Advice for naps with a 13 week old without co-sleeping

[ThePoisedOpalBird]

Looking for advice on how to get 13 week old to nap without co-sleeping.

My lovely little boy is 13 weeks and slowly getting easier but one of our hardest issues is sleep. The only way I can reliably get him to sleep is feeding whilst sleeping in my bed.

I have tried the pram but he just screams (I have tried in the house, out the house on walks). I have tried slings/ carriers and he hates both and will just scream and scream and doesn't fall asleep.

He wont accept a dummy and I have tried various brands and he pushes them out with his tongue or gags on it and is sick.

He wont lay in a cradle hold to be bounced and bouncing him on my shoulder can sometimes work but if you sit down or try to lay him down he wakes straught up or 2 year old wakes him up with his playing. Sometimes I am bouncing for 45 mins- 1hr just to try and get him to nap but i can't then put him down.

I have a 2 year old who is getting very stressed by his brothers screaming and our inability to go out just the three of us as he can't stand the constant crying.

Any advice greatly appreciated (except CIO)

Can you not feed him to sleep and then transfer to crib or pushchair? Do you co-sleep at night? What wake window do you go by or just tired cues? When transferring do you wait a while or transfer as soon as he's asleep?

We have real issues feeding when not laying down so they arent relaxing feeds as he is always popping on and off constantly. Sometimes he will fall asleep if I bounce him on my shoulder for ages but if I transfer or sit down he wakes up.

I usually wait a good 10-15 minutes before I attempt a transfer but if he manages it he wakes within 5 mins.

Yeah we co-sleep at night.

I do a slight mixture with wake windows and cues. If he is showing huge sleepy cues before the end of a wake window then I will try to get him to sleep. Othertimes if hes not showing any sleepy cues at the end of a wake window ill push it a bit longer.

His wake windows range from 1 hr- 90 mins

I'd wake longer before trying to make him nap. Can you feed to sleep side lying with baby on the mattress, then move away once he's asleep? keep trying with the buggy and sling as well.

I'm trying to extend his wake windows but he crys from about 45 mins in so all I can do is bouncing him anyway until he falls asleep.

I can't generally leave him in bed after getting him to sleep as he wakes up when I leave and often takes a good 20-30 mins to get him in a deep enough sleep for me to leave him which is hard for a 2 year old to be left on his own several times for that long.

Yep I currently have him in the carrier screaming at me as he is over an hour late for his nap but woke up when I tried to leave him in bed. But I will keep trying everyday!

My DS was the same which is why I don't have the courage to conceive a second until he's 3. Genuinely, nothing helped, except time. 3 months was a HARD age. By 6 months, he was doing his morning AND lunch nap in his crib, that was like a total of 3 hours in the day i got back which was amazing . Afternoon nap had to be a contact nap but that was only like 30 minutes anyway. So I think just give it time. You can't sleep train at this age so you just have to do whatever you can to get him to sleep.

If you have a toddler, your best bet is to persist with pushchair naps. Otherwise, you’ll be stuck at home all the time. Feed him, get him nice and comfy in the pushchair and get about with your day. He may cry. But eventually he’ll get used to it. Same with a sling.

I also think you need to drop this idea of a schedule, wake windows, etc. If you’re struggling to get him to nap, it’s because you’re missing the point when he really needs to nap. Don’t be trying to extend his wake windows. He’s obviously awake too long already. He needs to be sleeping sooner, not later. Babies don’t have a schedule, they feed and wake and sleep when their bodies tell them to. You need to listen more to his body and less to some arbitrary schedule.

My daughter was like this, the feeding issues were due to silent reflux and food allergies. Once we improved these she was easier to get to sleep. From about 4 months she would occasionally accept the pram for naps and by 6 months it was the most reliable way of getting her to nap and I would walk for hours every day

I don't follow an arbitrary schedule. If you read my reply I said if he shows any tired signs before the end of a wake window I attempt to bounce him to sleep. I use wake windows as a guide.

But yes trying to perservere with the pram but so far no luck but will continue to try of course.

I wonder if there is some kind of reflux issue going on (its not always obvious). But I do think 3 months is a tough age, my grandaughter is 3 months, ds and Dil are struggling! I'm trying to reassure them that 6 months old will look very different.

Never heard of a wake window when mine were babies. They had a nap when they needed one! Schedules are usually ignored by babies! Why can he not be put in his basket or bouncer when tired? Use him to guide you. He might not need much sleep. This all sounds regimented. He will need to fit in with your other dc and life eventually.

Thank you for the reply.

We do try to give him a nap when he needs one! But unless I co-sleep in bed with him it is proving almost impossible to get him to nap without bouncing him on my shoulder for 45 mins + and then i have to stand up holding him whilst he naps or he wakes up.

He cant be put in those things when hes tired as we are only just starting to be able to put him in the bouncer when he is awake and happy.

I can now get him to sit in his bouncer for short periods when happy and he will sit leant against my knees for short periods happy but after 30- 45 mins of rotating between the bouncer he cries ready to be bounced to sleep for 45 + mins.

He doesn"t sleep in his pram or crib at all. If we transfer him in there he wakes up and screams until he is red in the face so we aren't at the point of being able to push this issue yet.

