman in. Or better yet ask his dad/ your dad/ his mate to pop round and do it for you. Then breezly announce I've asked dad/FIL/ your mate to pop over and put up stair gate/ fix thing to wall/ baby proof jobs, they are coming - when DH is at home. If you get his mate to do it they will rib him about it for months.

All you really need to do that requires a drill is safety gate at the top of the stairs.
The rest can be suction safety gates- I can’t ever remember baby proofing the kitchen, we had a room divider instead so the babies never went in the kitchen unless they were with us or sitting in a high chair.
I would give your DH a deadline- babyproofing done by end of next weekend or you get a handyman in

We didn't have stairs so did nothing, child did hit her head on the coffee table when she was six! And ran into a wall once when not a toddler! Stair gates if you have stairs great, not sure about much else. Move anything toxic from low shelves and cupboards obviously

there are so many comments on this thread that are basically the equivalent of ‘do I operate the washing machine with my vagina.’ There is NO reason other than sexism that non-lifting DIY projects should be completed by males not females. If you are of the ‘I’ll get my dad around to do it’ ilk, maybe get your mum around instead.

Do you already have the bigger things like the stairgate (in the house, ready to fit)? If not, then this is the first thing to get on with.

Move dangerous things out of low cupboards, swapping for something harmless. This includes the obvious but I would also recommend moving dishwasher tablets (have known one child unwrap and try to eat one), candles, batteries etc. It's annoying for a bit but it actually doesn't necessarily mean this will be permanent.

I just feel like we're not a team and he refuses to acknowledge the stress this is causing me.

You may have to address this. He could be using 'important work' as a ready excuse not to do things with the baby when you could be doing them instead. One way or another, if you need some hours and he's not stepping up, then you need to look for someone paid to work as a team for that time with you - either a baby minder or a handyperson. It's much easier than trying to get someone evasive to cooperate.

Gates at the top of the stairs aren’t recommended. If a toddler climbs it, which isn’t improbable because toddlers be toddlers, you’ve now got them falling down the stairs from a height. They can also be trip hazard for adults. The safe way to contain them upstairs is a gate on their bedroom door because if they climb that then may be free to come into your room but they won’t go tumbling down the stairs. But I think that’s more a thing for toddlers you’re trying to convince to stay in their bed 🤣 Babies in a cot are already contained. So I don’t think I’d bother at all for a crawling baby.

Your DH sounds unhelpful.

However ‘baby proofing’ doesn’t take very long. Whack up a stair gate (20 mins), fit a lock to any accessible cupboard with dangerous contents (10 mins), move anything very delicate or dangerous to a better place (10 mins).

Your baby will likely be drawn to something you haven’t thought of, so it isn’t a one off static process, it changes as they change.

I think the issue is that the op isn’t getting time away from the baby to get this stuff done, not specifically that she isn’t able to do it because she’s a woman.

Yes, that is what I had assumed too, so my comment was more aimed at the numerous ‘get a different bloke round to do it’ comments.

as that is presumably the situation, then the op has far bigger problems going forward than stair gates.

I put pressure fit gates on rooms, it took a few mins, you can even get extra long ones

Already have the gates and they are to be screwed into wall. Interesting some people said they didn't need them at all. How do you find that out?

Stuff like cleaning fluids, medicine, alcohol - yes I will manage. Our home is tiny so while popping the toilet cleaner up out of reach is simple, the other bits just require a tiny bit of headspace and time. And at the moment will mean not doing something else that day. I'm really not sure who all these people raising babies with loads of free time on their hands are. Is it so unfathomable that someone who has said has no family or friends close by to support might be a bit overwhelmed at times?

I'm not going to list the other jobs that need doing because I'm not sure I see the point. If I say I can't get them done whilst looking after a baby, it means I can't get them done.

And for the minority of people who have suggested we've both left jobs unfinished for years... maybe we divided up tasks, based on skill sets and preference, and I have honoured mine. Maybe what you're suggesting is that I do everything, and then if I post about that and being exhausted and resentful (as many women do) you can tell me it's my fault for doing everything? Honestly. Thanks to those who got it.

We never used baby gates to me they are a fire hazard and just put things away that we needed to and didnt have kickbacks around

No to to stress about it trying to prevent things to me only made them more exciting to a toddler

Baby proofing....yeah so I stuck foam piping on the sharp cut stone edge of our hearth. That is all. We have 3 flights of stairs in our home, no stair gates. We also bought one of those luxury playmat things (for my knees and bum while playing on the floor with little one) if you count that? Great for pilates, too!

I taught my 2 babes to climb the stairs safely and come down backwards before they could crawl, before they needed to do it they could. I taught them to get down off the bed/chair/sofa/whatever backwards before they needed to. I never left them unsupervised e.g. near the bookcase (too tempting to climb) instead I modelled choosing books off the accessible shelves to read and they copied. I taught them to learn and trust their own bodies and limits. Nothing was hidden or locked away, that makes it tempting. Everything is and was explained to them. If they were interested in something they shouldn't have then "yes! That's for cleaning the toilet. Grown ups use it. Here, want to hold a loo roll?"

So yeah.....we did practically no baby proofing.

We had stair gates at the top and bottom. We also put cupboard locks on lower kitchen cupboards. Move knife block to back of worktop. Putting things out of reach is easy way to this. Check cables and lamps are secure / out of reach. We had a travel cot as playpen which means you can put safe while going to door go to loo.

Love this!

This. I found many years ago that me waving around an electric drill was very effective.

It’s not so unfathomable that you may need support but I think the baby proofing is masking the real issue. People aren’t trying to have a go at you or gloat about how much free time we have it’s just that baby proofing really didn’t cause most of us that much stress or take that much time. If it’s causing you this amount of anxiety it’s time to start questioning why. Are you just an anxious person that needs to work on relaxing a little and coping with risk or more likely if you get no time or headspace then you have a massive DH problem that needs sorting.