Advice for naps with a 13 week old without co-sleeping

[ThePoisedOpalBird]

Looking for advice on how to get 13 week old to nap without co-sleeping.

My lovely little boy is 13 weeks and slowly getting easier but one of our hardest issues is sleep. The only way I can reliably get him to sleep is feeding whilst sleeping in my bed.

I have tried the pram but he just screams (I have tried in the house, out the house on walks). I have tried slings/ carriers and he hates both and will just scream and scream and doesn't fall asleep.

He wont accept a dummy and I have tried various brands and he pushes them out with his tongue or gags on it and is sick.

He wont lay in a cradle hold to be bounced and bouncing him on my shoulder can sometimes work but if you sit down or try to lay him down he wakes straught up or 2 year old wakes him up with his playing. Sometimes I am bouncing for 45 mins- 1hr just to try and get him to nap but i can't then put him down.

I have a 2 year old who is getting very stressed by his brothers screaming and our inability to go out just the three of us as he can't stand the constant crying.

Any advice greatly appreciated (except CIO)

Even if I was going back to work it wouldn't be for another 6-9 months so plenty of time for his sleep to improve.

I mean pass out as in pass out from exhaustion not from holding his breath. Considering he fights sleeping for a good 45 min + even when being bounced and walked around I imagine he would easily go an hour of screaming in the pram before he passes out with exhaustion which personally I think is very unhealthy for a 3 month old and very distressing for me and toddler to listen to.

But I appreciate the response. Sounds like I just need to give it time and keep trying little by little.

I hope you've had some support with the feeding/latch as that sounds really tricky. Hopefully his latch will improve as he gets older and the sleep situation will get easier with it.

He has had 2 tongue tie cuttings and feeding support from lactation consultant. Unfortunatelly with the high palate he may never be able to get a perfect suction. Laying down with him seems to make it easier for him to get a good latch.

Yes hopefully it will improve as he gets older bless him.

Have you tried the rugby hold? It takes A LOT of pillows, many more than the videos show but it was an absolute life saver for us. My DS' latch just wasn't great at first and it was destroying one of my nipples. Rugby hold helped tremendously. And because he's lying on pillows, you can unlatch and he can sleep there (with you next to him).

Does he sleep in the car? My tricky sleeper did.

Yeah we have tried rugby and koala hold and neither seem to get him a good enough suction that he can fall asleep unfortunatly.

He can but not reliably. Sometimes he will sleep othertimes he will cry. He also wakes everytime we stop in traffic or lights. I don't think toddler would be keen on driving around for half the day so his brother can nap 🤣

@ThePoisedOpalBird No but toddler could go to nursery! Don’t know what else to suggest!

Yeah he goes to nursery 3 days a week. On those days its easy as we can just co-sleep in bed whilst he is at nursery.

It is when toddler is at home or we are out together we are finding it very hard but it seems there is no easy answer and I will accept he may not nap when I have toddler and for now we cant do days out until he is happier in the pram.

I appreciate everyones responses.

Hey, this is very good at getting the little ones to switch off and calm them ready for a nap my daughter loves it, it’s backed by sleep science too which is good

Thank you!

I would persevere with the sling. My DS hated it at first but will fall asleep in it now. It gives you a lot more flexibility than the pram.

Have you tried a dark room with white noise in the day? This is how my 5 month old will nap. I find the more sleep he gets the easier he falls asleep.

Have you tried wearing the sheet inside your top for the day so it smells like you? And/or leaving used breast pads in the cot?
I’ve seen people suggest warming the mattress with a hot water bottle (obviously remove before baby goes in). Or is it that the transfer fails before he touches the mattress?

Not that I’m the one who should be giving advice because mine does not sleep in her cot on the day either 😅 but we are lucky that she will do 30 mins or so in the carrier if needed. We are having the issue with night sleep at the moment that she wants contact sleeping, not even cosleeping next to me in the bed but we are gradually building the time in the next-to-me back up.. regression and teething has kicked our arses..

Hope you figure out a way soon, it sounds exhausting 🤍

Also the happy song (Imogen something) worked for when she was hysterical in the pram so it’s worth a go! I just put my phone in the pram with her and had it on repeat 😬 I was highly sceptical but it does help unless she’s hungry or something

Imogen Heap - and it’s witchcraft
For calming babies,I highly recommend it 🤣

Have you tried seeing a baby osteopath? I hear they can do wonders sometimes by releasing tensions baby hold from birth trauma. Worth a try I think. Is he still in the carrycot? If so, he might prefer sitting up in the other seat if he does have silent reflux going. Hopefully will start to get better around 6 months. So hard with another young child!

Not a very useful message maybe, but just to say that my second is a couple of weeks older than yours and I absolutely feel the same. I have no idea how people do it? In the house he’ll only sleep lying next to me in bed - have tried everything else endlessly - and so genuinely no idea what I’m mean to do with the toddler during that time?! It’s been really really hard and makes me feel like a rubbish mum to both frankly, because the baby is chronically sleep deprived and horrible, and then the toddler has to put up with his endless crying, which she finds really unbearable, and doesn’t get any fun because my hands are always full of screaming baby. Hands down the hardest thing about two and makes me dread the days I have both of them, which I feel utterly guilty about.

Couple of thoughts:

• once or twice I’ve managed to get the toddler in bed with us too, listening to yoto whilst I feed, then reading books/chatting to her once baby asleep and I can roll to her side. Lots of white noise baby side. Imperfect because she like most 2 year olds can’t really keep still so baby nap hasn’t been v long - but has worked ish and been a bit ‘special’ for toddler?
• I persevered with sling despite lots of screaming getting in, and he will now pass out in it if tired, outside and being walked/bobbed. It means I can do playgrounds and library with the toddler which has saved our lives. So really really worth persevering I think? If you can bear it.

Realise that’s not much help but just to say I found massive reassurance reading what you wrote and knowing it’s not just us. Time passing seemed to help last time (first was also a terrible independent sleeper till 6 months) so I’m hoping the same this time? Were also currently in the pits of 4m regression, which is fun…

So he will sleep if we lay in a room in bed together but he doesn't always stay asleep when I leave him and I feel awful having to leave my 2 year old on his own 5 or so times a day for 20 odd minutes at a time so I have been trying to get him to just sleep downstairs with me holding or in carrier but so far no luck.

I will keep trying with the carrier though.

My toddler loves this song! We have used it since he was a baby. New baby doesnt care for it though 🙈

Thank you. Its helpful to know others have the same issue as its vert hard. I hope your sitution improves soon too!

I didn't know a baby osteopath existed but I will have a look as he is still really struggling to lift his head in tummy time too.

I have been really considering swapping to the pram seat just not sure if its too soon.

Pram seat will damage their spine at 13 weeks. Don't do it. You are meant to wait until they can hold their head up properly and can sit (aided). Sorry, I do remember being desperate to switch too!

Really I switched my first at 15 weeks? It fully reclines it just isn't as flat so I assumed it was okay? I can't imagine another 13 weeks of not being able to take my toddler out.

I have no practical advice but I know what you’re going through. My son was like this. No tips helped, he was just an awful sleeper. He still is at night now at 15 months but naps got better around 8 months. I know that’s a long way off but I just didn’t want you to feel alone in this!