When my eldest is at nursery and I can co-sleep with him in bed during the day he sleeps for 2 hours at a time multiple times a day so 100% not a low sleep needs baby.

I am trying to get him to 'fit in' with my eldests life but my eldest is only 2 and when the baby is screaming non stop because he is tired and cant sleep my toddler then gets very overwhelmed and cries himself. Hence hoping for some advice on things that might help or when it may get better.

My first was a lousy sleeper until a year old but he would happily sleep for ages being pushed in the pram so I am at a loss with my second dispising the pram and carrier so much.

What happens if you feed baby and then just pop them in their pushchair and go for a long walk? My son had reflux but he still would sleep in his pram at that age.

At the end of the day if something isn't working you just decide not to do that anymore and work on making a different method work. My baby got too heavy to rock so I fed to sleep, got stuck feeding him in my bed for months but it was killing my back so i moved to the sofa, then got too old to feed to sleep so I put him in his cot and sat with him until he slept, although it seems like they'll never transition out of their current way of doing things, a week will pass and they'll forget all about it.

How would anyone ever work with these babies? They would have to go
to nursery or be with a child minder. They obviously want what they want but even babies cannot have you all the time. If he goes red, he goes red. Has he never self soothed? By bouncer I meant a rocking type lounger. I tend to think babies cannot stay awake all day, so working out how they will sleep is key. For my DD it was going out in the car. Yes, annoying but she slept.

Thank you for the reply.

He just screams the second I put him in and will cry until I take him out. I have even fed him whilst out he has got super sleepy and popped him in there and walked and he just crys and crys instead of sleeping.

Obviously having a 2 year old as well I am restricted on what I can try as I cant force the cot when he has a playing toddler next to him and I cant leave my toddler on his own hours a day to get the baby to sleep.

Seems there aren't really any easy solutions and will just have to continue what I am doing and hopefully it will get better as the baby gets a bit older.

I could’ve written this!! My baby bouts just turned 13 weeks and is exactly the same although he literally won’t sleep anywhere other than my chest… I rock him for naps, breastfed to sleep. Hates pram or carrier so I’m holding him all the time apart from maybe 15 mins in each wake window. He won’t let my husband rock either really because then he wants the boob!! It’s more than exhausting

He doesn't like the swinging ones. He only settles in the cheap bouncy one he has.

Yes I could leave him to just scream for ages until he passes out but he is often sick when he cries too much and my 2 year old gets extremely stresses and then cries himself so then nobody is sleeping as everyone is crying.

I know how to get him to sleep but it isn't a way I am able to do when I have my toddler or when we are out unfortunately.

But clearly I will just have to give it time and hopefully he will improve with age.

Thank you for the solidarity. It is very hard indeed!

The issue I have had with both of mine is that if I wait for sleepy cues it's too late and they are difficult to get to sleep

Both of mine have also had irregular awake windows and their sleep needs vary. From 11 to 18 weeks. My daughter had a 6h nap every Tuesday where she latched iton and off feeding during the nap. Other days she would have a 7 minute nap.

I currently have an 8 month old and a 5 year old. For the past 5-6 months my 8 month old has had a 1h awake window at the start of the day. Our routine is to get up and get my eldest ready for school around 8 and when we get back around 9 we go back to bed for a nap. At a push he can do until 9.30. The rest of the days routine has varied with age but this has stuck.

I find we generally can tolerate less ideal naps as long as he gets one good nap a day so I tried to fit one in when my partner gets home from work if we haven't managed it earlier in the day. My daughter needed a good afternoon nap and could tolerate a poor morning nap.

It is! And the fact you have another child, I don’t know how you do it! I do often say to myself if we had another child there’s no way I could physically be this accommodating, he would probably just have to go in the cot and cry so you’re doing a fantastic job!

Maybe more of a gradual transition then? Instead of the bed, feed to sleep on the sofa, then once happy sleeping there maybe the carrier?

My son slept directly on me for almost 3 years so I do understand but there's definitely been other ways I could get him to sleep. The odd car nap, the pushchair, he would also transfer to his cot for naps for ages too, the contact naps were always his best naps though. The main difference though is that I never co-slept at night so perhaps your baby relies on the contact more than my son did. Do you want to stop co-sleeping at night too?

Thank you for replying. No I don't want to stop co-sleeping at night as I value my sleep and love the ease with breastfeeding.

Just to say my son would never entertain sleeping in a bouncer, cot, pram etc. None of the suggestions people gave helped to be honest. I wanted to comment so you don’t feel so alone. It is really hard.

Personally, I would just work on getting some more flexibility in the contact naps in the short term. My son would sleep on me but he'd do it anywhere, in the living room, the bedroom, at cafes, relatives houses, on holiday etc. I could be chatting with a friend and there could be plenty of noise going on but as long as I fed him to sleep he'd sleep. I was his sleep association not our bedroom, maybe it could be the same for your little one, if you spent a night away surely would sleep even in a different room.

It doesnt matter what bed as long as we are laying down together. He has latch issues (2 tongue tie cuts and a high pallet) so he seems to latch so much better when we lay down together. When we try to feed with me holding him he is constantly losing suction which I think is why he wont fall asleep feeding like that but I will continue to try.

@ThePoisedOpalBird You are lucky you aren’t going to work. Why would he pass out? Does he hold his breath? Most babies don’t go this far.